Wed, Dec 27, 2000
Alone in the chapel of hope on Christmas Eve Reverend Bernice hates Christmas,since her mother was carried off by Papa Lazarou disguised as Santa Claus when she was a child. She has three visitors. The first is Charlie Hull,convinced from his recurring nightmare that his wife Stella is using a voodoo coven called the Solutions to stop him winning the line-dance contest. Then an old man who visited Herr Lipp and his wife in 1975 recounts the saga of Lipp's fascination with cute young choirboy Matthew and his belief that Lipp was a vampire. Finally Chinnery comes to unburden himself as to why he is such a bad vet. In Victorian times his great-great-grandfather,the finest vet in England,came to Royston Vasey but was tricked into touching the wrong monkey's testicle,as a result of which all succeeding vets in the family have been cursed. Bernice feels happier after consoling Chinnery but she is unaware that history is about to repeat itself.
Fri, Jan 14, 2000
Now unemployed Pauline has to face the scorn of her successor Cathy Carter- Smith. Meanwhile Papa Lazarou brings his Pandemonium Circus to Royston Vasey. He has a disconcerting habit of hypnotising women and carrying them off, telling them "You're my wife now." A more willing volunteer to join Papa's freak show is Barbara, who ends up fighting with the bearded lady. Unfortunately during Papa's act the entire audience suffers from a nose bleed so he decides to leave town. Hilary Briss has refused to give a special order to Mr. Collier, who threatens to call the police but Inspector Cox - who also has a nose bleed - seems to have got there before him and sees him off. Harvey gets a new toad, which appears to be able to grant him wishes but whilst trying it out he is interrupted by a dishevelled Benjamin, who has escaped from Edward and Tubbs.
Mon, Feb 15, 1999
Edward and Tubbs' son David, who has been away at college, comes into the shop and stuns them by revealing that his construction company is behind the new road-building. He is anxious to take his mother to London but when she goes to meet him she finds he looks like Edward and has' decided' to stay in the village. Chinnery goes to Tinsel's farm to help a cow to calf and puts his hand up the animal's backside. Unfortunately,with his customary incompetence, he kills it so that when Barbara arrives at hospital for her operation and finds that Chinnery is the surgeon she is not too pleased. After Pauline has taught her Shop a Scrounger class Ross reveals that he is an undercover investigator from head office and she will be sacked for her incompetence and favoritism. Having paid Harvey for the loss of his toads, plus the other items for which Val has billed him, Benjamin leaves their house and prepares to return home. He calls into the shop for food for the journey and notices that Tubbs is wearing his friend Martin's boots. Will she and Edward do away with him too?
Fri, Feb 18, 2000
As Royston Vasey is put under martial law and Legz Akimbo are hired to put on a play as a diversion the police arrest Eunice as the cause of the outbreak though Hilary escapes. Chinnery has yet another death on his hands,this time a falcon, and Iris reveals to Judee Levinson that she is her mother. Benjamin finally escapes from his weird relatives with unexpected help from the twins and finds himself caught up in the chaos. He begins to have flashbacks about his captivity with Edward and Tubbs and points to the shop. The villagers,believing that he is indicating it as the source of the outbreak,march on the shop - where David is marrying Barbara - and burn it down. Meanwhile Hilary Briss is selling his specials on a tropical island.
Mon, Feb 1, 1999
Watched by Edward through binoculars Chinnery examines the remains of the 'Beast of Royston Vasey' and faints at what he finds. However the beast turns out to comprise bits of animals stolen from the Roundabout Zoo, so Edward's plan fails. To the horror of right wing vicar Bernice Woodall, Legz Akimbo, a theatre group whose motto is Put Yourself Inside a Child, arrive to perform a play about gays at the local primary school though the children are unimpressed and certain company members fall out. Having left sweets for the scarecrow in Farmer Tinsel's field - in which the farmer has imprisoned his wife's lover - the twins return home for Benjamin to baby-sit them. Their naughtiness leads Benjamin to accidentally kill the prize toads Harvey was hoping to enter for the Annual Croaker Parade. Stella and Charlie Hull have a meal at Luigi's restaurant, bickering about the man Stella brought back to their hotel on their holiday.
Mon, Jan 25, 1999
Pauline is angry when she discovers that her clients have been stealing her precious pens,with most of the anger,as usual,being directed towards Ross. Benjamin has an unpleasant breakfast-time experience when Harvey lectures him on the merits of drinking one's own water. Chinnery tries to treat a tortoise which refuses to eat but his use of compressed air as a cure has the inevitable disastrous result whilst magistrate Maurice is not impressed by Hilary Briss's latest tempting offer. A workman for the new road goes into the local shop and shows Tubbs an atlas. For the first time she appreciates that there are 'lines' leading to places other than Royston Vasey and screams in terror,bursting the man's eardrums. As excavation for the road begins,Edward plants something to halt it, a strange creature which will be unearthed as 'the Beast of Royston Vasey'.
Fri, Feb 11, 2000
Les McQueen, former pop star with the band Creme Brulee, sees a sign announcing the band's reunion and parts with his savings to lead singer Tony Cluedo in order to finance a come-back but Tony rips him off. Brian, Mike and Geoff finally arrive at their conference very much the worse for wear whilst Pauline is arrested for holding Ross hostage. Herr Lipp's efforts to seduce Justin are thwarted when Mrs Lipp arrives to take him home so he drugs the boy, leaving him under the patio with a tube to breathe through. Edward and Tubbs go to the super-market and finally obtain a bride for their son - Barbara. Hilary Briss believes he knows what is causing the nose-bleed outbreak and suspects that the sandwiches Eunice is selling using the special stuff may be involved.