Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998–2007)
Wayne Brady: Self
Photos
Quotes
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Drew Carey : Bad places to find advertising.
[Ryan pantomimes looking over Colin while he's peeing]
Drew Carey : Must not have had a lot to say...
[audience boos]
Drew Carey : I regret saying that, because the next card says "Little known, but amazing facts about Drew Carey".
Colin Mochrie : I have no sense of length.
Wayne Brady : When I'm with a woman, I go "Wooooooooo!"
Ryan Stiles : Did you know at first Drew Carey turned *down* the role of Geppetto?
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[quick change]
Ryan Stiles : You see this badge? That means I'm the sheriff.
Wayne Brady : Change.
Ryan Stiles : You see this thong?...
[bursts out laughing]
Wayne Brady : Change.
Ryan Stiles : You see these sandals? That means someone stole my boots.
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Drew Carey : If celebrities had been the first people to walk on the moon.
Brad Sherwood : One small step for man, one giant leap for me, Brad Sherwood. How are ya?
Drew Carey : [as Brad sets off-stage] Sorry, I said... I said, "celebrities."
Brad Sherwood : Oh, I'm sorry.
[the audience groans, then he starts whining]
Brad Sherwood : That was mean!
Wayne Brady : [as Michael Jackson, moonwalking] Hooo!
Colin Mochrie : Where's my car?
Ryan Stiles : [as Carol Channing] Well this is dry and barren as I am.
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[Scenes from a hat]
Drew Carey : Okay. Let's start out with...
[pulls out paper]
Drew Carey : No... no.
[puts paper back and picks a new one]
Drew Carey : "Bad choices for pets."
Brad Sherwood : Here velocipraptor! Here velo-
[Colin comes and pretends to bite his neck]
Ryan Stiles : [whistles] Where's my little tapeworm? Huh?
Drew Carey : Okay.
[clears throat]
Drew Carey : "Strange things to find in your bed."
Wayne Brady : Colin?
[Colin pops his head up]
Wayne Brady : Ahhhhhhh!
Colin Mochrie : Teach me how to sing like you!
Ryan Stiles : [Ryan pops his head up] What's his problem?
Colin Mochrie : I don't know!
Drew Carey : Oh, okay. Uh, "dangerous things to do while you are naked."
Brad Sherwood : Honey, bring out the steaks. I'm gonna light the barbeque.
Colin Mochrie : [sighs] Okay.
[Colin starts to pretend to throw chain saws into the air and juggle them]
Ryan Stiles : 5 minutes, Mr. President.
Drew Carey : [laughs] Okay.
[reads card]
Drew Carey : Oh, boy. "Baby names that will someday get your child's ass kicked."
Ryan Stiles : Oh, is Kick-My-Ass Hungry?
Colin Mochrie : Come here... Colin.
[Wayne and Brad pretend to go beat him up]
Drew Carey : Okay. "Little known facts about our host, Drew Carey."
Ryan Stiles : What kind of middle name is "Alison?"
Drew Carey : "Things you wished you hadn't said to the president."
Colin Mochrie : Sure, I'll be your intern.
Brad Sherwood : [acts like he's holding out a tray] Cigarette? Cigar? Anyone?
Ryan Stiles : [as if getting married] I do.
Drew Carey : Hey! Don't go away! There'll be lots of more Whose Line right after this!
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Drew Carey : [scenes from a hat] Things you do not want to hear your grandmother singing about.
Wayne Brady : [singing] Grandma likes to get freaky in the mornin', freaky at night! Freaky on the left...
[buzz]
Greg Proops : [singing] Grandpa doesn't touch me anymore!
[buzz]
Ryan Stiles : [singing] Oh, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner.
[buzzer; extreme laughter from Wayne]
Ryan Stiles : [goes back up] I like to be on top!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a hat] Baby Drew's first words.
Colin Mochrie : Colin's Bald!
Wayne Brady : Hey Nurse, come on!
Ryan Stiles : Pizza!
Brad Sherwood : Show me them boobs! Come on!
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Drew Carey : Naked photos you wouldn't want to see on the internet
Wayne Brady : Hi, I'm Bea Arthur!
Ryan Stiles : C-A-R-E-Y. Hmmm.
