The New Batman Adventures (TV Series)

Joker's Millions (1998)

Mark Hamill: The Joker

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Joker : I'm crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? Nooo, thank you!

• Ernie : Hey boss. Why didn't you buy Harley a ticket out of the bin too?

  The Joker : Now, now, Ernie. Mustn't be too extravagant. besides, it's cheaper to hire a new one.

  [Walking among a row of "Harley candidates"] 

  The Joker : Too fat. Too small. Too old.

  The Joker : [takes a good look at Paul Dini, dressed in a Harley Quinn outfit]  ... No.

  Paul Dini : Darn!

• Batgirl : [holding back Joker so he can't jump off the boat]  Don't be stupid! You can't save that money!

  The Joker : I don't want to save it! I want to go with it!

• [at Joker's "going legit" party] 

  Oswald Cobblepot : What's the scheme this time, Joker?

  The Joker : Ha! No scheme at all, old bird. I'm free, I'm rich, and I'm loving it! I'm sure old Batboy is eating his heart out.

  Oswald Cobblepot : [pouring champagne]  Living well is the best revenge.

  [they clink glasses] 

• [the Joker's getaway car comes to a halt] 

  The Joker : I thought I told you to get gas!

  Harley Quinn : We're broke, remember? What was I supposed to do? Fill the tank, shoot the guy, and drive off?

  The Joker : [nods]  Mm-hmm.

  Harley Quinn : NOW, you tell me!

• The Joker : If I don't pay my taxes, I'll go to jail. But if I admit Barlowe duped me, I'll look like a fool!

  Ernie : Maybe you can raise the cash by pulling one of your classic routines, like them laughing fish.

  The Joker : [patting him on the head, sarcastically]  Good idea, Ernie. Let's let Batman know I did it so he can kick my keister right back into Arkham!

  [pushing him away] 

  The Joker : Dope.

• The Joker : [to his barking hyenas]  Yeah, yeah, you're hungry, I'm hungry. Do me a favor and eat each other.

• The Joker : After all, it's only money. So I'll let the taxpayers foot my bill again. Besides, it'll be nice to see the old gang.

  Harley Quinn : One them's dying to see you, too, puddin'.

  The Joker : Harley?

  Harley Quinn : The one and only.

  The Joker : You... you don't know how happy I am to see you!

  Harley Quinn : Welcome to the club.

  The Joker : [laughing nervously]  Now, baby, I can...

  [sounds of him getting clobbered] 

  The Joker : ...argh! Explain! Ow! Ooh! Ee! Owww!

• The Joker : [shooting at Batman, his gun clicks empty]  Quick, more bullets!

  Harley Quinn : Sorry, puddin'. That was the last clip. You know how expensive they are.

• The Joker : [robbing a bank envoy]  No laughing gas, no grins. No way Batboy can trace this back to me.

  [the boat rocks] 

  The Joker : Hey, keep the boat in the water!

  Fake Harley : [steering]  This definitely wasn't in the job description.

• The Joker : Alas, the bitter jest of fate. The once mighty Joker without two nickels to rub together.

• The Joker : Well, that was a complete fiasco! If we weren't so strapped for cash, I'd never have touched this job. Give me the loot.

  Harley Quinn : Don't you have it?

• The Joker : Well, well, Bruce Wayne. Join me.

  [to a passing waitress] 

  The Joker : A bottle of your best, my dear, for my guest.

  Bruce Wayne : You'll understand if I refuse. The last time we met, you tried to throw me off a building.

  The Joker : I did? Well, that was so long ago.

  Bruce Wayne : It was last month.

• The Joker : [seeing the Batmobile approach]  Whoops! Time to eject.

  [he pulls a lever, and his seat ejects from the car] 

  Harley Quinn : [searching for her own]  Hey, where's mine?

  The Joker : Sorry, kiddo! I could only afford one!

  Harley Quinn : You cheap, penny-pinching, pasty-faced creep! I'll get you for this, you lousy tightwad!

• Fake Harley : Hey, Mr. G, this money looks weird.

  The Joker : What do you mean?

  [taking it] 

  The Joker : It's a plain old stack of 100s. See? There's Ben Franklin's chubby little...

  [taking a closer look] 

  The Joker : What? King Barlowe?

  [going to another stack] 

  The Joker : He's on this stack. And this one!

  Fake Harley : He's on every one of these 1000s.

  The Joker : I don't understand.

  Ernie : [showing him a videocassette]  Hey, boss. I found this.

• The Joker : [opening a letter he receives]  "Dear sir, we regret to inform you of the passing of Mr. Edward, AKA King Barlowe..." whoo-hoo, there's good news. I hated him. "... who, in accordance with his last wishes has bequeathed to you the total..." $250 million!

  [jumping to his feet, laughing with joy] 

  The Joker : Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Good old King Barlowe! I take back almost all the nasty things I ever said about him.