- Barney Fife: Always had a nose for news.
- Andy Taylor: That's right, Ope. Actually, Barney's nose came first and then he kinda grew around it.
- Aunt Bee Taylor: Just imagine, he's old enough to be her father.
- Barney Fife: Yeah, it's a good deal for her, though. Harold owns half that sawmill. It's easy to see what May sees in December, Santa Claus.
- Reverend Martin: I'm convinced you're the right man, because your lessons would never be "as dry as dust".
- Reverend Martin: Well let's just say that the press misquoted you and let it be forgotten. Because you see, I feel like that I really came out ahead on this. Just for this, I got you hogtied for a whole month of Sundays.
- Andy Taylor: We'll just have to wait now. We'll give it a few hours and if the front room don't fill up with lawyers, I guess we got away with it.