Ryan Stiles : [Pretends to click away from the website. He then throws the computer out the window]
Drew Carey : Careful what you wish for Buddy...
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[after a dance with Richard Simmons]
Wayne Brady : I feel ten pounds lighter and just a little dirty.
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Drew Carey : Occupations where breaking into song is discouraged.
Ryan Stiles : [pantomimes putting Colin into the electric chair] We're... gonna... Fry you this morning, fry you this morning!
Wayne Brady : [goes up with Jeff] I'm sorry, but your husband... Isn't gonna make it isn't gonna make it, no, ain't gonna make it, isn't gonna make it...
Jeff Bryan Davis : [continuing] Isn't gonna make it!
Colin Mochrie : [mimes trapping himself in a box] I'm a MIME!
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[after Colin's quirk of trying to figure out who's really a man and who's really a woman]
Drew Carey : [pulls out a can of Oust for Colin] I have some disinfectant for your... .
Wayne Brady : [acting as a little boy, to Kathy] Mommy, will you show me tapes of when you used to do Whose Line?
Kathryn Greenwood : [giggles and makes gestures of using a VCR remote] Well, darling... .
Drew Carey : That was amazing, Colin Mochrie.
[audience cheers and applause]
Ryan Stiles : [calling off-stage] Keith, I'm going to need two minutes.
[everyone laughs]
Ryan Stiles : And I *mean* "two minutes"!
Drew Carey : That was unbelievable!
Wayne Brady : Let's hear it for Colin Mochrie!
[starts a huge round of applause, then turns to Drew]
Wayne Brady : He's *so* gentle too!
Colin Mochrie : [embarrassed] Yeah.
Drew Carey : So 1000 points to everybody *but* Colin, because I was sitting the entire time... waiting for you to come over...
Ryan Stiles , Colin Mochrie : Ohhh.
Colin Mochrie : [points at Drew and smiles] There's no doubt about you, my friend.
Drew Carey : [chuckles] Yep, I'm all man.
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Wayne Brady : [Song Styles - singing a song in the style of a boy band to special guest Miss America] Hey, Miss America, what's up? I'm T.K.
[moves over]
Wayne Brady : I'm B.J.
[moves over again]
Wayne Brady : I'm J.J.
[moves over again]
Wayne Brady : And I'm O.K.
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Brad Sherwood : There's nothing better than a 200-pound snatch, if you know what I mean.
[everyone dissolves into laughter]
Ryan Stiles : That's never gonna make it to air, if you know what I mean.
Drew Carey : You are a bad...
Brad Sherwood : That is a weightlifting term!
Ryan Stiles : Of course it is!
Wayne Brady : This show brought to you by the Church of Latter-day Saints.
Drew Carey : [to the TV audience] Hey, kids, how come you're not in bed right now?
Brad Sherwood : [quoting a parent] This is the last time you get to watch that show.
Ryan Stiles : [to Wayne] If you know what I mean.
Drew Carey : Well, two hundred pounds for each of you, and...
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[Party quirks]
Greg Proops : No. No! I'm just saying no to rugs.
[doorbell]
Greg Proops : Come on in, Wayne! How's it going, man? W-welcome to the party.
Wayne Brady : [as "Chicken With Attitude"] Hmph.
[walks in like a chicken and puffs up like saying "What you want"]
Greg Proops : Are you all right? You want some...
Wayne Brady : ["No. Leave me alone!" kind of movement]
Greg Proops : Y-you want some corn or chips or something?
[doorbell]
Greg Proops : I'm gonna...
Wayne Brady : ["Answer the dang door!"]
Greg Proops : Woah, woah! I gotta get the door. Hello, Col. How are ya?
Colin Mochrie : [as "A Person Who's Auditioning for Every Part in a Slasher Film"] Here's my 8" by 10".
Greg Proops : Uh... all right? Great.
Colin Mochrie : All right? Here we go.
[clears throat]
Colin Mochrie : Okay.
[screams loudly]
Colin Mochrie : No, wait! I can do it better.
[screams louder on higher pitch]
Colin Mochrie : No. I think maybe this part.
[Covers hand over one eye and mimes stabbing someone while moaning]
Greg Proops : [doorbell] Oh.
[ducks under his arm]
Greg Proops : You have GOT to stop taking sudifed! Oh, hi Ryan! How are you?
