Full Metal Jacket (1987)
Matthew Modine: Pvt. Joker
Photos
Quotes
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Private Joker : Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer Pyle : Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?
Private Joker : Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!
[pause]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [slowly and strictly] Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle. And you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it now. You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet, and step back away from it.
[Private Pyle grins and aims the rifle at Hartman]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [raising his voice] What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
[Private Pyle shoots Hartman, killing him]
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Animal Mother : You a photographer?
Private Joker : I'm a combat correspondent.
Animal Mother : Well, you seen much combat?
Private Joker : [sarcastic] I've seen a little on TV.
Animal Mother : You're a real comedian.
Private Joker : Well, they call me the Joker.
Animal Mother : Well I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.
Private Joker : [doing John Wayne impression] Well, pilgrim, only after you eat the peanuts out of my shit!
Animal Mother : You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
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Door Gunner : Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC! You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!
Private Joker : Why should we do a story about you?
Door Gunner : 'Cuz I'm so fuckin' good! I done got me 157 dead gooks killed. Plus 50 water buffalo, too! Them's all confirmed!
Private Joker : Any women or children?
Door Gunner : Sometimes!
Private Joker : How can you shoot women or children?
Door Gunner : Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell?
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[last lines]
Private Joker : [voice-over] My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private Joker : Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Private Joker : Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!
[slaps Joker]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love the Virgin Mary, don't ya?
Private Joker : Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
Private Joker : Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private believes any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Who's your squad leader, scumbag?
Private Joker : Sir, the squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Snowball!
Private Snowball : Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker's promoted to squad leader.
Private Snowball : Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Disappear, scumbag!
Private Snowball : Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle!
Private Gomer Pyle : Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything, he'll teach you how to pee!
Private Gomer Pyle : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough in my beloved Corps! Now, you ladies carry on.
Private Joker , Private Gomer Pyle : [together] Sir, aye-aye, sir!
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Private Joker : Leonard, if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we'll both be in a world of shit.
Private Gomer Pyle : I *am*... in a world... of shit.
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Private Joker : I wanted to see exotic Vietnam... the crown jewel of Southeast Asia. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture... and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!
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Pogue Colonel : Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
Private Joker : A peace symbol, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Where'd you get it?
Private Joker : I don't remember, sir.
Pogue Colonel : What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Private Joker : "Born to Kill", sir.
Pogue Colonel : You write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?
Private Joker : No, sir.
Pogue Colonel : You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you.
Private Joker : Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Private Joker : I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Pogue Colonel : The what?
Private Joker : The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Whose side are you on, son?
Private Joker : Our side, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Don't you love your country?
Private Joker : Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team and come on in for the big win?
Private Joker : Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel : Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world, son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Private Joker : Aye-aye, sir.
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Private Joker : The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [as Joker checks and then holds up his rifle for inspection, Hartman takes the rifle and proceeds to inspect it] What's your sixth general order?
Private Joker : Sir! The private's sixth general order is to receive and to obey -- and to pass on to the sentry who relieves me -- all orders from the CO, from the OD, from any and all other officers, and from NCOs of the guard! Sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] What's this weapon's name, Private Joker?
Private Joker : [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] Sir! The private's weapon's name is the Bitch, sir!
[Hartman angrily passes back the rifle]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] You slimy piece of shit, that's no way to talk to your rifle! Now get on your face and give me 25!
Private Joker : Twenty-five! Yes, sir!
[while Joker executes the push-ups, Hartman approaches Pyle who holds up his own rifle]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : How many counts in that movement you just executed?
Private Gomer Pyle : [hard and firm tone] Sir! Four counts, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : What's the idea of looking down in the chamber?
Private Gomer Pyle : Sir! That is to guarantee that the private is not giving the inspecting officer a loaded weapon, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : What's your fifth general order?
Private Gomer Pyle : Sir! The private's fifth general order is to quit my post only when properly relieved, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : What's this weapon's name, Private Pyle?
Private Gomer Pyle : Sir! The private's weapon's name is Charlene, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Private Pyle, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.
Private Gomer Pyle : Sir! Yes, sir!
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Da Nang Hooker : Hey, baby. You got girlfriend Vietnam?
