Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988–1999)

Mary Jo Pehl: Pearl Forrester, Magic Voice, Jan, Amazon Woman, Barb, Jody the Nanite, Lady, Neighbor from Deep 12, Party Go-er, Shelli the Nanite, Shelly the Nanite, The 'Nelson' Family, The Power Steves, Tourist

Photos 

29 more photos

Quotes 

• Pearl Forrester : Mike, your movie this week stars nobody and features nothing.

• Badool : My name is Badool

  Crow : No, wait, that's my intestinal condition.

  Badool : Can you say "Badool"?

  Pearl Forrester : Let me try. "Get bent". No, I guess I can't

• Pearl Forrester : [Observer's been trying to send Mike to the planet]  Ok Brain guy. I'm going to be very clear. Bring... Mike... Down here.

  [a man in a business suit appears] 

  Mike Down, CPA : Where am I? Oh. Hi, I'm Mike Down.

• Pearl Forrester : All and all a pretty nice trip. We used Brainiac here as a fish locator and then he harvested some wild mushrooms with his mind. We sat by a crystal blue stream having mind-fried rainbow trout. Mmm. It was heaven.

  Bobo : I got bit by a rattlesnake in a very embarasing place. Had to suck the poison out myself.

  Pearl Forrester : I'll never eat again.

  Bobo : Then got stung by a scorpion. Oh, found the motherload of deer ticks. Uh, sat in some sandbur. Say, got mauled by a bear. Buried me so he could eat me later, and I had to dig my way out.

• Pearl Forrester : Quiet, you fool. I found the ancient family diary of the Forrester clan. It's fascinating. Ancient numbers for ancient bookies. Topaz Wallingford Thiesenstein Forrester really knew how to play the ponies. And here, 1,000 year old malt liquor labels. And an antediluvian form of chicken-in-a-biscuit called Her Majesty's Fool's Hen Cracklebread. What a rich and marvelous past. What's this? Apparently, my ancestors have always been involved in odd experiments. Amethyst Rogento Forrester trapped a man in a cave and pushed in bad paintings of the hunt. Emerald Montgomery Forrester trapped a man on an island and forced him to read poorly done parchments and... and, could this be... Adventerine Sowbodaford Forrester trapped a man in a tree and told him really bad sagas... it's incredible. I have a feeling I'm on to something here, Nelson... some power, some force beyond my control. And it doesn't look good for you. Ha ha ha ha.

  Observer : I think you're getting off the point just a tad, you might want...

  Pearl Forrester : Cower, world. Tremble, world. Run and mule and puke in terror, world. Ready. Haaarch.

• Pearl Forrester : A mother has got to support her son no matter what a loser he is.

• Dr. Forrester : Alright, we've all just seen the film "Earth Vs. Soup". How many people didn't like the film? Didn't like the film, or just didn't care for it? By show of hands, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven, so all! All didn't like the film. Okay. How many people did like the film? They liked the film? Cindy, you didn't like the film, and now you have your hand about half-way up, so maybe you liked the film a little bit? Would that be correct? Okay, we'll get back to that. Okay, what about the film didn't you like? The film we just saw, "Earth Vs. Soup". What was it about you didn't like, or didn't care for? Say, the plot? Or... yes, Gary.

  Gary : Uh, the plot?

  Dr. Forrester : The plot, Gary didn't like the plot. How many other people didn't like the plot? By show of hands, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven, so, we all didn't like the plot. Why? Why didn't we like the plot? What was it about that we didn't like? Doug, why didn't you like the plot?

  Doug : I liked the plot, it was just too short.

  Dr. Forrester : Ah, you thought it was too short! Okay. What were your favorite characters from the film? If you had one favorite character, who would that character be? The film you just saw, "Earth Vs. Soup", a favorite character such as Mike? Uh... Cindy, yes.

  Cindy : Mike.

  Dr. Forrester : Cindy liked Mike. How many other people liked Mike? By show of hands, one-two-three, okay, three people liked Mike, alright. How many people have an allergic reaction to shellfish? Allergic reaction or...

  Tony : A mild reaction.

  Dr. Forrester : A mild reaction to shellfish. So, Tony, would this keep you from recommending this film to a friend?

  Tony : Yes.

  Dr. Forrester : Yes, it would, yes it would. Because you don't like shellfish. You wouldn't wanna see shellfish in a movie. Okay. What if the soup were a different kind of soup, say it was a chicken stock, or, or something, would you recommend it to a friend if it was a potato soup? Yes? Okay. Cindy, uh, you had your hand...

  Cindy : I don't like soup.

  Dr. Forrester : Oh, that's right, you're the one who doesn't like soup. What's that Gary? Oh, Gary would like a sandwich! Hahahahaha... How many people would like to have seen Julia Ormond naked? Julia... one-two-three-four, so about half, half would like to see Julia Ormond naked. Um... if you had a rat-cage strapped to your face...

  Pearl Forrester : Uh-kay, guys, we've got a lot got a lot of work to do, we had sixty eight percent walk outs, we have to get those numbers down. Also, seventy four percent of the audience didn't like the character of Cruella De Vil, and even though the character wasn't in the movie, we have to change those numbers.

  Dr. Forrester : would you like to see more crackers in the movie? The big kind of crackers, or the small oyster crackers?

  Doug : Saltine?

  Dr. Forrester : Saltines? Yes, good, excellent.

• Pearl Forrester : Is it ME? Am I a MAGNET for these idiots?

• Pearl Forrester : Okay, great. Art, uh, I have looked over your script.

  Crow T. Robot : Oh, good, uh... , Let me just say that I will not have this script tampered with!

  Pearl Forrester : And, clearly, there are some major script revisions needed.

  Crow T. Robot : Uh, sure, great, absolutely, fine, fine, whatever. And, uh, uh, um, uh, what kind of budget are we looking at here, uh, Pearl... Dr. Forrester? Heh.

  Dr. Forrester : Well, we could only get you about 30 million for the entire movie, so, how that shakes out is roughly, well ten percent for each of us, uh, ten percent for the company, insurance, uh...

  Pearl Forrester : Administration, holding fee, completion bonds.

  Dr. Forrester : So, we should be able to shoot you about eight hundred dollars for the entire movie.

  Crow T. Robot : What? Eight hundred from... from thirty mil... I can't do anything for eight hundred dollars! Come on!

  Pearl Forrester : Huh.

  Dr. Forrester : Hal Needham once said, "Give me a fire-bird and a delapidated building and I'll give you drama!"

  Crow T. Robot : Oh... eight hundred sounds fine... oh, okay! Alright, okay, okay, we're making a movie!

  Mike Nelson : Hey!

  Crow T. Robot : You guys are gonna be in my movie!

  Mike Nelson : Alright, yeah.

  Pearl Forrester : And the studio insists on Kevin Bacon.

  Crow T. Robot : Kevin Bacon? How we supposed to get Kevin Bacon? We can't afford him! How're we gonna get him up here?

  Pearl Forrester : Well, again guys, this is the big time.

• Pearl Forrester : Can I rule you?

  Tom Servo : Sorry, baby. No one rules the Tom Monster.

• Pearl Forrester : I'll send him cheesy movies... The worst, I can find! He'll have to sit and watch them all, and I'll monitor his mind!

• Pearl Forrester : You're out of order.

  Bobo : I'm not out of order. YOU'RE out of order. This court room is out of order, the system is out of order, the candy machine in the hallway is out of order!

• Pearl Forrester : Look, I found Frank's head while I was cleaning out the closet.

  Dr. Forrester : No, that's just an extra one he kept around.