Major Payne (1995)

Karyn Parsons: Emily Walburn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Emily : [She and Tiger enter Major Payne's office]  Apparently he had a little accident.

  Major Payne : Apparently he pissed all over the front of his pants.

  Emily : Well maybe that's because he's six.

  Major Payne : Because he's six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.

• Major Payne : Maybe what he need is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy grow up.

  Emily : Excuse me, what did you say?

  Major Payne : I didn't stutter, I said pop-your-titty-out-his-mouth AND STOP BABYING HIM.

  Emily : I don't call it babying, I call it nurturing.

  Major Payne : And I call it neutering.

  Emily : And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, dictorial, ego maniacal, frigid lunatic ASSHOLE!

  Major Payne : I ain't frigid.

• Major Payne : Maybe I like you.

  Emily : Just like?

  Major Payne : Maybe I like you a lot.

  Emily : That's it?

  Major Payne : Don't push the "maybes", baby.

• Emily : He's trying to show you some affection.

  Major Payne : I don't like it. It makes me feel all funny.

• Major Payne : I surprised you ain't dropped 'bout 12 puppies by now. Ain't you never been married?

  Emily : Yeah, I was.

  Major Payne : What happened? You terminate his command?

  Emily : No, actually he left. I wanted children, he didn't.

  Major Payne : Any man that'd leave you outta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed back to his mother.

  Emily : Well, thank you Benson. How about you? Was there ever a Ms. Payne?

  Major Payne : Negative. I figure if the Marines wanted me to have a wife, they'd of issued me one.

• Maj. Benson Payne : [sees Tiger peeking his head into the office]  What do you want, Mr. Pee-Body?

  Emily Walburn : [as Tiger walks up to her]  He's a little upset about this morning. Apparently, he had a little accident.

  Maj. Benson Payne : Apparently, he pissed all over the front of his pants.

  Emily Walburn : Well, maybe that's because he's six.

  Maj. Benson Payne : Maybe cause he six? Woman, when I was six years old I had a full time job.

• [Major Payne has shaved the children bald] 

  Emily : Major Payne, can you please help me to understand why you shaved the children bald?

  Major Payne : Oh, that's my little incentive program. These boys have to earn their do... their hair-do that is. Heh,Heh,Heh.

• Emily : Major! What are the boys doing in those dresses?

  Major Benson Winifred Payne : They puttin' on a fashion show.

  Emily : I thought we had a little talk about this kind of negative reinforcement. Weren't you going to be my big helper?

  Major Benson Winifred Payne : Yeah, but they started it.

  Emily : Well, I'm stopping it.

  [Reaches for Payne's whistle] 

  Major Benson Winifred Payne : Don't touch my whistle.

  Emily : But I was just gonna...

  Major Benson Winifred Payne : Don't touch the whistle.

  [Blows the whistle] 

  Major Benson Winifred Payne : All right, ladies. Take off those dresses. Head back to your barracks. Fold 'em up neatly. Let's move it.

• Emily : Here. I want you to read this book. Read it. Apply it.

  Major Payne : The ABC's Of Being A Positive Male Role Model?