Transformers (2007)

Shia LaBeouf: Sam Witwicky

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Quotes 

• Ironhide : You have a rodent infestation.

  Sam Witwicky : A what?

  Ironhide : [aiming cannons at Mojo]  Shall I terminate?

  Sam Witwicky : No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.

  Ironhide : He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!

  Sam Witwicky : He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!

  Ironhide : Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...

• Judy Witwicky : [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow]  Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

  Ron Witwicky : Judy...

  Sam Witwicky : [frantic]  Was I master... No, Mom!

  Ron Witwicky : Zip it, okay?

  Judy Witwicky : It's okay...

  Sam Witwicky : No, I don't masturbate!

  Ron Witwicky : That's not something for you to bring up.

  Judy Witwicky : Okay.

  Ron Witwicky : That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

  Sam Witwicky : Father-son thing...

  Judy Witwicky : I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...

  Sam Witwicky : [amazed]  Happy time?

  Judy Witwicky : ...my special alone time...

  Ron Witwicky : Judy, stop!

  Judy Witwicky : ...with myself.

  Sam Witwicky : Mom, you can't come in and...

  Judy Witwicky : I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.

• [Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade] 

  Mikaela : Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

  Sam Witwicky : No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die. Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!

  [Bumblebee heads towards a wall] 

  Sam Witwicky : [high-pitched scream]  Oh, my God! No! We're gonna die!

• Sam Witwicky : [looking up at Bumblebee]  Can you talk?

  Bumblebee : [through his radio]  "XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...

  Sam Witwicky : So, you... so you talk through the radio?

  Bumblebee : [clapping his hands]  "Thank you, you're beautiful! You're wonderful, you're wonderful."

  Sam Witwicky : So what was that last night? What was that?

  Bumblebee : [pointing skywards]  "Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"

  Mikaela : Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?

  [Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro] 

  Bumblebee : "Any more questions you want to ask?"

  Sam Witwicky : He wants us to get in the car.

  Mikaela : [laughing nervously]  And go where?

  Sam Witwicky : Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?

• Mikaela : Why are you here?

  Optimus Prime : We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.

  Sam Witwicky : Mega-what?

  [Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron] 

  Optimus Prime : Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him...

  Sam Witwicky : My grandfather.

  Optimus Prime : It was an accident that intertwined our fates.

  [Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice] 

  Optimus Prime : Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.

  [the Captain fiddles with Megatron's gears, causing a bright light to strike him...] 

  Optimus Prime : He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.

  Sam Witwicky : How did you know about his glasses?

  Optimus Prime : eBay.

  Sam Witwicky : eBay...

  Ratchet : If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.

  Optimus Prime : And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.

  Mikaela : Please tell me that you have those glasses?

• Barricade : Are you username: LadiesMan217?

  Sam Witwicky : I don't know what you're talking about!

  Barricade : ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?

  Sam Witwicky : Yeah...

  Barricade : Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?

• Ron Witwicky : [drives past a Porsche dealer]  I've got a little surprise for you, son.

  Sam Witwicky : No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!

  [laughs] 

• Sam Witwicky : Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.

  Sheriff : It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...

  [hands Sam a container and a tissue] 

  Sheriff : And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?

  Sam Witwicky : No, I'm not on any drugs!

  Sheriff : What's these?

  [shows Sam a bottle of pills] 

  Sheriff : Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?

  Sam Witwicky : Those are my dog's pain pills.

  Ron Witwicky : You know, a Chihauhua. A little...

  Sheriff : [annoyed]  What was that?

  Sam Witwicky : Hmm?

  Sheriff : You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?

  [leans over Sam] 

  Sheriff : Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.

  Sam Witwicky : [whispers]  Are you on drugs?

• Trent : You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?

  Sam Witwicky : Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.

  Trent : Oh, yeah?

  Sam Witwicky : Yeah!

  Trent : [grinning]  Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?