Ryan Stiles : [as "Excited by Ugliness and Looking for the Perfect Specimen"] Great, how are you?
Greg Proops : Fine.
Ryan Stiles : Hey, thanks for inviting me. Can I meet your other guests?
Greg Proops : Sure, no problem.
[moves over to Wayne]
Greg Proops : This is a chicken. A funky chicken? No, he's not a chicken. A music chicken? He's a funky chicken? He's a chicken who thinks he's a rooster?
Drew Carey : He's a chicken with an ATTITUDE.
Greg Proops : Chicken with an attitude?
[laughs]
Greg Proops : Ryan, have you met Colin. He's audtioning for a horror movie.
Drew Carey : Every part in a horror movie.
Greg Proops : [talking while Ryan, who's excited by ugliness in this role, is gazing at Drew Carey with facsination] Listen... can I get you something? A glass of water or punch or something? Would you like a glass of punch or something?
Ryan Stiles : Sure, Ryan.
[pretends to spill invisible glass]
Ryan Stiles : Oops. I dropped it all over myself.
[bends down to show Drew his butt]
Ryan Stiles : I believe I haven't met your other friend.
Greg Proops : Oh, well this is Drew. He sits behind a desk and makes a lot more than us!
[laughter from the audience]
Greg Proops : Hey, Drew. Have you met Ryan? He's trying to... seduce everyone he meets!
Drew Carey : No.
Greg Proops : He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? No? He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? He's a guy who's imagined that...
Drew Carey : [interrupting] Well, here he says that he's excited by UGLINESS!
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Drew Carey : If songs were written about life's most embarrassing moments.
Ryan Stiles : Where did all the toilet paper gooo?
Kathryn Greenwood : I love you sooooo much- oops I farted!
Colin Mochrie : Hey! That's me with the booger in my nose! Booger in my nose!
Wayne Brady : We made love at 5:06. I was done by 5:07!
Colin Mochrie : Hey I didn't mean to cook your dog! But hey, those things just happen! My was just standin' there, and his little toes they started tapping! So I cut his throat, let go kick a goat, and then I put him on the barbeque!
[Ryan pulls him offstage, end of game]
Drew Carey : And I put him on the barbecue!
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Ryan Stiles : [after licking Colin's ear, Ryan ate a handful of Altoids] My mouth's on fire. I put about 30 of them in.
Drew Carey : You know, these mints are curiously strong when you pop all of them in your mouth at once.
Ryan Stiles : Wow.
Wayne Brady : He's gonna have great breath for, like, 20 years.
Brad Sherwood : Finally.
Drew Carey : [Ryan spat out the Altoids] Now the poor stage guy's gotta pick them all up...
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Wayne Brady : Thank you for saving my husband.
Ryan Stiles : Oh... you two are married?
Colin Mochrie : It's nothing permanent.
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Drew Carey : Things you don't expect to hear when you put your ear to a seashell.
Ryan Stiles : [referring to last scene] I'm Spartacus!
Wayne Brady : Put me down!
Robin Williams : Who's your daddy?
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Wayne Brady : Order Colin Mochrie's guide to dialect in other countries now! You get French-"Helloo!", Spanish-"Helloo!", Indonesian-"HELLOO!"
[Buzz]
Colin Mochrie : The Wayne Brady surfboard with a bump big enough to sit on!
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[Scenes From a Hat - "What George W. Bush is really thinking during Cabinet meetings"]
[Wayne steps out, and stares around, signifying nothing; buzzer]
Greg Proops : What's the "W" stand for, anyway? Whatever...
[Buzzer]
Colin Mochrie : There isn't even a cabinet in here.
Wayne Brady : [Referring to an earlier joke] That's where poo comes from!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a Hat] Heh heh. Th-things bald men are sick of hearing.
Wayne Brady : [Goes up as does Colin. He folds his arms then Wayne hugs him. Colin walks off but Wayne motions him back on stage] We need your head to bounce a laser of off to communicate with the satellite!
Ryan Stiles : [Colin walks back but Ryan pushes him back on stage. He bends Colin's head down] You're my only friend on this island.
Wayne Brady : [He motions Colin back on stage] No, I just had one! I don't wanna say anymore.