Private Joker : Not just this minute.
Da Nang Hooker : Well, baby, me so horny. Me so HORNY. Me love you long time. You party?
Private Joker : Yeah, we might party. How much?
Da Nang Hooker : Fifteen dollar.
Private Joker : Fifteen dollars for both of us?
Da Nang Hooker : No. Each you fifteen dollar. Me love you long time. Me so HORNY.
Private Joker : Fifteen dollar too beaucoup. Five dollars each.
Da Nang Hooker : Me sucky-sucky. Me love you too much.
Private Joker : Five dollars is all my mom allows me to spend.
Da Nang Hooker : Okay. Ten dollar each.
Private Joker : What do we get for ten dollars?
Da Nang Hooker : Every t'ing you want.
Private Joker : Everything?
Da Nang Hooker : Every t'ing.
Private Joker : [to Rafterman] Well, old buddy, feel like spending some of your hard-earned money?
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Lt. Lockhart : [reading] ... we have a new directive from M.A.F. on this. In the future, in place of "search and destroy," substitute the phrase "sweep and clear." Got it?
Private Joker : Got it. Very catchy.
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[referring to Lee Harvey Oswald and mass murderer Charles Whitman]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?... Private Joker.
Private Joker : Sir. In the Marines, Sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : In the Marines. Outstanding. Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing.
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Do any of you people know who Charles Whitman was? None of you dumbasses knows? Private Cowboy?
Private Cowboy : Sir, he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in Austin, Texas, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed twelve people from a twenty-eight-story observation tower at the University of Texas from distances up to four hundred yards. Anybody know who Lee Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball?
Private Snowball : Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : That's right, and do you know how far away he was?
Private Snowball : Sir, it was pretty far! From that book suppository building, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : All right, knock it off! Two hundred and fifty feet! He was two hundred and fifty feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a head shot! Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot? Private Joker?
Private Joker : Sir, in the Marines, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!
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Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Pickett!
Pickett : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 0300. Infantry. Toe Jam!
Toe Jam : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 0300. Infantry. Adams!
Adams : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 1800. Engineers. You go out and find mines. Cowboy!
Private Cowboy : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 0300. Infantry. Taylor!
Taylor : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 0300. Infantry. Joker!
Private Joker : Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : 4212. Basic Military Journalism. You gotta be shittin' me, Joker. You think you're Mickey Spillane? You think you're some kind of a fuckin' writer?
Private Joker : Sir, I wrote for my high school newspaper, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Jesus H. Christ! You're not a writer. You're a killer!
Private Joker : A killer, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Gomer Pyle. GOMER PYLE!
Private Gomer Pyle : [staring into space] Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : You forget your fuckin' name? 0300. Infantry. You made it.
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Private Joker : [narrating] Graduation is only a few days away, and the recruits of Platoon 3092 are salty. They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds. The drill instructors are proud to see that we are growing beyond their control. The Marine Corps does not want robots. The Marine Corps wants killers. The Marine Corps wants to build indestructible men, men without fear.
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Private Joker : Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Private Cowboy : Hey, start the cameras. This is "Vietnam - the Movie."
Private Eightball : Yeah, Joker can be John Wayne. I'll be a horse.
Donlon : T.H.E. Rock can be a rock.
T.H.E. Rock : I'll be Ann-Margret.
Doc Jay : Animal Mother can be a rabid buffalo.
Crazy Earl : I'll be General Custer.
Private Rafterman : Well, who'll be the Indians?
Animal Mother : Hey, we'll let the gooks play the Indians.
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Private Cowboy : Tough break for Hand Job. He was all set to get shipped out on a medical.
Private Joker : What was the matter with him?
Private Cowboy : He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Private Eightball : No shit. At least ten times a day.
Private Cowboy : Last week he was sent down to Da Nang to see the Navy head shrinker, and the crazy fucker starts jerking off in the waiting room. Instant Section Eight. He was just waiting for his papers to clear division.
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Private Cowboy : Don't shit me, man!
Private Joker : I wouldn't shit you. You're my favorite turd!
