- [Timon and Pumbaa have found their dream home; Timon is talking to himself, Pumbaa is making a celebration supper]
- Timon: The monkey was right! We found it! The perfect life!
- Pumbaa: I'll just whip up a little something.
- Timon: He had the perfect name for it, too.
- Pumbaa: Come and get it!
- Timon: [sits at a rock] Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm. Laduda Ladada.
- Pumbaa: Try this - hot tuna frittata.
- Timon: Hmm. No, that's not it.
- Pumbaa: The spinach armada.
- Timon: Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think.
- Pumbaa: A spoon of ricotta.
- Timon: Two words.
- Pumbaa: A wormy piccata.
- Timon: Six syllables.
- Pumbaa: Kahuna colada.
- Timon: Twelve letters.
- Pumbaa: A blue enchilada.
- Timon: Rhymes with... .
- Pumbaa: Legumes on a platter.
- Timon: Think, think, think.
- Pumbaa: [poking a dish] This oughta be hotta.
- Timon: I forget.
- Pumbaa: I gotta lambada!
- [dances right into Timon]
- Timon: HEY! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm DYIN' here!... . Ooh, sorry about that, pal.
- Pumbaa: Hakuna Matata.
- Timon: ....Come again?
- Pumbaa: Hakuna Matata - It means "no worries". Ah-ohhhh... .
- Timon: Who knows why fate led us to little Simba?
- [images of Simba scaring Timon run throughout the scene]
- Timon: Maybe it was my love of adventure, my innate courage, or my... . Okay! Who's in charge of the freeze-frames?
- Pumbaa: Sorry.
- Timon: Anywho... . Rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the real scary part:
- [dramatic music]
- Timon: Parenthood.
- [Rafiki appears before Timon from a tree]
- Timon: You! No, no, don't say a word. I know what you're going to say.
- [Imitates Rafiki]
- Timon: Did you find Hakuna Matata?
- [Normal]
- Timon: Well, yes, I did! Thank you very much.
- [Laughs]
- Timon: And I am happy. Happy, happy, deliriously happy.
- [Imitates]
- Timon: Ho ha ha! I see. Happy, is it? So, if you're so happy, why do you look so miserable?
- [Normal]
- Timon: Miserable, you say? Why should I be miserable? Oh, I don't know. Maybe my two best pals in the world deserted me. Heh. They - they've headed off on some heroic mission... . My friends... . are gone.
- [Realizes]
- Timon: And... . my Hakuna Matata went with them!
- Rafiki: [smiles and nods]
- Timon: [points to his head] Would you mind?
- [bows his head down]
- Rafiki: [lightly hits him on the head with his stick]
- Timon: Ay. Thanks. I'm glad we had this talk.
- [clicks his tongue at Rafiki and runs off screen]
- Rafiki: [to the audience] My work here is done.
- Timon: [singing along to opening of "The Lion King"] What's on the menu? It could be ceviche. It's stinky. Ooh it's Pumbaa.
- Pumbaa: I gotta tell you, Timon, that song always gets me, right here.
- Timon: Yes, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that.
- [fast forwards film with his remote]
- Pumbaa: Uhh, Timon, what are you doing?
- Timon: I'm fast forwarding to the part where we come in.
- Pumbaa: But you can't go out of order.
- Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote.
- Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused.
- [picks up his own remote and rewinds film]
- Pumbaa: We gotta go back to the beginning of the story.
- Timon: [fast forwarding] We're not *in* the beginning of the story.
- Pumbaa: [rewinding] Yes we were, the whole time.
- Timon: [fast forwarding] Yeah, but they don't know that.
- Pumbaa: [rewinding] Then, why don't we tell them our story?
- [Film stops during the hyena attack; Timon and Pumbaa are spooked]
- Timon: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story?
- Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that.
- Timon: Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.
- Pumbaa: Uh, Timon? What are you doin'?
- Timon: Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... . would you do me the honor of becoming... . my bride?
- Shenzi: I don't think so!
- Timon: Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?"
- Shenzi: Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature.
- Timon: Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? I'm lonely.
- Pumbaa: Can I be your best man?
- Banzai: I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!
- Uncle Max: Timon the sentry? Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now? JUST KILL ME NOW!
- Timon: [to Mom] He has a point.
- Mom: All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe.
- Iron Joe: [camera pans over to Iron Joe] DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T LOOK AWAY! SOMEBODY'S GONNA GUARD US! SOMEBODY'S GONNA PROTECT US!
- [sobs uncontrollably]
- Timon: [camera pans over to Timon] Well, now I'm convinced... .
- Timon: I uh, I guess I owe everyone an apology. All right so I made a teensy mistake, like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before uh-haha come on, let me have a show of hands! Ooook.
- [Timon is awaken by Simba singing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King"]
- Timon: Oh, perfect! We moved into the theater district. Get a load of these guys. Knock it off!
- Timon: [about Simba] He's gone? Whaddaya MEAN he's gone?
- Nala: It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned.
- [Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly]
- Nala: [sighs] You guys want me to go over it again?
- Timon: Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating!
- Nala: OK. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas...
- Pumbaa: [Thinks] Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the SURE INDESCRIBABLE HORROR!
- Timon: [Thinks] Blah blah blah! WHY IS SHE TOYING WITH US? AAH! THIS CRAZY CHICK IS GONNA EAT US!
- Nala: [continues to explain] ... So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king!
- [Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa]
- Nala: [frustrated] Ohh... don't you get it? Simba NEEDS us! NOW!
- [runs off into the jungle]
- Timon: Let's go Pumbaa. I think the storm's coming to a head.
- [in the background the clouds are shaping to form Mufasa's head]
- Timon: [singing]
- [from the movie]
- Timon: Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meet / Eat my buddy, Pumbaa, here 'cause he's a... .
- [Timon pauses the movie]
- Timon: Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?
- Pumbaa: Oh, okay.
- [Timon pushes next on the remote and it goes to the part where the hyenas chase Timon and Pumbaa]
- Timon, Pumbaa: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
- Timon: What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home, sweet home, Pumbaa!