- Lurch: You rang?
- Gomez Addams: Gadzooks, Lurch, you're here before a rang. Haha, that's what I call efficient.
- Morticia Addams: [Morticia has broken a mirror by throwing a boomerang] Wonderful! Seven more years of lovely luck.
- Gomez Addams: Reminds me of Cousin Goop. There was a fellow who really knew how to look for a job. Never found one.
- Morticia Addams: Pugsley! You don't mean to say you were looking for a position in a... racing parlor?
- Pugsley Addams: I thought it was a funeral parlor. That's what it said on the window.
- Bennie: Eh... that's just to fool the local fuzz. If they ever find out what I'm doing, it'll be my funeral.
- Gomez Addams: Pugsley, we have come to a decision.
- Morticia Addams: We've decided no matter how bizarre it may seem, we're going to let you go to work.
- Pugsley Addams: Whoopee!
- Morticia Addams: Now Pugsley, you've been taught to watch your language.
- Gomez Addams: Surely you don't object to the lad seeking honest employment.
- Dr. Bird: Oh, no, not at all. What I object to is him coming right in in the middle of an appendectomy wielding a scalpel.
- Morticia Addams: I'm sure he was only trying to help.
- Gomez Addams: Don't you have an apprentice program like the plumbers and carpenters?
- Mr. Glenville: Mrs. Addams, it is not the policy of the First National Bank to start our trainees off in the vault. What bothers me is how he got in there in the first place.
- Morticia Addams: Well, I think I can explain that. He dug a tunnel.
- Mr. Glenville: A tunnel?
- Morticia Addams: Yes, he's always digging tunnels. Aren't you, Pugsley, darling?
- Pugsley Addams: I had to. You kept throwing me out of your office.
- Mr. Glenville: Your son's been pestering me for a job.
- Morticia Addams: That's hardly cause for violence.
- Mr. Glenville: The job he wanted was vice president.
- Gomez Addams: What's wrong with that?
- Mr. Glenville: I'm vice president!
- Gomez Addams: Pugsley, why don't you give up job-hunting and take an allowance?
- Pugsley Addams: I wanna work for my money.
- [Pugsley leaves]
- Gomez Addams: That boy's fallen in with the wrong crowd.
- Morticia Addams: [referring to Pugsley and Wednesday] Ah, trust an Addams to finish the job.
- Gomez Addams: Finish the job? They're the first Addames who've ever had one.