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Lt. Lockhart : Charlie has hit every major military target in Vietnam, and hit 'em hard. In Saigon, the United States Embassy has been overrun by suicide squads. Khe Sahn is standing by to be overrun. We also have reports that a division of N.V.A. has occupied all of the city of Hue south of the Perfume River. In strategic terms, Charlie's cut the country in half... the civilian press are about to wet their pants and we've heard even Cronkite's going to say the war is now unwinnable. In other words, it's a huge shit sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite.
Private Joker : Sir... does this mean that Ann-Margret's not coming?
Lt. Lockhart : Joker... I want you to get straight up to Phu Bai. Captain January will need all his people.
Private Joker : Yes, sir.
Lt. Lockhart : And Joker, you will take off that damn button. How's it gonna look if you get killed wearing a peace symbol?
Private Rafterman : Sir? Permission to go with Joker?
Lt. Lockhart : Permission granted.
Private Rafterman : Thank you, sir.
Private Joker : Sir, permission not to take Rafterman with me?
Lt. Lockhart : You still here? Vanish, Joker, most ricky-tick, and take Rafterman with you. You're responsible for him.
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Animal Mother : [as the squad discusses on what to do with the wounded sniper] Hey asshole... Cowboy's wasted. You're fresh out of friends. I'm running the squad now, and I say we leave the gook for the motherlovin' rats.
Private Joker : I'm not trying to run the squad. I'm just saying we can't leave her like this.
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Private Joker : A day without blood is like a day without sunshine.
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Private Joker : I wanna slip my tube steak into your sister. What'll you take in trade?
Private Cowboy : What do you got?
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Private Cowboy : Been getting any?
Private Joker : Only your sister.
Private Cowboy : Well, better my sister than my mom, and my mom ain't bad.
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Lt. Lockhart : You must have seen blood trails, drag marks?
Private Joker : It was raining, sir.
Lt. Lockhart : Well that's why God passed the law of probability. Re-write it and give it a happy ending. One killed. Make it a sapper. Or an officer. Which?
Private Joker : Whichever you say.
Lt. Lockhart : Grunts like reading about dead officers.
Private Joker : Okay - an officer. How about a general?
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Private Joker : [narrating] Parris Island, South Carolina. The Marine Corps Training Depot. An eight-week college for the phony tough and the crazy brave.
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Gny. Sgt. Hartman : Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
Pvt. Joker : Sir! To kill, sir!
Gny. Sgt. Hartman : So you're a killer!
Pvt. Joker : Sir! Yes, sir!
Gny. Sgt. Hartman : Then let me see your War Face...! You got a War Face?
[He roars at Joker]
Gny. Sgt. Hartman : That's a War Face; now, let me see your War Face!
[Joker roars at him]
Gny. Sgt. Hartman : BULLSHIT YOU DIDN'T CONVINCE ME! LET ME SEE YOUR *REAL* WAR FACE!
[Joker roars harder and louder than before]
Gny. Sgt. Hartman : You still didn't convince me; work on it!
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Private Joker : Ya know, half of these gook whores are serving officers in the Viet Cong; the other half have got T.B. Be sure you only fuck the ones that cough.
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Private Joker : You know, half of these gook whores are sworn members of the Vietcong. The other half got TB. Make sure you only fuck the ones who cough.
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Pvt. Cowboy : Don't shit me, man!
Pvt. Joker : I wouldn't shit you. You're my favorite turd!
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Private Joker : [narrating] Our last night on the island. I draw fire watch.
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Private Joker : Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman : Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimey, little communist, shit twinkle-towed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody huh? The fairy-fucking godmother said it! I'll fucking stab you! I'll fucking BT you all until you fucking die! I'll fucking BT your asshole for sucking buttermilk. Was it you you scrounging little fuck huh?
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Rafterman : You know what really pisses me off about these people?
Pvt. Joker : What?
Rafterman : We're supposed to be helping them and they shit all over us every chance they get. I just can't feature that.
Pvt. Joker : Don't take it too hard, Rafterman. It's just business.
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Pvt. Cowboy : I'm squad leader.
Pvt. Joker : I'll follow you anywhere, scumbag.
