Summer School (1987)

Mark Harmon: Freddy Shoop

Photos 

31 more photos

Quotes 

• Shoop : Hey, I remember you. Where have you been?

  Jerome Watkins : Bathroom.

  Shoop : For the last six weeks?

  Jerome Watkins : My zipper got stuck.

• Principal Kelban : Field trips to the beach, drinking on the beach, a bed in your classroom, a screening of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1... quite a summer, Mr. Shoop.

  Shoop : I tried to keep it interesting.

  Phil Gills : I have his dismissal ready for your signature, sir.

  Principal Kelban : Before I sign anything, I understand there are some people waiting to speak on Mr. Shoop's behalf.

  Shoop : Really?

  Principal Kelban : Come in.

  [opens the door to Shoop's students and their parents and guardians] 

  Phil Gills : Mr. Kelban, you're not actually going to listen to these delinquents?

  Principal Kelban : No, I'm going to listen to their parents. I'm Principal Kelban. Is there a spokesperson here?

  Mr. Gremp : I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp.

  Principal Kelban : You're Chainsaw's father. Interesting boy.

  Mr. Gremp : No, you can say it. He's a lunatic.

  Chainsaw : Dad...

  Mr. Gremp : Six weeks ago, I thought he had the IQ of a salad bar. His only interest in life was to make people sick. If my mother came to dinner, he would give the dog a third eye or an extra leg. Because of him, we stopped having kids. You can imagine the feeling when I saw him studying. The wife and I almost burst into tears.

  Mrs. Frazier : David was doing his homework, too.

  Mr. Gremp : It makes sense, they share the same brain.

  Mrs. Green : Not only did Mr. Shoop get my daughter to read, he taught her to drive.

  Mr. Winchester : He showed Kevin there's more to life than football. I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible.

• Pam : You want us to study?

  Shoop : The thought did cross my mind.

  Denise : Well, what's in it for us? What do we get out of it?

  Shoop : Literacy?

• [Shoop is calling roll] 

  Shoop : Francis Gremp?

  Chainsaw : Don't ever call me that, the name's "Chainsaw".

  Shoop : As in "Black and Decker"?

  Chainsaw : As in "Texas Massacre".

• Shoop : Where are my car keys?

  Chainsaw : There somewhere in this room. Right now you're ice cold.

• Phil Gills : [the class is watching "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"]  Oh my God. What are you watching?

  Shoop : New film from the district, "Safe Use Of Power Tools".

  Phil Gills : [holds a box]  This just came... I don't want to know what's in here, do I?

  Shoop : Nope, probably not.

• Shoop : Denise: no previous test score because you ditched every test, but a 38.

  Mrs. Green : Honey, that's terrific!

  Denise : We'll get 'em next time.

  Shoop : Kevin, from a 48 to a 75!

  Kevin Winchester : Yeah, I'm back on the team!

  [Kevin and his did share football shouts and hug] 

  Shoop : Chainsaw: last score was a 6, this time: 59. Monster comeback! And Dave: from a 26 to a 70.

  Dave : I passed!

  Anna-Maria Mazarelli : You made it!

  Chainsaw : You passed? You passed and I failed, asshole! How could you do that to me?

  Dave : It was an accident. I'll take it again, I can fail, I know it.

  Shoop : Pam went from a 53 to an 82.

  Pam : Was that the highest?

  Shoop : Well, almost. That guy who spent six weeks in the bathroom got a 91. But look, there's more going on here than test scores and grades. You all worked hard and improved.

  Phil Gills : And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop. The point here is that we are here to discuss Mr. Shoop's flagrant violation of school policies.

  Principal Kelban : Hold it, Gills. According to my numbers, the average scores have increased from 28 to 63. That's 125% improvement. Now that's teaching. Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.

• Shoop : Please take your seats.

  Chainsaw , Dave : [upon picking up their desks]  Where should we take 'em?

• Shoop : [to Chainsaw]  Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more and you're a talking monkey.

