Stand by Me (1986)
Wil Wheaton: Gordie Lachance
Photos
Quotes
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Gordie : [Angry] Fuck writing, I don't want to be a writer. It's stupid. It's a stupid waste of time.
Chris : That's your dad talking.
Gordie : [Still angry] Bullshit!
Chris : Bull true.
Chris : I know how your dad feels about you. He doesn't give a shit about you. Denny was the one. He cared about and don't try to tell me different. You're just a kid, Gordie.
Gordie : [Shocked and Angry] Oh, gee! Thanks, Dad!
Chris : Wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn't be goin' around talkin' about takin' these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something, man, all those stories you can make up. And He said, "This is what we got for ya, kid. Try not to lose it." Kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe I should.
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Gordie : Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.
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Gordie : [Still in a trauma state of shock] Why did he have to die, Chris? Why did Denny have to die?
Chris : I don't know.
Gordie : [Still in shock] It should've been me.
Chris : Don't say that.
Gordie : [Trying not to cry] It should've been me!
Chris : Don't say that, man!
Gordie : [Gordie tries to be strong but starts to weep slightly] I'm no good. My dad said it. I'm no good.
Chris : He doesn't know you.
Gordie : [Gordie starts to weep] He hates me.
Chris : He doesn't hate you.
Gordie : [Voice breaking] He hates me!
Chris : No! He just doesn't know you.
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Gordie : Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Vern : If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.
Teddy : Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.
Gordie : I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!
Chris : He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.
Gordie : Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.
Vern : Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?
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Milo : Chopper! Sic'em, boy!
The Writer : [while Gordie is runs in slow motion] Now he said, "Sic'em, boy!" But what I heard was, "Chopper! Sic balls!"
Gordie : [Gordie screams and runs for his life and is surprised to discover that Chopper is a small golden retriever] That's Chopper?
Teddy : [Taunting Chopper behind the fence] Ha ha ha! Come on, Choppy! Bite my ass, Choppy! Bite my ass! Bite shit. Come on, Choppy! Sic balls, Choppy!
Milo : Hey, you! Stop teasing that dog, you hear me! Stop teasing him! Sonny, I'm gonna beat your ass, teasing my dog like that!
Teddy : Yeah? I'd like to see you climb over this fence and get me, fat ass!
Milo : Don't you call me that, you little tin weasel peckerwood loony's son.
Teddy : [Surprised] What did you call me?
Milo : I know who you are. You're Teddy Duchamp. Your dad's a loony. A loony up in the nuthouse in Togus. He took your ear and he put it to a stove and burnt it off.
Teddy : [Trying not to get angry] My father stormed the beach at Normandy.
Milo : He's crazier than a shithouse rat. No wonder you're acting the way you are with a loony for a father.
Teddy : [Getting angry] You call my dad a loony again, I'll kill you.
Milo : Loony, loony, loony!
Teddy : [Extremely angry] I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!
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Gordie : Maybe you could come into the college courses with me.
Chris : Yeah right, that'll be the day.
Gordie : Why not? You're smart enough.
Chris : They won't let me.
Gordie : What do you mean?
Chris : It's what everyone thinks of my family in this town. It's what they think of me. I'm just one of those low-life Chambers kids.
Gordie : That's not true.
Chris : Oh wait, it is. No one even asked me if I took the milk money that time. I just got a three day vacation.
Gordie : Did you take it?
Chris : Yeah, I took it! I mean, you knew I took it. Teddy knew I took it. Everyone knew I took it. Even Vern knew it, I think. But maybe I was sorry and I tried to give it back.
Gordie : You tried to give it back?
Chris : Maybe. Just maybe. And maybe I took it to Old Lady Simmons and told her, and the money was all there. But I still got a three day vacation because it never showed up. And maybe the next week, Old Lady Simmons had this new suit on when she came to school.
Gordie : Yeah, yeah! It was brown and it had dots on it.
Chris : Yeah. So let's just say that I stole the milk money, but Old Lady Simmons stole it back from me. Just say that I told this story. Me, Chris Chambers. Kid brother to Eyeball Chambers. Do you think that anyone would've believed it?
Gordie : No.
Chris : And do you think that that bitch would have dared try something like that if it had been one of those douchebags from up on the view, if they had taken the money?
Gordie : No way!
Chris : Hell no! But with me?... I'm sure she had her eye on that skirt for a long time. Anyway, she saw her chance, and she took it. I was the stupid one for even trying to give it back.
