Chappelle's Show (2003–2006)

Tuck Milligan: Phillip Holston, Prosecutor #2

Quotes 

• [jury selection for the Michael Jackson trial] 

  Prosecutor : You know, he's been accused of this before.

  Dave Chappelle : So? Some people say the cucumbers taste better pickled.

  Prosecutor : What?

  Dave Chappelle : Huh?

  Prosecutor : What?

  Dave Chappelle : Huh?

• Prosecutor : So, you don't think Michael Jackson is guilty?

  Dave Chappelle : No, man. He made "Thriller".

  [pause] 

  Dave Chappelle : Thriller.

• Prosecutor : What if I told you that the accusers correctly described Michael's penis to investigators?

  Dave Chappelle : Sir, I have never seen Michael's alleged penis, but I bet you that I can describe it all right? Let me guess... there's a head, a shaft, some balls, hair - maybe pressed, permed hair, with glitter sprinkled on it.

  Prosecutor : That's correct.

  Dave Chappelle : Whoa... how'd I know? Come on dude, I couldn't pick my own penis out of a line up, all right? And me and penis is like this, son.

• Dave Chappelle : Look, man, look. Michael Jackson has many faces - none of them look guilty to me. You gotta look in the eyes, not the noses.

  Prosecutor : He's been accused of this more than once.

  Dave Chappelle : So? Some people say that cucumbers taste better pickled.

  Prosecutor : What?

  Dave Chappelle : Huh?

  Prosecutor : What?

  Dave Chappelle : Huh?