• Phil Gills : This man should not be teaching. The proof is right here in these test results. Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop. Passing is 70; average score here was 63. They failed.

  Shoop : [looks at the results]  That is not true, Mr. Gills.

  Alan Eakian : You mean we passed?

  Shoop : No, not all of you, but that's not what's important here. Larry went from an 18 to a 51!

  Mrs. Kazimias : If I'd only seen you strip a week sooner.

  Shoop : Rhonda: from a 29 to a 43 and she gave birth.

  Mrs. Altobello : Isn't childbirth grounds for a makeup test?

  Principal Kelban : It always has been.

  Chainsaw : This woman thing never fails.

  Shoop : Eakian: a 51 to a 74.

  Alan Eakian : I passed! I am an Eakian, Grams!

  Dave : All right, Eaker!

• Shoop : Can anybody tell me why writing is important?

  Pam : Because it's a form of communication.

  Shoop : Very good, it can also get you free stuff.

  Kids : Free?

  Shoop : Free, I'm writing the word... "Free". Here's how it works, we've all been ripped off, right? Pay phone steals your money... not enough cheese on your pizza...

  Chainsaw : My shades keep falling apart!

  Shoop : Perfect! Now, you're going to write that company a letter, and you're going to see action, but only if the letter is well written... and it threatens to hurt their business... and is signed- forgive me Chainsaw- Francis Gremp, President: Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear.

  Chainsaw : You want me to lie? Okay.

• Shoop : [trying to get out of teaching summer school]  I'm not a real teacher.

  Vice Principal Phil Gills : That's okay. They aren't real students.

• Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : [reading Denise's complaint letter]  Shoop, this girl is dyslexic.

  Shoop : What?

  Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : This is serious. You've got to get her some help.

  Shoop : How did she go this long without anyone finding out?

  Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : She must've slipped through the system.

  Shoop : What happens when she gets out in the real world?

  Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : *Wait a minute*! Is this the same guy who brought his kids to an amusement park?

  Shoop : Uh huh.

• Shoop : [Chainsaw pours a large fish tank on the couch to put out a fire]  My fish!

  Pam : How many were there?

  Shoop : Just one.

• Shoop : Your teacher was arrested for giving vodka to students.

  Dave : You went to jail for us?

  Shoop : On roller skates.

• Rhonda Altobello : Are you sure you wanna do this?

  Shoop : Absolutely. Lamaze class: great place to meet girls.

• Shoop : You know what we need Wonder Mutt?

  [sticks his finger in jam jar with a peanut butter coated finger, and feeds it to Wonder Mutt] 

  Shoop : Besides bread. We need a woman that can appreciate what we have to offer.

• Shoop : I'm telling you, you gotta try these Pop Tarts.

  Ms. Robin Elizabeth Bishop : No thanks, I'm sticking with the Chocodiles.

• Larry Kazamias : Once a guy hits 18, it's all downhill.

  Shoop : But it's a lovely ride.

• Shoop : [reading call sheet]  Rhonda Altobello?

  Rhonda Altobello : Here.

  Shoop : You went from Cs to Fs, what happened?

  Rhonda Altobello : [stands up and pats her pregnant stomach]  Any other questions?

  Shoop : [embarrassed]  No.

• Kevin Winchester : Uh, can Rhonda and I be excused? She's having a baby.

  Shoop : You're having a baby?

  [climbs over the desks to reach her] 

  Shoop : Why didn't you say anything?

  Rhonda Altobello : I wanted to finish my test.

  [walks down the stairs towards the door] 

  Shoop : Can I get you anything, hot water, a doctor?

  Rhonda Altobello : [laughs]  Get out of my way.

  Shoop : Get out of your way, I can do that.

  [to school security] 

  Shoop : Carmine, get out of her way!

• Jerome Watkins : The computer said I failed that test. The computer made an error. I suggest this time *I pass*.

  Shoop : [Clearly intimidated]  You're gonna do well, Jerome... I can feel it.