Rat Race (2001)

Jon Lovitz: Randy Pear

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jason Pear : I can't believe it, Dad. You stole Adolf Hitler's Mercedes-Benz.

  Randy Pear : Well, Hitler had it comin'. What goes around comes around.

  Kimberly Pear : Dad, they're gonna be pissed.

  Randy Pear : Eh, they're always pissed, Honey. They're Nazis. It's like it's their job.

• Enrico Pollini : Am I too late ? Look I won a coin, a gold coin! Oh, isn't this wonderful? Look at this room, what a beautiful room, have you seen this room?

  Randy Pear : Yes! We're in it!

• Bev Pear : Your daughter has to go to the bathroom!

  Randy Pear : All right, all right, Jason, look in the back for an empty jar.

  Bev Pear : A jar? Girls don't pee in jars.

  Randy Pear : Oh, right. Sorry. Jason, we're gonna need a jar and a funnel.

• Kimberly Pear : [Kimberly needs to go to the bathroom]  Dad, I'm prairie dogging it!

  Randy Pear : What the hell does that mean?

  Jason Pear : You know, like when a prairie dog sticks his head in and out of the ground.

  Randy Pear : Oh.

  [Five seconds later] 

  Bev Pear : Ugh!

  Randy Pear : Ohh, god, I do not wanna picture that!

• [Bikers are hitting the car that Randy stole from the Barbie museum] 

  Randy Pear : Are you insane? This is Hitler's car.

• Randy Pear : Jason, where did you get that?

  Jason Pear : I found it under the seat.

  Randy Pear : Give it to me. You can't play that.

  Jason Pear : Why not?

  Randy Pear : Because it's Hitler's harmonica. You can't play Hitler's harmonica.

  Jason Pear : You're driving his car!

  Randy Pear : Yes, but I'm not touching it with my mouth. I'm not sucking on the dashboard. I'm not getting his germs!

• [Talking about Sinclair and his idea for them competing in the "race"] 

  Merrill : It's some sort of joke. It has to be.

  Duane Cody : What kind of jackass just gives away $2 million?

  Owen Templeton : Maybe it's a publicity stunt.

  Randy Pear : What kind of publicity? He swore us all to secrecy.

  Vera Baker : Maybe it's a secret publicity stunt.

  Randy Pear : A *secret* publicity stunt?

• [to the woman on the motorcycle driving next to him] 

  Randy Pear : Hi, I really like your dike... Bike.

• Skinhead Tour Guide : [talking about Klaus Barbie]  Barbie joined the SS in 1935, where he soon became one of the Führer's favorite young officers.

  Jason Pear : Uh, can we go?

  Bev Pear : Shh-shh.

  Skinhead Tour Guide : ...given a very big responsibility.

  Skinhead Tour Guide : Here we see him standing beside Hitler's touring car, the very same car which can be seen on display outside in our courtyard.

  [the Pears start to walk towards the exit] 

  Skinhead Tour Guide : You're leaving?

  Randy Pear : What?

  [laughs] 

  Randy Pear : [nervously]  No - Yes, well, we have a 4:30 book burning... and then we have a...

  Bev Pear : Another christening.

  Randy Pear : Yes, a christening... for another one of our many, white, Christian, non-Jewish, uh... friends...

  Bev Pear : Family.

  Randy Pear : Family, relatives...

  Bev Pear : Blood relatives.

  Randy Pear : The Himmler... Himmler-Hesse... von... Sturichenbergs.

• Randy Pear : I do not want to work at Home Depot!

• Randy Pear : I do not want to work at Home Depot!