Big Nothing (2006)

Sara-Jane Charles: Computer Operator at Call Centre

Quotes 

• Computer Operator at Call Centre : We take over 200,000 calls a day! Some of the biggest corporations in the country...

  [Camera pans to reveal three separate call center workers all named Melanie reading a closing script to callers] 

  Charlie : Do you only hire women named Melanie?

  Computer Operator at Call Centre : [laughs]  It's a trick of the trade, callers like to think they get the same service rep. This is the Melanie and John section, and you are over here with the Jennifers and Stephens, this is you.

  [Points to a call center desk] 

  Charlie : What do you mean this is me, I was told I had a supervisor position.

  Computer Operator at Call Centre : [laughs condescendingly]  You gotta spend six months in the trenches before you can interview for supervisor.

  Charlie : But I have a PhD, surely......

  Computer Operator at Call Centre : Look, do you want the job or not?

  Charlie : Yeah.

  Computer Operator at Call Centre : Great! Gus here will help get you started. K, Stephen?

  Charlie : Uh, It's Charlie.

  Computer Operator at Call Centre : [laughs and walks away]  Sure it is!

  Gus : [Taking a call]  In the file menu, do you see where it says open? Can you open the open menu? Okie-dokie, again my name is Stephen, thank you for calling Sentel. You have a great day.

  [Hangs up] 

  Charlie : [Narrating]  I actually liked Gus at first sight.

  Gus : Welcome to Hell dickhead.

  Charlie : I'm sorry?

  [Thinking] 

  Charlie : Well, maybe not at first sight.

  Gus : Hell! People hooked up to machines like slaves, and the smell

  [sniffs] 

  Gus : It's pure underarm.

  Charlie : So, what do we do here?

  Gus : [the phone rings, and Gus answers]  Sentel Online, Stephen speaking, how may I help you? Okie-Dolkie mam, have you checked to see if your PC is on?

  [Gets presumably cussed out by the caller] 

  Gus : No mam, I'm not a retard that's simply the protocol - sorry! Olkie-Dolkie, I'm gonna check that with my supervisor real quick, and uh, I'm gonna put you on hold.

  [Puts the call on hold] 

  Gus : You feel feisty you whiney little turkey-necked bitch? Why don't you hop up on my dick and bounce and see if that fires up your monitor SWEETHEART?

  [Picks up] 

  Gus : Hi mam, thanks for holding. Listen, I'm gonna transfer you over to our Technical Service Department, olkie-dolkie? Please hold.

  [Puts her on hold] 

  Gus : In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed dwarf is king.

  [Smiles at Charlie]