- Tikel's Dad: [Upon winning the lottery] The first time you're happy about something I did.
- Tikel's Mom: [Looking at their son] The second time.
- Teacher Mounitz: You think the kids made a jerk out of me, huh? I'm a jerk. I know. But you know what? I had one day in my life like you'll never have. When I was in America, I was sent to Vietnam. The minute I landed a friend took me to a whorehouse. The girls were 14. I was with seven at once. Suddenly, a chopper landed in the middle of the war, and Bobby Fisher gets out. The great Fisher played chess with 60 soldiers at once. I was the only one who won. They took me to Virginia with him and recruited me for the American army chess team. One day in Vietnam.
- Headmaster Tissona: I want to tell you about a dream I had. I'm in a bobsled, sliding down the snow at amazing speed. And who do you think is sitting with me? Edith Piaf. She's with me. Edith Piaf!
- Eddie Tikel: Who is she, sir?
- Headmaster Tissona: She's not relevant to the story. Ask your father. And while sliding, she's singing, "Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien." And I hold her and feel her holiness flow into my heart. People on the sidelines hand us cups of tea, like in a marathon. But we can't stop the sled. I can't find the brakes. See how this connects to you?
- Rosy: Why's this place called the Monroe Seismographic Institute?
- Eddie Tikel: Marilyn Monroe. Don't you know? She was Richter's whore. The guy who measured earthquakes.
- Libby: When there's an earthquake, the scientists are really happy. The seismograph draws Marilyn Monroe naked, and they determine the size of the wake by the size of her tits.
- Rosy: That Richter was a real pervert.