- Gladys Kravitz: What's the door doing here?
- Darrin Stephens: It leads to another room.
- Gladys Kravitz: Over the front lawn?
- Darrin Stephens: Cantilevered.
- Samantha Stephens: We're adding a nursery.
- [Mrs. Kravitz opens the door and there is nothing there]
- Gladys Kravitz: The room hasn't been built yet.
- Gladys Kravitz: You mean, you put a door in the wall first?
- Samantha Stephens: How else would we get into the room to build it?
- Darrin Stephens: Do you have any idea what's the matter?
- Aunt Clara: I think her magic has gone to the pot, and she's developed square green spots.
- Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, we thought maybe you'd know what disease I have.
- Aunt Clara: Well, judging from the symptoms, I should think it's... er... a square green spot disease.
- Darrin Stephens: Is that serious?
- Aunt Clara: No, I don't think so. It's inconvenient, and it lasts a whole year.
- Darrin Stephens: A year?
- Aunt Clara: Yes. Usually only witches in Peru get it.
- Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, we were looking at a Peruvian rose earlier. Could that have had anything to do with it?
- Aunt Clara: Was it a black rose?
- [Darrin nods]
- Aunt Clara: Oh... Oh, dear. That explains... Explains everything. You know, a Peruvian black rose was a part of the formula that they used to drive the witches out of Peru.
- Samantha Stephens: I didn't know they had witches in Peru.
- Aunt Clara: Well, they haven't. It worked.
- Darrin Stephens: Aunt Clara, you said the disease isn't usually serious, but Sam's pregnant.
- Aunt Clara: Oh, really? Well, I've never known it to have that effect before. Never. I...
- Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara, Darrin wants to know if my having the disease while pregnant is serious.
- Aunt Clara: Well, there's only one way to find that out: Ask a Peruvian witch who was pregnant when she got the square green spot disease. Offhand, I think the chances of finding her is uh... is not too good.
- Darrin Stephens: Isn't there anything we can do?
- Aunt Clara: Well, now, if I only had the right ingredients, I could whip up a brew that could get rid of it like that, you know.
- Samantha Stephens: You could?
- Aunt Clara: Why, of course. Darrin, now would you mind running out and picking up some items I need?
- Darrin Stephens: Of course not, Aunt Clara. There's a drug store right here in the neighbourhood, stays open all night.
- Samantha Stephens: Exactly what do you need Aunt Clara?
- Aunt Clara: Well, now, let me see.
- [to Darrin]
- Aunt Clara: I think you'd better make a list. Well, now, let me see. Two bat wings. A half a pint of porpoise milk. And be sure it's fresh. Be sure it's fresh. Four eye of newt. And an ostrich feather. One. Yes, that's it. You got that, Darrin?
- Aunt Clara: Well, I'll give you the address of a little place that I shop.
- Abner Kravitz: Gladys, you were born a hundred years too late.
- Gladys Kravitz: What do you mean by that?
- Abner Kravitz: You'd have made a great town crier.
- Gladys Kravitz: You think I ought to take over some of my chicken soup?
- Abner Kravitz: No.
- Gladys Kravitz: Why not?
- Abner Kravitz: There's a city ordinance against poisoning people.
- Gladys Kravitz: Square green spots all over her face, Abner. What do you think of that?
- Abner Kravitz: So?
- Gladys Kravitz: How can you be so calm? Nobody ever had square green spots before.
- Abner Kravitz: Nobody ever had your chicken soup before.
- Darrin Stephens: [to the officer at the police station] Sergeant, do I look like the type of man who would go around accosting ladies in the middle of the night?
- Police Sergeant: No. No, I must admit you don't. You seem normal enough.
- Darrin Stephens: Well, thank you, Sergeant.
- Police Sergeant: By the way, what's in the bag?
- Darrin Stephens: Just some things I bought. May I go now?
- Police Sergeant: Just as soon as you tell me the contents of the bag.
- Darrin Stephens: Does it matter?
- Police Sergeant: It matters. What's in the bag?
- Darrin Stephens: Two bat wings, half a pint of porpoise milk, four eye of newt.
- Police Sergeant: You remember what I said about you seeming normal?
- [Darrin nods]
- Police Sergeant: Forget it.
- Gladys Kravitz: [talking about Samantha] I bet she has some strange disease, and we could catch it. Abner, you wanna wake up with something strange?
- Abner Kravitz: I've been doing that for twenty years. Why change now?
- Gladys Kravitz: Very funny.
- Darrin Stephens: [about the green square spots on Samantha's face] They seem to be getting bigger.
- Aunt Clara: Never mind. When I get my potion, she'll be as right as rain.
- Samantha Stephens: But aren't you still missing one ostrich feather?
- Aunt Clara: Oh, yes, yes. Well, I'll try and conjure one up
- [prepares spell-casting]
- Aunt Clara: . Now, cross your fingers.
- [Samantha and Darrin do so]
- Darrin Stephens: Is that part of the spell?
- Aunt Clara: No, but I need all the luck I can get. Now, one ostrich feather. Prankis, stokas, nixby, rashby.
- [a full grown live ostrich appears]
- Aunt Clara: I didn't realize they were that big, you know.
- [first lines]
- Mr. Norton: And over here, Sweet Osmanthus, African violets, gloxinias.
- Samantha Stephens: Well, they're perfectly beautiful.
- Mr. Norton: Thank you.
- Mr. Trigby: Porpoise milk? Porpoise milk.
- [goes to get the porpoise milk from the fridge]
- Darrin Stephens: Please make sure it's fresh.
- Mr. Trigby: Fresh? Why, I milked the porpoise myself, this morning.
- [last lines]
- Darrin Stephens: Oh, well, Mr. Norton, I want you to know that I'll understand if you request another account executive.
- Mr. Norton: [decides to let Darrin go] Darrin, all I know is, a man whose wife can raise black Peruvian roses, can't be all bad.
- Darrin Stephens: She's something pretty special.
- Mr. Norton: Special? Mrs. Stephens, you must be the greatest horitculturist in the country, or some sort of a, a magician.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, not at all, Mr. Norton. I simply have a green...
- Darrin Stephens: ...Nose. Uh, thumb.
- Samantha Stephens: Yes, thumb.