Sam and Max Hit the Road (1993 Video Game)
Nick Jameson: Max, World of Fish Fisherman, Additional Voices
Quotes
-
[after confronting, subduing, and pummeling the mad scientist]
Max : He's not a real guy, Sam! Can I keep his head for a souvenir? Why do you suppose its ticking?
Sam : That's no head, Max! It's one damned ugly timebomb! Let's leave this criminal cesspool pronto!
Max : Good idea, Sam. Maybe we can ditch the head somewhere while the credits are running. Mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you don't mind me clawing at the dash and shrieking like a cheerleader.
Max : Sam, is "pronto" a real word?
-
Trixie : Stay away from him, you malefactor!
Max : I'm not a malefactor, I'm a lagomorph!
-
[Reading Fun Facts about the Ball of Twine]
Sam : "If laid out from end to end, the twine would stretch from here to the far side of Jupiter. Also, scientists predict that by 2053 the sheer weight of the ball will push Earth out of its orbit, on a collision course with the sun."
Max : Good thing my life expectancy's only six years.
Sam : Way to take the short view, little buddy.
-
[Sam's DeSoto crashes through the wall of the scientist laboratory, Sam and Max step out]
Sam : Hello.
Max : This don't look like the Lincoln Tunnel, Sam.
Sam : Looks to me like we've got a marginally volatile hostage situation here, Max.
Max : Oohh! Does this mean we get to kick some puffy, white mad scientist butt?
Sam : Can't think of a reason not to.
-
Max : Gosh, Sam, if 100 years of western civilization have to be destroyed just to provide a bunch of smelly quasi-human creatures with a safe haven for their disgusting lifestyles, then so be it!
-
Max : I'll miss the way he smelt like a bag of damp hamster shavings. Just like Grandpa.
-
Max : Sam, either termites are burrowing through my skull, or one of us is ticking.
Sam : Oops, oh yeah.
[pulls out the scientist's head, which is a bomb]
Sam : Max, where should I put this so it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max : Out the window, Sam. There's nothing but strangers out there.
-
Max : In fact, if I didn't find his pitiful sobbing so amusing, I'd come out there and rip your limbs off
-
Sam : [Speaking to a hotel concierge] You know, you look just like Evelyn Morrison; famed B-movie star
Evelyn Morrison : I AM Evelyn Morrison, you cur!
Sam : Actually I'm more of an Irish Wolfhound than a cur... I've seen all your movies!
Max : My favorite was "Robot Terror From Beyond the Galaxy"
Sam : Is that the one where the alien says "Klaatu barada nikto"?
Max : No, that's "Vampires In Prison"
-
Max : Please, Sam. Don't use the word acumen again.
-
Max : I'd be peeing my pants if I wore any!
-
Max : This is one of the ten most liberating experiences of my life, Sam.
-
Fisherman : Holy mackerel.
Max : I'm a trout, stupid!
Fisherman : Holy trout! I thought you were made of plaster!
-
Max : Jeez, that certainly took long enough!
Sam : Shut up, Max. I hate that game.
Max : Is that because you're a lousy golfer?
Sam : You're an irritable little bunny today, aren't you?
Max : Yeah, well why don't you try sitting in this smelly booth while I beat the hell out of helpless fish? Did I mention what a lousy golfer you were?
Sam : Maybe I should just leave you in there.
-
Max : Hey, maybe Shuvoohl's at the Mystery Vortex. Let's go there before I'm distracted by something.
-
Max : I hate it when you hum, Sam. It sounds like a high voltage tower.
-
Shuv-Oohl : Bruno and I go way back. I've always felt a special kinship with bigfoots.
Max : I feel the same way about pointy sticks.
-
Sam : I have this sudden craving for an umbrella drink.
Evelyn Morrison : Evelyn Morrison's Jungle Inn has the greatest umbrella drinks in the world, with over two hundred and thirty-seven kinds of rum.
Max : All in just ONE drink? Which way to the bar!
Sam : Take it easy, Max; you don't even drink.
Max : Oh, yeah. The toucan must've put words into my mouth.
-
Max : What are you anyway, the president of the Hair Club for Short People?
Bumpus' Henchman : This is Mr. Conroy Bumpus, famed Country/Western star. I'd suggest you show him some respect.
Max : Yeah, well he looks like a lounge lizard to me, and I'll bet his scalp itches from that bad rug.
Conroy Bumpus : Maybe you should watch yourself, little furball.
Max : Yeah, well I've got more hair on my fuzzy little butt than you do on that hollow country head of yours!
-
Max : Max: Now let us in before we replace you with a cheap renewable fuel source.