[begins to cry]
Chris : I just never thought a teacher... Oh, who gives a fuck anyway? I just wish... that I could go some place... where nobody knows me. I guess I'm just a pussy, huh?
Gordie : [places his hand on Chris' shoulder while whispering and comforting him] No way. No way.
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[as Lardass walks across the stage to his seat the Benevolent Order of Antelopes mock him in rhythm with his steps]
Crowd : Boom-baba-boom-baba...
[They fall silent as Lardass glares at them, but then they resume their mockery as soon as he starts moving again]
Crowd : Boom-baba-boom-baba-boom.
Mayor Grundy : And now, the one you've all been waiting for, the four-time champion, our own, Bill Travis!
[Cheers and applause; Mayor aside to Travis]
Mayor Grundy : Listen, I got ten ridin' on you myself, Billy-boy.
[Now he speaks to the crowd]
Mayor Grundy : Alright, are you ready? Hands behind your backs, gentlemen! Drum roll!
Donelley Twin , Donelley Twin : Hey, Lardass! Chow down, Wide Load!
Mayor Grundy : Heh-heh-heh... GO!
[the contestants bury their faces and begin eating. Within a few seconds, Lardass has finished his first pie]
Lardass Hogan : Done!
[Lardass finishes his second pie]
Lardass Hogan : Done!
[Bill Travis finishes his first pie]
Bill Travis : Done!
Lardass Hogan : [Lardass finishes his third pie] Done!
Mayor Grundy : [to Lardass] You better pace yourself if you wanna hold out, boy.
[Lardass continues and the crowd starts to cheer him on]
Crowd : Lardass! Lardass!
Gordie : What the audience didn't know was that Lardass wasn't really interested in winning. What he wanted was revenge, and right before he was introduced he'd gotten ready for it.
[Cut to flashback scene showing Lardass drinking a quart bottle of Castor Oil and eating a raw egg just before the start of the contest; cut back to the contest in progress]
Gordie : Diving into his fifth pie, Lardass began to imagine that he wasn't eating pies. He pretended he was eating cow-plops, and rat guts in blueberry sauce.
Crowd : Lardass! Lardass!
Lardass Hogan : Done!
[Lardass prepares to dive into his sixth pie, but then his stomach starts rumbling]
Gordie : Slowly, a sound started to build in Lardass' stomach. A strange and scary sound, like a log truck coming at you at a hundred miles-an-hour. Suddenly, Lardass opened his mouth, and before Bill Travis knew it...
[Lardass barfs all over Bill]
Gordie : ... he was covered with five pies worth of used blueberries. The women in the audience screamed. Bossman Bob Cormier took one look at Bill Travis and barfed on Principal Wiggins. Principal Wiggins barfed on the lumberjack that was sitting next to him. Mayor Grundy barfed on his wife's tits! But when the smell hit the crowd, that's when Lardass' plan really started to work. Girlfriends barfed on boyfriends. Kids barfed on their parents. A fat lady barfed in her purse. The Donnelley twins barfed on each other, and the Women's Auxiliary barfed all over the Benevolent Order of Antelopes. And Lardass just sat back and enjoyed what he'd created-a complete and total barf-o-rama!
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[the boys are having trouble designing how to get across the river]
Teddy : Okay, you guys can go around if you want. I'm crossing here. And while you guys are dragging your candy asses half way across the state and back, I'll be waiting on the other side, relaxing with my thoughts.
Gordie : You use your left hand or right hand to do that?
Teddy : You wish.
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Gordie : ...the main guy of the story is a fat kid that nobody likes named Davie Hogan.
Vern : Like Charlie Hogan's brother. If he had one.
Chris : Good Vern. Go on, Gordie.
Gordie : Well this kid is our age but he's fat. Real fat. He weighs close to one-eighty. But you know, it's not his fault. It's his glands.
Vern : Oh yeah, my cousin's like that, sincerely. She weighs over three hundred pounds! Supposed to be Hyboid Gland or something. Well, I don't know about any Hyboid Glands, but what a blimp! No shit. She looks like a Thanksgiving turkey. And you know this one time...
Chris : Shut up, Vern.
Vern : Yeah, yeah, right. Go on, Gordie, it's a swell story.
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Gordie : [after Gordie and Chris set off the gun]
[Angrily]
Gordie : That tupper babe saw me!
