Columbo (TV Series)
Undercover (1994)
Peter Falk: Columbo
Photos
Quotes
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Geraldine Ferguson : What's your real name?
Columbo : Lieutenant Columbo.
Geraldine Ferguson : Your first name.
Columbo : Lieutenant.
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Mo Weinberg : [Columbo knocks on his apartment door] Just a minute! I'm in the bathroom!
[Columbo takes out a notebook and pencil and writes]
Mo Weinberg : [hides behind the door with a gun] Come in. It's open.
[the piece of paper Columbo wrote on slips through the door. The piece of paper reads, "You're a horse's ass"]
Columbo : [kicks the door open and bursts in] Drop the gun! Move over there!
[closes the door]
Columbo : What were you gonna do? Hit me in the head and steal my piece of the photo?
Mo Weinberg : No. I wasn't gonna hit you on the head.
Columbo : No? Not in the head? Where? In the knee?
Mo Weinberg : I wasn't gonna hit you anywhere.
Columbo : What we're you gonna do, shoot me?
Mo Weinberg : You kidding? No.
Columbo : Not shoot me. That's how you greet people? Hide behind the door with a gun?
Mo Weinberg : I thought you were someone else.
Columbo : Mo, you had an accident to your head when you were a kid, or you were born retarded?
Mo Weinberg : Why are you insulting me?
Columbo : You're insulting me, with your lying!
Mo Weinberg : Hey, loosen up, pal! What's your problem?
Columbo : You want to make two million?
Mo Weinberg : Yeah!
Columbo : So do I! Here, your gun. Do we shake hands all over again?
Mo Weinberg : I'd like to.
[they shake hands]
Columbo : Let's see your piece of the picture.
Mo Weinberg : Let's see yours.
Columbo : Oh, the mutual faith and trust society.
Mo Weinberg : Okay. We'll do it together.
[they both take out their pieces of the picture]
Mo Weinberg : Is that Firth's piece?
Columbo : Yeah. I got it from Firth.
Mo Weinberg : Oh, we're gonna be good partners. Look at this. They fit. And now the names.
Columbo : Eugene Edward Ehrbach.
Mo Weinberg : Geraldine Ferguson.
Columbo : Ehrbach's dead.
Mo Weinberg : What? What the hell? What're you're...
Columbo : He was killed Wednesday. The cops found him...
Mo Weinberg : Dead?
Columbo : Yep.
Mo Weinberg : What is this, a double-cross or what?
Columbo : You're gonna have to learn to calm down.
Mo Weinberg : Calm down! I'm gonna bust you're head, that's what I'm gonna do!
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Detective Sgt. Arthur Brown : And uhh... what do you plan to do, now that you're wearing that expensive suit?
Columbo : Today is Sunday. So I'll go to church.
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Columbo : You had an accident to your head when you were a kid, or you were born retarded?
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Bramley Kahn : You didn't answer my question.
Columbo : You didn't answer any of mine, either.
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Columbo : Close, but no cigar.