- Helen Cooper: [Gus and Helen are watching footage of Sir Royston Merchant having sex] Don't you recognise that bottom? You've kissed it enough times.
- [first lines]
- Dave Charnley: All right, listen up, listen up. New sweepstake. Best suggestions for next member of Clinton's family to be offered a government job. So far, we've got Chelsea Clinton as head of joint chiefs of staff and Socks the cat as head of the space program.
- Joy Merryweather: Helen. Should I update the Margaret Thatcher obituary?
- Helen Cooper: She hasn't done anything for months.
- Joy Merryweather: Yeah I know, but... I've had a really rough week and it would just make me feel better.
- Helen Cooper: [looking at Damien's notebook] What are all these doodles of guns being fired and knives sticking out of people's heads?
- Damien Day: Oh, I was interviewing Gyles Brandreth.
- George Dent: I thought we'd discovered a serious case of misconduct.
- Gus Hedges: Just because we discover misconduct, doesn't mean we have to make a television program about it!
- [last lines]
- Sally Smedley: Oh dear, poor little darling.
- [singing]
- Sally Smedley: The sun has got his hat on, hip-hip-hip hooray!