Colin Mochrie : No, go on, it's comedy!
Wayne Brady : Okay! Will Johnny take me to the prom?
[Shakes Colin's head like a magic 8 ball]
Drew Carey : I'll stop it now for you.
Colin Mochrie : Oh, thanks! Just in time.
Drew Carey : I was just - suggestion there you know...
Colin Mochrie : Yeah, stop at 10 I say!
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Drew Carey : "Strange things for a doctor to say after 'Turn your head and cough'".
Ryan Stiles : Would you like to go out to dinner sometime?
Brad Sherwood : Do you smell bacon?
Colin Mochrie : Alright, now bend over and sneeze
Ryan Stiles : Now, here's how you throw a curve.
Brad Sherwood : Maybe I should turn up the heat in here...
Wayne Brady : [Makes a clacking noise]
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Drew Carey : Gifts the three wise men considered
Wayne Brady : Mary, I give to you, a Playstation 2 for the child.
Kathryn Greenwood : It's a Chia Pet!
Ryan Stiles : [to Colin] You can't give them a pork roast!
Colin Mochrie : Water Skis.
[Shrugs]
Wayne Brady : With these modivational tapes by Jack Robbins, your child will soar...
Ryan Stiles : They call it... a thong.
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Drew Carey : [Scenes From A Hat] Inappropriate anecdotes on a celebrity talk show.
Wayne Brady : [laughter] ... no, so I left the body in the trunk, and everyone is like, "Ooh, what's that smell"?
[buzz]
Colin Mochrie : ...so, things are tough, I'm a big ho. And...
[buzz]
Colin Mochrie : I'm s...
Robin Williams : ...so I said: "Get off me grandma, I'm done"!
[buzz]
Wayne Brady : ...so, I'm looking through the window, and there's Robin and his grandmother, and I'm like...
[buzz]
Ryan Stiles : So... anyway, long story short,
[pointing at his wedding ring]
Ryan Stiles : this is the stone I passed!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes From a Hat] The good news and the bad news.
Greg Proops : Merry Christmas, Tommy! Look, it's "Geppetto" on DVD.
Wayne Brady : Ooh!
[Drew presses the buzzer, tight-lipped, while the audience laughs and cheers]
Wayne Brady : I liked it!
Greg Proops : I liked it, too.
Wayne Brady : I was in it. I liked it.
Greg Proops : [weakly] The bad news was it was Christmas.
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Drew Carey : If entertainers worked funerals.
Wayne Brady : Please gather around the body. Whooof!
[pantomimes removing the blanket]
Wayne Brady : He's not there anymore! Huh? Thank you!
[takes a bow]
Robin Williams : Is this the loved one? Alright start the truck Johnny! WOW, LOOK AT HIM MOVE! Isn't that incredible, ladies and gentlemen? With just 6 volts, you can make your relatives dance again!
Ryan Stiles : [Pantomimes opening the dead person's mouth and sticks his head in like a lion tamer in a circus act]
Colin Mochrie : [Pantomimes twirling the body like a balloon person] A dog!
Ryan Stiles : [Picks up body and holds it like a dummy] Well, Harry and I would like to thank you all for coming by, wouldn't we Harry?...
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[Quick Change]
Ryan Stiles : [discussing a map] Well, it - it's - it's full of flaws. Look, this - this army's attacking Hawaii!
Wayne Brady : Change.
Ryan Stiles : Why - why the Salvation Army's attacking the restaurant here!
Wayne Brady : Change.
Ryan Stiles : Why uh... this is me, going after Richard Simmons!
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Drew Carey : Welcome to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk.
Wayne Brady : No!
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Wayne Brady : [as the Mission:Impossible informant] As usual, if you or any of your team are caught or killed we will disavow any knowledge and laugh atcha'ass.
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Drew Carey : Colin, Colin, another hundred dollars for you, buddy.
[Drew and Colin kiss]
Ryan Stiles : That's just dirty money now.
Drew Carey : How bad you want it, Mochrie? Come on, get your dirty money.
Wayne Brady : He kissed really nice... For a dude.
Ryan Stiles : I don't think the tongue was necessary, but I think...
Wayne Brady : [singing] I'm in love with a Canadian man...
Drew Carey : Just when you thought "Will & Grace" was the gayest show on TV, along comes "Whose Line Is It Anyway".
