Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
Steve Whitmire: Kermit the Frog, Rizzo the Rat, Beaker
Photos
Quotes
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Rizzo : He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie.
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[Billy Bones has apparently died]
Rizzo : He died? And this is supposed to be a kids' movie!
Billy Bones : [Billy Bones suddenly wakes up and, without opening his eyes, grabs Gonzo's nose to pull him closer] Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.
Gonzo : I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
[Nods at Jim]
Gonzo : *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim.
Billy Bones : [Billy Bones grabs Jim's shirt and pulls him closer] Jim?
Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain?
Billy Bones : Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!
Jim Hawkins : Yes, Captain, what is it?
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Captain Abraham Smollett : [shouting flabergasted] Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen! so who hired them?
[Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Captain Abraham Smollett : Your finger hired the crew?
Squire Trelawney : No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew: Mr. Bimbo.
[Holds finger to ear]
Squire Trelawney : What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of an excellent cook, Long John Silver.
Captain Abraham Smollett : A cook? And a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
Squire Trelawney : Exactly!
Captain Abraham Smollett : [Smollet and Mr. Erroll sigh heavily] I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
Mr. Samuel Erroll : Mm-hmm...
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Captain Abraham Smollett : Bejamina, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.
Benjamina Gunn : Sorry? No, no, sorry doesn't cut it. You left me standing at the ALTAR!
Captain Abraham Smollett : I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn : You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet. My mother came all the way from France! I was wearing her white lace dress! The cake was filled with lemon CUSTARD!
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : Any man caught dawdling will be shot on sight.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I didn't say that.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : I was just paraphrasing.
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Mudwell the Mudbunny : [sobbing] Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!
Walleyed Pike : But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.
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Jim Hawkins : Kill Captain Smollett, and you'll have to kill me.
Gonzo : Kill Jim, and you'll have to kill me.
Squire Trelawney : Kill Gonzo, and you'll have to kill me.
Rizzo : Kill Squire Trelawney and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to... negotiate strenuously.
[Silver turns to try to escape only to run into Benjamina and a gang of pigs]
Benjamina Gunn : Going somewhere, John-John?
Long John Silver : Well, Master Hawkins, it seems your little family has come together against me.
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Rizzo : I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bedwetting and a near death experience.
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Rizzo : You know, the ocean. The big blue wet thing.
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Squire Trelawney : Well, gentlemen, this is definitely a genuine bona-fide treasure map.
Jim Hawkins : Really?
Squire Trelawney : Oh, yes. Mr. Bimbo told me so.
[pause]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, Mr. Bimbo lives in my finger. He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
[puts finger to his ear]
Squire Trelawney : Oh, thank you... twice.
Rizzo : I smell a bozo.
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Captain Abraham Smollett : [Captain Smollet and Mr. Arrow are fighting the pirates, and Sweetums comes running at them with a large log] Watch out Mr. Arrow!
Captain Abraham Smollett : [Sweetums then takes all the pirates out with the large log. Smollet and Arrow look at each other for a moment] Well thank you! But, aren't you supposed to be fighting against us?
Sweetums : Are you kidding? I LOVE you guys!
Captain Abraham Smollett , Mr. Samuel Erroll : Oh.
Sweetums : Bwa ha ha...
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : That will be 40 lashes and then you walk the plank.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I didn't say that, Mr. Erroll.
Mr. Samuel Arrow : I was anticipating your whim, sir.
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Benjamina Gunn : You left me standing at the altar.
Captain Abraham Smollett : I was on a ship headed for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
Benjamina Gunn : You're a frog. You're supposed to have cold feet.
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Captain Abraham Smollett : Where to, Captain Hawkins?
Jim Hawkins : To wherever the wind may take us!
Gonzo : Off to Zanzibar to meet the Zanzibarbarians!
Rizzo : Oh, brother! Here they go again!
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[Jim and Gonzo have been listing the different directions of the compass and what lies that way]
Mrs. Bluberidge : To the northwest dirty dishes!
Gonzo : How does she do that?
Jim Hawkins : Might as well start. I'll wash.
Rizzo : I'll dry.
Gonzo : I'll break.
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Jim Hawkins : That's the raging volcano? He's a frog.
Rizzo : Hey, hey, maybe he gets hopping mad.
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Benjamina Gunn : Smolly, can it be you?
Captain Abraham Smollett : Benjamina.
Benjamina Gunn : Hi-yah!
[Karate chops Smollett, sends him flying into the gong]
Captain Abraham Smollett : [to the gong ringer] Old girlfriend.
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Long John Silver : Touching reunion, Benjamina. This seems to be your day for renewing old... acquaintances.
Benjamina Gunn : Oh! Well... hello, Looooong John.
Captain Abraham Smollett : Oh, no! Him too?
Benjamina Gunn : Well, if you'd married me...!
Captain Abraham Smollett : Well, what does that have to do with it?
Benjamina Gunn : I'm a pig! I need commitment!
Captain Abraham Smollett : Commitment?
[They begin to bicker madly]
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[Trelawney tosses brandy out the window for the third time; screams; two annoyed rats appear at the window]
Rat with Pipe : You wanna knock it off with the booze? It's peeling the paint off of the shuffleboard court.
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Mr. Samuel Arrow : By the way, that Silver fellow, may not be trustworthy.
Rizzo : [to Gonzo] Ha ha. Now he tells us.
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Rizzo : [Billy Bones has just died] We are standing in a room with a dead guy!
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Rizzo : [greeting rat tourists into the ship] Alright folks, have your checks made out to Rat Cruises Limited. Remember: We put the "rat" in "pirate".
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Jim Hawkins : [sung] I look around here and I want to cry.
Rizzo : Ah, me too.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] I feel like the world is passing me by.
Gonzo : It is.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] And I just can't help but wonder am I doomed to wash and dry? And is it a curse I'm under to do it till I die.
Gonzo : Oh, I hope not.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] When I could be an explorer...
Gonzo : Sure you could.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] ... sailing off to distant lands...
Gonzo : Wait! Not so fast.
Jim Hawkins : [sung] ... 'stead of spending every afternoon just getting dishpan hands. My future looks like nowhere that I want to be.
Jim Hawkins , Rizzo , Gonzo : [sung] There's got to be something better, something better...
Jim Hawkins : [sung] There's got to be something better than this for me.
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Rizzo : If you're going to be the cook on this ship, Mr. Silver, I am definitely going to need bigger pants.
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Rizzo : We're standing in a room where the DEAD GUYS ROAM! Aaaaaah!