  Sam Witwicky : [laughs a little]  No, it's about the link between brain damage and football.

  [Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile] 

  Sam Witwicky : [nods head]  No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.

• Sam Witwicky : So...

  Maggie Madsen : What'd they get you for?

  Sam Witwicky : I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.

  Glen : [whispered]  Wow.

  Sam Witwicky : Who knew?

• Bumblebee : [fully repaired]  Permission to speak, sir?

  Optimus Prime : Permission granted, old friend.

  Sam Witwicky : You speak now?

  Bumblebee : I wish to stay with the boy.

  Optimus Prime : If that is his choice.

  Sam Witwicky : Yes.

• Bobby Bolivia : [about the Camaro]  I'll let you have it for $5,000.

  Ron Witwicky : No, I'm not going above $4,000.

  Bobby Bolivia : The door just closed.

  [turns to Sam] 

  Bobby Bolivia : Get out of the car.

  Sam Witwicky : Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",

  Bobby Bolivia : Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!

• Optimus Prime : Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?

  Mikaela : They know your name!

  Sam Witwicky : Yeah.

  Optimus Prime : My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.

  Ratchet : But you can call us "Autobots", for short.

• [Bumblebee approaches Sam and Mikaela] 

  Mikaela : What is it?

  Sam Witwicky : It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.

  [He slowly walks towards Bumblebee] 

  Mikaela : [alarmed]  What are you doing?

  Sam Witwicky : I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already.

  Mikaela : Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!

• [Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel] 

  Mikaela : [in the back seat]  This car's a pretty good driver.

  Sam Witwicky : [in the passenger seat]  Yeah.

  [looks at the empty driver's seat] 

  Sam Witwicky : Why don't you go sit on that seat there?

  Mikaela : I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.

  Sam Witwicky : Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.

  Mikaela : Why?

  Sam Witwicky : Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.

  Mikaela : Yeah. Right.

  [Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap] 

  Sam Witwicky : See? That's better.

  Mikaela : You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.

  Sam Witwicky : Thank you.

• Agent Simmons : Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.

  Sam Witwicky : Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...

  Agent Simmons : Really?

  Sam Witwicky : ...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!

  Mikaela : Well, not by itself.

  Sam Witwicky : Well, no.

  Mikaela : Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.

  [everyone laughs] 

  Agent Simmons : So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?

  [laughing stops] 

• Sam Witwicky : [after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car]  You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.

  Optimus Prime : Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!

• Sam Witwicky : Where's my car?

  Tom Banachek : Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.

  Sam Witwicky : Okay... But first I'll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like, forever.

  Tom Banachek : [exhales]  Come with me. We'll talk about your car.

  Mikaela : [to Sam]  Thank you.

  Sam Witwicky : Sure.

  Agent Simmons : [deep sigh]  The man's an extortionist.

• Mikaela : [after Sam has tripped on his mother's bike]  That was, uh... that was really awesome.

  Sam Witwicky : Felt awesome.

  Mikaela : Are you okay?

  Sam Witwicky : No, I'm not okay alright? I'm losin' my mind a little bit. Gettin' chased by my car right now, gotta go!

• Optimus Prime : Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.

  Sam Witwicky : No sacrifice, no victory.

• Agent Simmons : What you're about to see is totally classified...

  [Project Iceman is reveled: a towering mechanical clossus, imprisoned in a cryogenic chamber] 

  Keller : Dear God... what is this?

  Tom Banachek : We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole our gravitation field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years ago. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.

  Agent Simmons : We call him NBE-1.

  Sam Witwicky : I don't mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.

  Tom Banachek : He's been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.

  Agent Simmons : Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. NBE-1...

  [glares at Sam] 

  Agent Simmons : That's what we call IT!

  Keller : And you didn't think that the United States Military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?

  Tom Banachek : Until these events we had no credible threats to national security.

  Keller : Well, you got one now!

• Captain Lennox : So why Earth?

  Sam Witwicky : It's the All Spark.

