- Mrs. Bhamra: [after having agreed to let Jess go to America] At least I taught her full Indian dinner, the rest is up to God.
- Tony: Look, Jessie. You can't plan who you fall for. It just happens. I mean, look at... Posh and Becks.
- Jess: Well, Beckham's the best.
- Tony: [chuckles] Yeah! I really like Beckham too.
- Jess: Well of course you do. No one can cross a ball or bend it like Beckham
- Tony: [shakes head] No, Jess. I *really* like Beckham.
- Jess: What? You mean...
- [incredulous scoff]
- Jess: But you're Indian!
- [explaining to Joe how she got the large burn scar on her thigh that makes her shy of wearing shorts]
- Jess: I was eight. My mum was working overtime at Heathrow. And I was trying to cook beans on toast. And I jumped up to the grill to get the toast. And my trousers caught light so my sister put me in the bath, poured cold water over me and pulled them off. And half my skin came off too.
- Joe: Sorry.
- Jess: I know - it put me off beans on toast for life.
- [Re: Jesminder's breasts]
- Dressmaker: Don't worry, Miss Bahmra. Our designs will make even these little mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangos!
- Wedding Guest (older woman): She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi!
- Mrs. Bhamra: Your sister's getting engaged and you're sitting here watching this skinhead boy!
- Jess: Mum, it's Beckham's corner!
- Jules: We need you come to the Grand Final.
- Jess: I can't.
- Jules: [thinking it's about seeing Joe] You have to come!
- Jess: No, I can't!
- [sighs]
- Jess: It's the same day as my sister's wedding.
- Jules: [moaning quietly] Aw, shit.
- Jess: [later, to Joe] Jess can't come on the 25th. It's the same day as her sister's wedding.
- Joe: [angrily] *Shit!*
- Paula: Don't tell me. The offside rule is when the French mustard has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.
- Paula: That's why she's been so depressed lately cos' that Jess broke her heart! She's in love. With a girl!
- Alan Paxton: You're jumping to all the wrong conclusions
- Paula: But I heard her! No wonder she never looked twice at the Kevin or brought any boys home. I tried to get her nice clothes, you know we've had some lovely prints in this summer you know in swimwear and sarongs and that. She never wants to go shopping with me. It was terrible what they did to that George Michael going on about him and his private business in the papers like that! Oh No!
- Alan Paxton: George Michael is still a superstar and you still listen to Wham!
- Jess: [after family accuses her of kissing a white boy who is really Jules] Me? Kissing? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.
- Woman at Party: [to Jess about marriage] Now do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with full beard and turban?
- Jess: Joe! I'm going! They said I could go!
- [Joe and Jess hug tightly]
- Men in Background: Oi, oi, oi!
- Jess: I'm sorry, I forgot.
- Joe: That's okay now. I'm not your coach anymore. We can do what we want.
- [Joe leans in to kiss Jess. Jess wants to, but pulls back]
- Jess: Joe...
- Joe: [quickly pulls away] Your dad's not here is he?
- Jess: I'm sorry Joe. I can't.
- Joe: I thought you wanted...
- Jess: Letting me go to America is a really big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you too.
- Joe: I guess there's not much point with you going to America anyway. Is there?
- [she shakes her head and they hug each other tightly]
- Hounslow Harrier: [teases Jess about her kicking] Wimp!
- Jess: [retaliates] I'm better than you!
- Hounslow Harrier: Ooooooooooh! Bitch!
- Jess: But, Dad!
- Mrs. Bhamra: [interrupts] No! This is where you spoil her! No, this is how it started with your niece - the way that girl would answer back. And, then, running off to become a model wearing small, small skirts!
- Jess: Mom, she's a fashion designer!
- Mrs. Bhamra: I don't want you running around half naked in front of men, huh? Look how dark you've become, playing in the sun!
- Jess: But, Mom, I'm really good!
- Mrs. Bhamra: What family will want a daughter-in-law who can run around kicking football all day but can't make round chapattis? Now exams are over, I want you to learn full Punjabi dinner, meat and vegetarian.
- Jess: Look, Jess, you can marry anyone you want. It's fine at first when you're in love and all that, but do you want to be the one that everyone stares at, at every family do, because you married the English bloke?
- Jess: He's Irish.
- Pinky Bhamra: Yeah, well, they look the bloody same to them, innit?
- Jess: Kissing? Me? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.
- Mr. Bhamra: Jesminder, don't use those swearing words!
- Jess: I was at the 120 bus stop today but with Juliet. My friend. She's a girl, and we weren't kissing or anything for God's sake!
- Mr. Bhamra: Swear by Babaji.
- Jess: I swear on Babaji's name.
- Jess: My sister's gettin' married soon. It's a love match.
- Mel: What's that mean?
- Jess: It's not arranged.
- Teammate: So, if you can choose, does that mean you can marry a white boy?
- Jess: White, no. Black, definitely not. A Muslim, eh-eh!
- Mel: Guess you'll be marrying an Indian, then!
- Jules: Probably.
- Mel: Sorry, I don't know how you Indian girls put up with it?
- Jess: It's just culture, that's all.
- Paula: You blow 'em up, just like a lilo. Look, this little pump comes free with it. Pop it in the valve, pump away, up it goes, then slip it back in there and boom! Cleavage! They're perfect while you're still growing 'cause they lift you right there.
- Jules: Mum! God, you're so embarrassing!
- Paula: They make more of what you've got, sweetheart. All the girls have bought one for their daughters. The Fleur's pretty, and the gel bra's a clever one - no pumping, it's already in there.