Ryan Stiles : Hey, uh...
[Wayne, Colin, and Ryan indicate wedding rings, Drew and Jeff are unmarried]
Jeff Bryan Davis : [kisses Colin and grins innocently]
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Drew Carey : [scenes from a hat] Difficult questions for mommy to answer.
Wayne Brady : Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"?
Colin Mochrie : Mommy, how come no one looks like *me* on "Friends"?
Drew Carey : If you weren't listening, I said difficult questions!
Colin Mochrie : I'm adorable.
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Drew Carey : If famous movie lines were done by cartoon characters.
Greg Proops : [as Scooby Doo] Uh, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
Colin Mochrie : [as Elmer Fudd] Feeling wucky punk!
Ryan Stiles : [as Popeye] I'll be back-agagagagagagag!
Colin Mochrie : [as Snagglepuss] Rosebud, even!
Wayne Brady : [as Yogi Bear] Hey, Punk! Are you feeing lucky? Do you wanna see what's in my pic-a-nic basket?
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Colin Mochrie : [as a pregnant mother in Quick Change] Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Wayne Brady : Change.
Colin Mochrie : Oklahoma!
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Wayne Brady : [Scenes from a hat- What George Bush really thinks about during cabinet meetings] So *that's* where poo comes from!
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[Scenes from a Hat: What "Whose Line" Cast Members Wish for, when blowing out their "B"-Day Candles]
Wayne Brady : [Blows] No more Hoedowns.
Colin Mochrie : [Blows] Let me play a Man in a scene.
Ryan Stiles : [Blows] Please, don't have Drew make me go under that desk again.
Drew Carey : Young man, I'll see you at my desk.
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[Hoedown - Scary Wives]
Wayne Brady : Oh I got married about a year ago. I'm as happy as can be, I think you all should know. But my wife, I'm glad I did marry. Except in the morning, she looks like Drew Carey.
Drew Carey : Well, Wayne gets worried about his little wife, cause she is the love of his life. But every night, just about three, Oh, Wayne, She's out with me.
[Wayne's mouth drops, and then they dance]
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[after singing a song as a strip-o-gram]
Wayne Brady : I feel so dirty!
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Wayne Brady : Drew doesn't do a damn thing!
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Drew Carey : [playing Scenes from a Hat] "People you wish would just shut up..."
Wayne Brady : [steps out] People you wish would just shut up...
Greg Proops : I'm Alex Trebek, and this is Jeopardy.
[Buzz]
Greg Proops : Oh, I'm sorry, that buzz was too late.
Greg Proops : I had an idea for a show! Four women with different viewpoints. Maybe too different!
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Colin Mochrie : [Scenes from a hat- What really made the kids in Blair Witch run off screaming] There's going to be a crappy sequel!
Wayne Brady : His shoes, they're so blue!
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Drew Carey : Confusing battle cries.
Wayne Brady : Hurt you!
Ryan Stiles : Don't shoot until you see the whites!
Colin Mochrie : Give me liberty, or a bran muffin!
Colin Mochrie : Get my brown pants!
Wayne Brady : Every last one of us will defend the alamo, right?
[looks behind him, sees nothing]
Wayne Brady : What the hell?
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Drew Carey : "First Drafts of famous movie lines"
Ryan Stiles : Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a lamb...
Wayne Brady : Miss Scarlett, I don't give a burden about no Teletubbies!
Chip Esten : I'll be back in a couple of minutes, I have some things I have to do, I'll be right back...
Colin Mochrie : Fredzilla! Fredzilla!
Chip Esten : Luke, I'm your second uncle twice removed
Drew Carey : Alrighty "World's Worst person to be stuck with at a party"
Colin Mochrie : Fredzilla! Fredzilla!
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Drew Carey : Announcements made over Hell's PA system.
Ryan Stiles : Attention. Will the owner of a Pinto, lisencse plate number...
Wayne Brady : Tickets for Yanni, on sale in the lobby. Tickets for Yanni.
Colin Mochrie : Clean up on aisle five.
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Drew Carey : Take it away, Laura, whenever you're ready. The ugly hoedown.
[the music begins playing]
Wayne Brady : [singing] Let me tell you something that happened just the other day/My date was so ugly I almost ran away/She was just horrific, where can I begin?/When that heffer was born her mama should have pushed her back in.