Chris : Aw, shit, Gordie! She thought it was firecrackers.
Gordie : [Still angry] I don't care! That was a mean trick, Chris!
Chris : Hey, Gordie! I didn't know it was loaded!
Gordie : You swear?
Chris : Yeah, I swear.
Gordie : On your mother's name?
Chris : Yeah.
Gordie : Even if she goes to hell 'cause you lied?
Chris : Yeah, I swear!
Gordie : Pinky swear?
-
The Writer : As time went on, we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until, eventually, they became just two more faces in the halls. Happens sometimes, friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant. I heard that Vern got married out of high school, had four kids, and is now the forklift operator at the Arseno Lumberyard. Teddy tried several times to get into the Army, but his eyes and his ear kept him out. Last I heard, he had spent some time in jail and was now doing odd jobs around Castle Rock.
Chris : I'm never gonna get out of this town, am I, Gordie?
Gordie : You can do anything you want, man.
Chris : Yeah. Sure.
[Staring at each other for a moment]
Chris : Give me some skin.
[They share their handshake]
Gordie : I'll see ya.
Chris : Not if I see you first.
The Writer : Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me and, although, it was hard, he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to college and, eventually, became a lawyer. Last week, he entered a fast food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument. One of them pulled a knife. Chris, who had always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.
The Writer : [the Writer typing on his computer] Although I hadn't seen him in more than ten years, I know I'll miss him forever.
Gordon's Son : Dad, can we go now?
The Writer : You ready?
Gordon's Son : Yeah, we've been ready for an hour.
The Writer : [laughs] Okay, I'll be right there.
His Friend : He said that a half hour ago.
Gordon's Son : Yeah, my dad's weird. He gets like that when he's writing.
The Writer : [Continues typing] I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?
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Teddy : You lose Gordie!
[laughs]
Teddy : Gordie loses! Oh, Gordie just screwed the pooch!
Gordie : Does the word "retarded" mean anything to you?
Teddy : Gordie, go get the food, you morphodite.
Gordie : Don't call me any of your mother's pet names.
Teddy : What a wet end you are, Lachance!
Gordie : Shut up.
Teddy , Vern , Chris : [In unison] I don't shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up.
[Pretends to gag]
Gordie : [to the others] And then, your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up!
The Writer : Finding new and preferably ways to degrade a friend's mother, was always held in high regard.
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Mr. Lachance : Why can't you have friends like Denny's?
Gordie : [Surprised and shocked] Dad, they're okay.
Mr. Lachance : Sure they are. A thief and two feebs?
Gordie : [Still surprised] Chris isn't a thief.
Mr. Lachance : [Raises his eyebrow] He stole the milk money at school. He's a thief in my book.
[He exits, and heads back outside. And Gordie watches as he exits]
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Mr. Lachance : [in Gordie's dream, at Denny's funeral Mr. Lachance places his hand on Gordie's shoulder, while he looks down at Denny's casket going down in the grave] It should've been you, Gordon.
Gordie : [Snaps awake and screams]
Chris : You? Ok?
Gordie : Huh?
Chris : You were dreaming.
Gordie : [Remains unresponsive and then speaks] I didn't cry at Denny's funeral.
Chris : I know.
Gordie : [Trying to be tough and not cry] I miss him Chris.
Chris : I know, go back to sleep.
-
Chris : You ready for school?
Gordie : No.
Chris : Junior High. You know what that means. Next year we'll all be split up.
Gordie : What are you talking about? Why would that happen?
Chris : 'Cause it's not gonna be like grammar school, that's why. You'll be taking your college courses, and me, Teddy, and Vern will all be in the shop courses with the rest of the retards, making ash trays and bird houses. You're gonna meet a lot of new guys. Smart guys.
Gordie : A lot of pussies is what you mean.
Chris : No, man. Don't say that. Don't even think that.
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Eyeball : Hey girls, where ya goin'?
Gordie : [Ace passes Gordie on the sidewalk and snatches his baseball cap off his head] Hey, my brother gave me that!
Ace : [holds the hat up high so Gordie can't reach it] Now, you're giving it to me.
Gordie : Hey! C'mon, man! That's mine!
Chris : [glaring at Ace] You're a real asshole, you know that?
Ace : [flicks his cigarette to that ground] Ooo. You're brother's not very polite, Eyeball.
Eyeball : Now, Christopher. I know you didn't mean to insult my friend.
