Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000–2024)
Jeff Garlin: Jeff Greene
Photos
Quotes
-
Larry : He insulted me. He implied that I was lying about my stepfather!
Jeff Greene : You don't have a stepfather.
Larry : I know, but I didn't like the implication!
-
Restaraunt Chef : [Larry hires a chef who has Tourette's Syndrome] Fuckhead shitface cocksucker asshole son of a bitch!
[the restaurant suddenly turns silent]
Larry David : [Remembering seeing some high school students support a kid with cancer] Maybe one day I'll get a chance to do something good for somebody like that.
Larry David : [Aloud] Scum-sucking motherfucking whore!
Jeff Greene : Cock! Cock! Jism! Grandma! Cock!
Michael York : Bum! Fuck, turd, fart... cunt, piss, shit, bugger and balls!
Restaurant Manager : Dammit... hell... crap... ssssssshit!
Cheryl : Ya goddamn motherfuckin' bitch!
Susie Greene : [Thinking Cheryl is yelling at her] Fuck you, you car wash cunt! I HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT!
Cheryl's Dad : Fellatio, cunnilingus, french kissing! Rimjob.
Richard Lewis : Pussy pig fucker!
Jeff Greene's Dad : Boy cock, girl cock, E-I-E-I-O!
[Everyone in the restaurant is now laughing hysterically]
-
Jeff Greene : All of the women at HBO, they don't want to work with you.
Larry David : Oh, come on. That's ridiculous.
Jeff Greene : They think you're a misogynist.
Larry David : Why, 'cause I called the guy a cunt? So what!
Jeff Greene : 'Cause you called the guy a cunt.
Larry David : Big deal, I call men pricks all the time, men want to work with me.
Jeff Greene : Well, cunt's worse.
Larry David : Cunt's not worse. Pricks and cunts, they're equal. Pricks, cunts, come on. They balance out.
Jeff Greene : No, cunt is worse. Cunt's much heavier.
Larry David : Why? Why is cunt heavier?
Jeff Greene : I never questioned, it just is.
Larry David : That's sexist to me! Come on.
-
Larry David : I pee sitting down.
Jeff Greene : You pee sitting down?
Larry David : Yeah! Have you ever tried it?
Jeff Greene : No!
Larry David : It's more comfortable. When you get up during the night you don't have to turn on the light and wake up, and you get to read.
Jeff Greene : What are you reading?
Larry David : I'm reading a lot of stuff.
Jeff Greene : What stuff?
Larry David : If I peed twenty times during a day I can get through a whole New York Times for god's sake!
Jeff Greene : Twenty times?
Larry David : Yeah! Hey buddy, when you're peeing all over your shoe, I'm learnin' somethin'!
Jeff Greene : What makes you think I'm peeing all over my shoe while you're learnin' somethin'?
-
Nurse : I have good news, gentlemen. Both of your blood types are compatible with Mr. Lewis for his kidney transplant.
Jeff Greene : Goodnight, nurse...
Nurse : Goodnight.
Jeff Greene : It's just a saying.
Nurse : I never heard of it.
Jeff Greene : It's an old one.
Nurse : That's nice.
Jeff Greene : It is.
Nurse : I know it is.
Jeff Greene : Do you?
Nurse : Do *you*?
Jeff Greene : I do.
Nurse : Good for you.
Jeff Greene : It is good for me.
Nurse : Oh, you think so?
Jeff Greene : I know so.
Nurse : I'm glad.
Jeff Greene : So am I.
Nurse : That makes two of us.
Jeff Greene : So you say.
Nurse : So I did.
-
Larry David : [watching Girls Gone Wild] You know what a woman would do if I ever asked her to lift up her top?
Jeff Greene : Why do you have to analyze this? Can't we just watch this?
Larry David : She would spit on me! If I ever asked a woman to lift up her top, she would kick me in the balls and spit on me!
Jeff Greene : We've waited a long time to see this and all you're doing is yakking. Be quiet, come on!
-
Jeff Greene : [Jeff is carting around Suzie's dog, a German Shepard] Boy, you seem to really like Oscar.
Larry David : It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something German, it just doesn't happen that often.
-
Jeff Greene : [referring to Larry] He's a victim of circumstance.
-
Larry David : [watching Girls Gone Wild] What do you mean you're not going to pause it?
Jeff Greene : I'm not a pauser, I don't like pausing.
Larry David : Well, that's rude, I'll miss it.
Jeff Greene : I'll rewind it when you come back.
Larry David : Yeah, but I can see when you rewind and it'll give it away!
Jeff Greene : There's no story! Give what away? There's bosoms! That's it!
