- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [over bullhorn to the beleaguered farm folk] Jesse, you old goat! Now listen, you know those boys are gonna pull the biggest heist in history and I know all about It! Now, I want them to come on out. Come on out now!
- Daisy Duke: What heist is he talking about?
- Bo Duke: For once I ain't got no idea at all.
- Uncle Jesse: I'll bet you potatoes to turnips that J.D. Hogg has put him up to this and they're setting you fellows up for something bad.
- Luke Duke: And we're sure not gonna find out if we're sitting in jail.
- Sheriff Rosco Coltrane: [over bullhorn] I'm gonna come in and get you! Do you hear me? Now I'm gonna count to three, and I'm past two!
- Daisy Duke: Oh no, you don't, Rosco! Not without wiping off your feet first! You're not tracking up my house!
- Daisy Duke: [French maid outfit waitress brings another dish] Here you are, sir.
- H.H. Harkness: No, thank you, darling, I've had quite enough.
- [chuckles as he surveys her]
- H.H. Harkness: Food, that is.
- Boss Hogg: Careful, Daisy, honey, the eyes of Texas are upon you!
- Boss Hogg: [Bo and Luke knocked over some pots and pans] What was that?
- Daisy Duke: Probably just them big old rats in the kitchen again, Boss.
- Daisy Duke: [bad guy leaning out car window is shooting at them] We're sitting ducks!
- Luke Duke: Take some evasive action, Bo.
- Bo Duke: I'm trying!
- [swerves]
- Daisy Duke: Oh, you're making me seasick...