Ace : I know he didn't mean to insult me. That's why I'm going to give him the chance of taking it back.
Ace : [thrusts Chris on his stomach against the sidewalk and begins holding the lit cigarette close to his eye] Take it back, kid.
Chris : You bastard! Let go, man! Shit!
Gordie : Stop it, man! You're hurting him!
Chris : Filthy bastard...! Okay, I take it back! I take it back!
Ace : Now, I feel a whole let better about this. How 'bout you?
[Gordie stares at him angrily]
Ace : [grins at Chris and pats him on the cheek]
Ace : Good.
Eyeball : See ya later, girls.
-
Vern : Any of you guys know when the next train is due?
Chris : We could go down to the route 1-36 bridge.
Teddy : What are you, crazy? That's 5 miles down the river, you go 5 miles down the river you gotta walk 5 miles back! That could take 'til dark. We go across here we can get to the same place in 10 minutes.
Vern : Yeah, but if a train comes there's nowhere else to go.
Teddy : No there isn't, we just jump.
Chris : Teddy, it's 100 feet.
Vern : Yeah, Teddy.
Teddy : Look, you guys can go around if you want to, I'm crossing here, and when you guys are dragging your candy asses half way across the state and back, I'll be waiting for you on the other side relaxing with my thoughts.
Gordie : You use your left hand or your right hand for that?
Teddy : You wish.
-
[Chris drags Gordie behind the building to show him his gun]
Gordie : Walking talking Jesus!
-
Gordie : Well, all the kids, instead of calling him Davie, they call him Lardass. Lardass Hogan. Even his little brother and sister calls him Lardass. At school, they put a sticker on his back that says "Wide-Load". And they rank him out and beat him up whenever they get a chance. But one day, he gets an idea; a greatest revenge idea, a kid ever had.
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Gordie : Piss up a rope!
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Teddy : [Still angry] I'll kill you!
Milo : You come on and try it, you slimy bastard.
Chris : He wants you to come over there so he can beat the piss out of you and take you to the cops.
Milo : You watch your mouth, smart guy! Let him do his own fighting.
Gordie : Sure, you only outweigh him by 500 pounds, fat ass!
Milo : I know your name. You're Lachance. I know all you guys and all your fathers are gonna get a call from me. Except for the loony up in Togus.
Teddy : [Still angry and tries to fight] I'll kill you!
Milo : You foul-mouthed whore master!
Teddy : [Angrily shouting] You son of a bitch! Nobody ranks on my old man! My father stormed the beach at Normandy! He stormed the beach, you faggot!
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Gordie : [about the gun in his hand] Is it loaded?
Chris : Hell, no. What do you think I am.
[Gordie pulls the trigger and the gun fires a bullet that hits a garbage can]
Gordie : Let's get out of here!
[both run out of the alley and down the street and Gordie shoots the guns as they run]
Chris : Gordie did it. Gordie LaChance is shooting up Castle Rock.
Gordie : [shouting] SHUT UP!
Waitress : Hey who did that? Who's setting off Cherry Bombs out here?
-
Chris : [the boys get dressed and Gordie is recovering from fainting] Maybe, we should take Gordie back.
Teddy : Oh, great, Chambers! Now, you're turning pussy too!
Chris : [Furious] What's your problem, Duchamp? He had a leech hanging from his balls, he fainted!
Teddy : [Also furious] What're you, his mother?
Chris : [Angrily] Eat shit!
Teddy : You eat shit!
[Teddy shoves Chris and Vern stops both of them]
Vern : Hey, hey, hey! I think Chris is right, let's just go back.
Teddy : [laughs] What a surprise! The king of the pussies wants to go back too!
Vern : Stop calling me that!
Teddy : What, pussy?
Vern : [Getting angry] Stop it.
Teddy : Pussy.
Vern : Stop...
Teddy : Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy!
Vern : You four-eyed psycho.
[Vern is fed up. He charges at Teddy, takes him down. And begins fighting him]
Teddy : Ow! Get off me! Ow, get...
Vern : [Fighting Teddy and punching him over and over] Two for flinching, you like it? Huh? Do I get two for flinching? You like it, Teddy?
Chris : Come on, guys. Break it up.
Gordie : [to himself, quietly] Stop it... stop it.
[to Chris, Teddy and Vern, yelling]
Gordie : Stop it!
[quietly]
Gordie : I'm not going back.