  Keller : All Spark? What is that?

  Sam Witwicky : Well, they came here looking for some sort of cube-looking thing. Anyway, Mr. NBE-1 here, aka MEGATRON...

  [glares at Simmons] 

  Sam Witwicky : That's what they call HIM... who's pretty much the harbinger of death, wants to use the cube to transform human technology to take over the universe. That's their plan.

• Sam Witwicky : [begging his teacher to give him an "A"]  Look, can you do me a favor-can you look out the window for a second? See my father? He's the guy in the green car? Let me tell you about a dream, a boy's dream, and a man's promise to that boy. He looked him in the eye and said "Son, I' gonna buy you a car, but I want you to bring me two-thousand dollars and three A's." OK, I got the two thousand and two A's. OK, here's the dream. Your B minus? Pfff! Dream gone. Kaput. Sir, just ask yourself... What would Jesus do?

• Sam Witwicky : [as a technician hoses down Bumblebee]  Stop! You gotta stop! Stop! Stop! Let him go! Let him go!

  [technicians stop, Bumblebee looks to Sam] 

  Sam Witwicky : Ya okay? They didn't hurt you, right?

  [Bumblebee, wild with pain, draws his blaster, aiming at everyone] 

  Sam Witwicky : [calming both Bumblebee and the humans]  Listen to me, the Cube is here, and the Decepticons are coming... No, no, don't worry about them, they're ok, right, they're not gonna hurt you... Just back up a little bit, he's friendly, he's fine... Ok, come on, put the guns down, they're not gonna hurt you. Come with me, we're gonna take you to the All Spark.

• Sam Witwicky : [to a crippled Bumblebee]  I'm not going to leave you!

• [Bumblebee gets his legs blown off by Starscream] 

  Sam Witwicky : You're gonna be okay... you're gonna be okay... RATCHET!

• Captain Lennox : Sam! Where's the Cube?

  Sam Witwicky : Right there.

  Captain Lennox : Okay. Epps, get those Black Hawks here!

  [sees a building] 

  Captain Lennox : That building. Okay.

  Sam Witwicky : What?

  Captain Lennox : All right, I can't leave my guys back there, so here, take this flare.

  [hands him the flare and the All Spark] 

  Captain Lennox : Okay, there's a tall, white building with statues on top. Go to the roof. Set the flare.

  Sam Witwicky : No.

  Captain Lennox : Signal the chopper and set the flare.

  Sam Witwicky : No, no. I can't do this!

  Captain Lennox : [grabs him]  Listen to me! You're a soldier now! All right? I need you to take this Cube. Get it into military hands while we hold them off, or a lot of people are gonna die.

  [to Mikaela] 

  Captain Lennox : You got to go. You got to go.

  Mikaela : No, I'm not leaving.

  Captain Lennox : You need to go. Go.

  Mikaela : No, I'm not leaving till I get Bumblebee out of here, okay?

  USAF Master Sgt. Epps : [into radio]  Army Black Hawk requested. Immediate evac for civilian boy with precious cargo. Headed to rooftop marked by flare.

  Ironhide : Sam, we will protect you.

  Sam Witwicky : [breathing heavily]  Okay.

• Mikaela : You know what I don't understand?

  Sam Witwicky : What?

  Mikaela : If he's like, this super-advanced robot, why does he transform into this piece-of-crap Camaro?

• Sam Witwicky : That's stupid. That was a stupid line. "There's more than meets the eye with you." Stupid.

• Sam Witwicky : What is Sector 7? Answer me!

  Agent Simmons : I ask the questions round here, not you, young man!

  Mikaela : All right, how did you know about the aliens?

  Sam Witwicky : Where did you take my parents?

  Agent Simmons : I am not at liberty to discuss...

  [Sam snatches his badge away] 

  Agent Simmons : Hey, you touch me, that's a federal offense!

  Sam Witwicky : [holding it up]  "Do whatever you want and get away with it" badge, right?

