Photos
Quotes
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Lily Linneker : Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellsley.
Richie : Oo she sounds ni...
Lily Linneker : [continuing] -Obstronsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, third vicountess of Moldavia.
Eddie : Brilliant! We'll have half a dozen.
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Lily Linneker : [Checking their forms] I see, you want someone homely, with cooking skills, fun to be with... and a wazzo pair of jugs?
Richie : But obviously we're flexible.
Eddie : But not about the jugs.
Richie : No, we have to be firm on the jugs.
Eddie : And the jugs have to be very firm.
Richie : Oh, come off it, Eddie, there must be more to life than jugs.
Eddie : What?
Richie : [Thinks] You're right, a wazzo pair of jugs it is.
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[Richie tries to impress his date, Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Ovlomov Boblomov Dob, third viscountess of Moldavia]
Richie : What was it Shakespeare used to say?
Eddie : [dressed as a butler] Um..."Hello, my dear. I'm a playwriter, you know. Come on, give us a snog".
Richie : No, Eddie!
Eddie : Um..."Where's my quill? Bloody Hell, I bought five yesterday! Where do they all go?"
Richie : [laughing nervously] No, really! What was it he used to say?
Eddie : "What do you mean, it's crap? There's eight bodies at the end, and he gets to shag his Mum!"
[Richie punches Eddie in the groin]
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Richie : All my main castles are in the north, you start off in Berkshire and end up in... Twatshire.
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Natasha : This is a very sexy room, I bet you've been naughty in here a few times.
Richie : Oh you're not wrong there. You name it - swearing, doodling on the walls. I've flicked the 'v's out of that window more times than I care to remember.
Natasha : And are you going to be naughty now?
Richie : [looking at his flies] Medically the chances are against it.
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Richie : You're just jealous 'cause you're only a servant. Were you never in love?
Eddie : Yes I was, actually.
Richie : Oh! What was her name?
Eddie : [dreamy-eyed] Harry.
Richie : Harry?
Eddie : Harry Belafonte.
Richie : Wait, you were in love with Harry Belafonte?
Eddie : Well, that's what she said her name was. Well, she sort of shouted over her shoulder as she ran off into the night.
Richie : Let's forget shall we?
Eddie : That's what she said!
Richie : No, let's just drop it.
Eddie : She said that as well!
Richie : Edward Hitler, I am really not interested!
Eddie : This is uncanny! Were you there?
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Richie : I actually have some aristocratic blood in me, you know. I mean, they all give blood don't they, and I've had loads of transfusions in my life. So chances are I've got quite a lot of nob in me.
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Richie : [Spots something in the bowls] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is this? You haven't even cleaned these bowls out, Eddie.
[He empties the contents of the bowls into the bin]
Richie : This is disgusting, must I do everything myself? What is this stuff?
Eddie : That's the caviar.
Richie : What?
Eddie : Yeah, about two-hundred quids worth, that's about half a kidney.
Richie : [Gathers it back in] Oh yes, so it is. They've changed the design a bit, haven't they? Very novel and interesting. There, that'll do, no-one will know. Now, Eddie, have you strained you vegetables?
Eddie : No, it's just these hired trousers are a bit tight.
Richie : Come on, get on with it, look! You haven't even mashed the potatoes. Where is the potato masher?
Eddie : Well, Harry "I'll do anything for half-a-pint" Grundy's still got it.
Richie : Has he still got it?
Eddie : Yeah, they couldn't get it out of him in the hospital.
Richie : Well, you'll just have to use your head.
Eddie : What do you mean?
Richie : This.
[Shoves Eddie's head into the pan]
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Richie : [Richie addresses the camera very nervously in his dating introduction video] Hello... hello... er... er... lovely weather!... er... I... I can't see you obviously, but I bet you've all got smashing blouses on!
