- Johnny Smith: Worst case scenario, I'll break out the blow torch and we'll fire that sucker up from the inside out.
- Alex Sinclair: What happened to forgetting about commercialism and searching for inner peace?
- Johnny Smith: What are you, crazy? This is Christmas in America.
- Johnny Smith: I thought you hated last-minute shopping.
- Alex Sinclair: Who can resist taking down a couple of dishonest soccer moms?
- Sara: Trimming the tree's the best part of Christmas.
- Christopher Wey: Not better than presents.
- Walt: Or turkey sandwiches.
- Christopher Wey: Or pumpkin pie.
- Walt: Or turkey sandwiches.
- Santa: [to the cooking Bruce] So, who are you, Betty Crocker?
- Johnny Smith: A female psychic, Santa Claus with amnesia, and the cast of Oliver! Not exactly a Norman Rockwell painting.
- Walt: [about Santa incorrectly reeling off reindeer names] Randolph?
- Johnny Smith: Forget it. He's on a roll.
- Johnny Smith: Go answer the door.
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: But it didn't ring.
- [doorbell rings]
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: cool.
- Alex Sinclair: And I thought who else do you know that might be on his own this time of year?
- Johnny Smith: And you thought of me.
- Bruce Lewis: Oh, the next thing you'll be telling me there's no such thing as Santa Claus.
- Alex Sinclair: You mean the fictional character created by New York City merchants at the turn of the century to encourage people to buy material goods?
- Bruce Lewis: I can't handle this.
- Bruce Lewis: [holds up his hand] This is Johnny's Dead Zone.
- [claps]
- Bruce Lewis: This is Johnny's Dead Zone on drugs-scrambled eggs!
- Sara: Trimming the tree's the best part of Christmas.
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: Not better than presents.
- Walt: Or turkey sandwiches.
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: Or pumpkin pie.
- Walt: Or turkey sandwiches.
- Johnny Smith: Go answer the door.
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: But it didn't ring.
- [doorbell rings]
- Johnny 'JJ' Bannerman: cool.