[spoken]
Wayne Brady : Ugly!
Drew Carey : [singing] I met a girl at a nightclub/It was pretty dark/Thought I'd take her home just for a lark/But when I saw her in the light I ran a mile/Cause she looked just like Ryan Stiles.
[Wayne and Drew do a swing your partner dance and giggle while Ryan clearly prepares his response]
Colin Mochrie : [singing] I'm an ugly woman/Yes, it is not fair/I have an ugly face and I have no hair/What can I do? That's the way the fates went/The only person who'll sleep with me is the president.
Ryan Stiles : [singing] I am so ugly that I'll never have a lover/When I leave the house all the dogs run for cover/I'm big and white and round and my back is so hairy/Yes you guessed it, my name is Drew Carey
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[the Village People Hoedown]
Wayne Brady : I love the Village People, now please don't get me wrong / I love YMCA, hey girl, that's my song / But you see in Fran Sancisco is where they belong / And all them Village People inspired me to wear my thong.
-
Drew Carey : [scenes from a hat] Bad names for perfume.
Wayne Brady : I call it... "Like Ass!"
Ryan Stiles : You know you're good when you're wearing "Eau Du Pork!"
Colin Mochrie : [referring to an earlier game of Song Titles when he said to Ryan "Nice Pants"] "Nice Pants", the smell of corduroy.
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[singing as a strip-o-gram to a retired lunch lady]
Wayne Brady : And Friday/is the best day of all/because you get to have, a little spaghetti/and two big meatba-
[cracks up]
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[Scenes from a Hat game]
Drew Carey : Things in Drew Carey's planner.
Wayne Brady : 7:00: count my money. 8:00: count my money.
Ryan Stiles : 9:00- Blow up
[crosses out]
Ryan Stiles : Pick up date!
-
Wayne Brady : Well, she's a dog and she's so fine / She's the canine that's on my mind / She's Lassie.
-
Ryan Stiles : [scene to rap, Top Gun] I'm a bird flyin' through the air/come near me if you dare/my feathers are white and my beak is flat/I hit your windshield and go SPLAT!
Colin Mochrie : [flapping his arms like a bird] I don't have a ryhme, boo-hoo.
Wayne Brady : I thought he was a bird/but that ain't that/'cause everybody know's Canadians can't rap.
-
Drew Carey : What penguins are really thinking?
Wayne Brady : Does this tux make me look fat?
Ryan Stiles : Geez... it's cold!
Colin Mochrie : One day I'll get that Batman!
-
Drew Carey : The next game is called African Chant. Wayne will do the chant.
Wayne Brady : Hey, how come I gotta do the African Chant?
Drew Carey : [going into the audience] Because Colin would screw it up.
-
[Songs you wouldn't want to hear in prison]
Wayne Brady : [singing] So who's the slightly effeminate one, that's me...
Brad Sherwood : [singing] Who dropped the soap... who dropped the soap...
Ryan Stiles : [singing] Jim's escaping through the hole in the wall, the hole in the wall, the hole in the wall...
Colin Mochrie : [singing] With the wig... you remind me... of Julia...
-
Wayne Brady : I've got a fig ol' futt.
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Wayne Brady : [Wearing a fireman's helmet] Damn! Baby got backdraft!
-
Drew Carey : [after a "song styles" unexpectedly malfunctions by speeding up] Thanks a lot, Howard. Or as Wayne Brady spells it, Horward... H-O-R-W-A-R-D!
Wayne Brady : ...it's hard to spell when you're going 210 beats per minute, Drew.
-
Drew Carey : [Scenes from a Hat] Things that will get 'bleeped' by the censors.
Wayne Brady : En espanol, I am "El Grande Ricardo", but you can call me "Big Dick".
[buzz]
Greg Proops : I'm George Bush and I'm a fucking indigimimite.
[buzz]
Colin Mochrie : [reffering to a cat] Here, pussy!
[buzz]
Drew Carey : [laughing] Bloopers from the first 100 episodes.
Colin Mochrie : Here, pussy!
[Greg and Wayne go up and start kissing]
Greg Proops : He's... uh...