  Agent Simmons : Brave now, all of a sudden with his big alien friends standing over there.

• [Sam gives Mikaela a ride home] 

  Mikaela : [looking out the window]  I can't believe that I'm here right now.

  Sam Witwicky : You can duck down if you want. I mean, it won't hurt my feelings.

  Mikaela : Oh, no no no. I didn't mean here with you. I just meant here, like, in this situation. The same situation that I'm always in. 'Cause, I don't know, I guess I just have a weakness for hot guys, for tight abs and really big arms.

  Sam Witwicky : Big arms?

  [swallows] 

  Sam Witwicky : Well, there's a couple new additions in the car. Like, I just put that light there...

  [points back, and flexes his arm muscle] 

  Sam Witwicky : ...and that disco ball...

  [he turns his hand forward, still flexing] 

  Sam Witwicky : ...and so the light reflects off the disco ball.

  [points back and forth, flexing his arm all the while] 

• Sam Witwicky : No, no, no, no, no, no... Hey! That's my car!

  [Sam grabs a cellphone and cycle and chases after his car] 

  Sam Witwicky : Hello? 911 emergency! My car's been stolen! I'm in pursuit! I need the whole squadron, bring everyone! No, no don't ask any questions, my father's the head of the neighbourhood watch!

• Sam Witwicky : [to five vehicles in his yard]  This isn't hiding! That's my backyard, not a truckstop!

• [trying to escape Barricade, Sam tackles Mikaela off her bike] 

  Mikaela : What is your problem, Sam?

  Sam Witwicky : Okay, there's a monster, it just attacked me!

  [Barricade stomps after them] 

  Sam Witwicky : Here it comes!

• [Sam runs to the top of a skyscraper and prepares to hand over the Cube to a waiting helicopter...] 

  Sam Witwicky : [spotting Starscream]  WATCH OUT!

  [Starscream fires at the copter, incapacitating it] 

  Sam Witwicky : Oh my God... Where do I go?

  Optimus Prime : [hurrying across rooftops]  Hang on, Sam!

  [With a crash, Megatron rises from below; frightened, Sam clings to a statue at the edge of the building] 

  Megatron : Is it fear or courage that compels you, fleshling?

  Sam Witwicky : [terrified]  Oh no! No!

  Megatron : Give me the All Spark, and you may live to be my pet.

  Sam Witwicky : [still making a stand]  I'm never giving you this All Spark!

  Megatron : Oh, so unwise...

  [With a roar, he pulls out a flail from his arm and smashes the rooftop, sending a screaming Sam plummeting towards the ground...] 

  Optimus Prime : [grabbing Sam]  I got you, boy! Hold on to the Cube!

  [Prime leaps down, but Megatron grabs him, and all three tumble down into the street] 

• Sam Witwicky : You're not gonna get me! You're not gonna get me!

  [runs into a building; moments later, Magatron smashes through a window] 

  Megatron : I smell you, boy...!

  [senses Sam on the floor above him and bursts through, narrowly missing Sam] 

  Megatron : MAGGOT!

• Sam Witwicky : [presenting his assignment]  So, for my genealogy report, I decided to write on my great-great-grandfather, Captain Archibald Witwicky, who was a famous man. He was a polar explorer; in fact, he was one of the first men to visit the Arctic Circle, which is a big deal. In 1897 he took 41 brave explorers with him to the Arctic Shelf. That's the story. Unfortunately my great-grandfather, the genius that he is, went blind and crazy - he spent the rest of his life in a psycho ward, drawing these strange symbols and babbling about some Iceman he'd discovered...

• Trent : So, what are you guys doing here?

  Sam Witwicky : [looking at the tree Miles is climbing]  We're here to climb this tree.

• Ron Witwicky : [brandishing a bat, outside his son's door]  5... 4... It's comin' off the hinges, pal. 3... 2... stand back!

  [as Ron gets ready to break the door down, Sam opens it] 

  Sam Witwicky : What's up?... What's with the bat?

  Ron Witwicky : Who were you talking to?

  Sam Witwicky : Talkin' to you!

  Judy Witwicky : Why are you so sweaty and filthy?

  Sam Witwicky : I'm a child, you know, I'm a teenager.

• Sam Witwicky : It's custom-faded?

• Sam Witwicky : [to Frenzy]  Not so tough without a head, are ya?

  [kicks Frenzy's head] 

• Sam Witwicky : [speaking to Optimus Prime through his window]  Okay, listen. You gotta listen to me! If my parents come out here and see you, they're going to freak. My mother's got a temper.

• Sam Witwicky : This... I can't do it anymore. You're putting girl jewelry on a boy dog.

  Judy Witwicky : What?

  Sam Witwicky : He's got enough self-esteem issues being a Chihuahua, Mom.

  Judy Witwicky : That's his bling!

• Sam Witwicky : [upon seeing his car transform, he hides and starts making a video last testament with his phone]  My name is Sam Witwicky. Whoever finds this, my car is alive, okay?

  [holds up phone] 

  Sam Witwicky : You saw that, since this is my last words on Earth, I just wanna say, Mom, Dad, I love you and if you find "Busty Beauties" under my bed, it wasn't mine. I'm holding it for Miles. No, No, wait that... Okay, that's not true. It's mine and Uncle Charles gave it to me. I'm sorry. Mojo, I love you.

• Mikaela : You got a high rise double pump carburetor. That's... that's pretty impressive, Sam.

  Sam Witwicky : Double pump?

  Mikaela : It squirts the fuel in so you can go faster.

  Sam Witwicky : Oh... I like to go faster.

• Judy Witwicky : Sam, we heard you talking to someone...

  Sam Witwicky : Mom, I...

  [Sam's parents fall silent and stare at Mikaela] 

  Mikaela : Hi, I'm Mikaela. I'm a... I'm a friend of Sam's.

  [Judy starts giggling and chucks Sam on the shoulder] 

  Judy Witwicky : Gosh, you're gorgeous!

  [turns to Ron] 

  Judy Witwicky : Isn't that the prettiest girl?

  Sam Witwicky : She can hear you talking, Mom.

• Optimus Prime : Ratchet, shine the light.

  Sam Witwicky : Would you stop with the lights?

• [Sam wistfully watches Mikaela walk away] 

  Bumblebee : [turning his radio on]  "Who's gonna drive you home?"

  Miles : Hey, man, what's wrong with your radio?

  Sam Witwicky : I am.

  Miles : What?

  Sam Witwicky : I'm gonna drive her home!

  Miles : What? She's an evil jock concubine, man, let her hitchike!

  Sam Witwicky : She lives ten miles away, all right? It's my only chance! Get out of the car!

• Bobby Bolivia : [pointing at himself]  You come to see me?

  Sam Witwicky : I had to.

  Sam Witwicky : That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobbie B, baby, Uncle Bobbie B.

  [smiles and shakes Sam's hand] 

• Sam Witwicky : [to Mikaela]  I was wondering if, if I could ride you home... I, I mean if I could give you a ride home!

• Sam Witwicky : [in a used car showroom]  You ever seen "The 40 Year Old Virgin"?

  Ron Witwicky : Yeah...

  Sam Witwicky : [points to a car]  Well, you see this? This is the 40-year-old virgin...

  [points to another car] 

  Sam Witwicky : And this is the 50-year-old virgin!

• Sam Witwicky : [on phone about Bumblebee]  Um yeah, Satan's Camaro? It's stalking me!

• Sam Witwicky : [checking out his car for the first time]  Feels good.

• Sam Witwicky : I'm cool with, you know, females working on my engine. I prefer it, actually.

• Sam Witwicky : ...and the compass makes uh... a great gift for Columbus Day...