Wayne Brady : [Starts humming the Irish Drinking Song]
Wayne Brady : [Puts on Drew's glasses] Hi, welcome to Whose Line it an- Oh, gosh I'm so stupid!
Colin Mochrie : [Referring to an earlier scene] H-O-R-W-A-R-D!
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Drew Carey : Bad segues following tragic news stories.
Chip Esten : ...and everyone died. Speaking of dying, I've been *dying* to see that new Bruce Willis flick!
Wayne Brady : It was a big, big loss. Speaking of big, right after this, "The Drew Carey Show!"
[everyone scowls]
Drew Carey : You are all gonna pay.
-
Drew Carey : [Scenes from a hat] What Drew Carey thinks about before he drifts to sleep.
Wayne Brady : Ah! Money.
Ryan Stiles : He's so tall!
Colin Mochrie : Maybe tomorrow I'll lick his head!
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Ryan Stiles : [Scenes from a hat- U.S cities that will never have a song written about them] We wouve you Walla Walla, Washington! We wouve you Walla Walla, Washington
Colin Mochrie : Proud citizens of Dog-Lick...
Wayne Brady : Our arms are wide open at Muscelahoochehella Alabama, Muscelahoochehella Alabama...
Ryan Stiles : We call it Butte- Not Butt- Montana!
Jeff Bryan Davis : Who wants an Oxnard, I do, I do!
Ryan Stiles : [In a stoner voice] What's the matter with Weed?
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Wayne Brady : [as a novelty singing bass fish] Yes, I really love you / We could have a ball / We could make love and / You can mount me on your wall.
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Drew Carey : Now, we need two unlikely roommates.
Person from audience : Bill Cosby and Hitler!
Drew Carey : Bill Cosby and Hitler! Bill Cosby and Hitler certainly unlikely roomates
Censor : Hold Please.
Drew Carey : You've got to be kidding me.
Ryan Stiles : Not that Hitler
Brad Sherwood : We meant RUDOLPH Hitler!
Wayne Brady : [as Bill Cosby] Would you like some Jello... Hitler?
Drew Carey : Somebody over there! Gimme a profession
Person from audience : Insurance Salesman
Drew Carey : Insurance Salesman. Brad and Wayne, you're going to be singing Bill Cosby and the Insurance Salesman. Pretty fucking funny isn't it?
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a hat] Versions of hell, other than eternal flame.
Ryan Stiles : Okay, that's a thousand points for Colin, it's time for Hoedown.
Colin Mochrie : Let's hear that Yentl soundtrack one more time!
[when no one laughs, he does his "Lightning Rod of Hate" signal]
Wayne Brady : Mississippi, I'm still in Mississippi!
Greg Proops : Mississippi, *I'm* still in Mississippi!
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Colin Mochrie : [Song Titles- In a Psychiatrist's office] What's New Pussycat?
Ryan Stiles : I've got a feeling
Colin Mochrie : Feelings?
Ryan Stiles : One.
Colin Mochrie : What's the buzz, tell me what's a happening!
Ryan Stiles : Nowhere, man.
Colin Mochrie : [stumped] Really, that sucks!
[Buzz]
Wayne Brady : [singing] Really that sucks, really that sucks...
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Ryan Stiles : [Millionaire show] Phyllis, did you hear the question hunny?
Wayne Brady : Oh yeah, I love money! Everybody loves money. One time I had relations with 45 men at one time.
Ryan Stiles : Those were Germans, hunny. We're in different times now.
-
Ryan Stiles : I just need the answer, is it A, C, C, or D?
Wayne Brady : Meh, might help if I knew the question you snooty, you doody.
Ryan Stiles : What's the capital of Paraguay, Warden, you're from there for god's sake!
Wayne Brady : It's P! P! The big P!
Ryan Stiles : Thanks.
Wayne Brady : Meh.
Colin Mochrie : That's one smart sheep.
-
[Greatest Hits: "I'm the Groom" by the Beach Boys]
Wayne Brady : [singing] I'm gonna get married. I'm gonna find myself a guy...
[he breaks down laughing; the band also breaks down]
Brad Sherwood : [strange voice, drinking motion] The band's had a little too much to drink!
-
Wayne Brady : We're going to make up a song. Sort of, life advice thing. Audience?
Audience Member : Don't do it on the first date.
