- Alphie: It *was* an earthquake! I didn't dream it!
- Mr. Boogalow: Of course you didn't. When I signed my first contract, I also felt the world was going to pieces.
- Mr. Boogalow: Don't tell me you're going to start all over again?
- Mr. Topps: Yes. But this time, without you.
- Mr. Boogalow: Without me? But, my dear Topps, you know that isn't possible. The world simply cannot exist without me.
- Mr. Topps: Let's give it a try.
- Dandi: [singing] It's the natural, natural, natural desire... meet an actual, actual, actual vampire!
- Bibi: [singing] From New York out to L.A. / Everybody does it her way / Pumpin' power / By the hour / Speed! / I can feel the earth start quakin' / When America starts shakin' / Pumpin' power / By the hour / Speed!
- Mr. Boogalow: [singing] Like a puppet on a string / Like a monkey on a swing / Man is clinging to the ropes / Of the fantasies and hopes / We are dangling / He's so eager to believe / And so easily deceived / Like a baby watching magic / He's so gullible, it's tragic / In a word, naïve.
- Alphie's Landlady: [looking at Alphie's sleeping area] Oh, my God, what happened in here last night, a pogrom?
- Mr. Boogalow: [entering "Hell"] Do you like it?
- Bibi: I love it!
- Alphie: I hate it!
- Mr. Boogalow: You can go back to Paradise.
- Dandi: [singing] Magic apple / Mystery apple / Take a little ride / Let me be your guide / Through the apple paradise!
- Mr. Boogalow: [singing] Reaching the top is such a long, hard climb / Millions of people stand and wait in line / Do you think I got there being patient and kind? / Yes, I know how to be a master!
- Pandi: [singing] Come and take me / And shape me / And mold me / And make me / And fill me up with your fire / Come do anything to me your little heart desires!
- Dandi: [singing] Juju apple, Voodoo apple, Take a little bite, Spend a splendid night, In our garden of delights!
- Mr. Boogalow: Bring the hors d'oeuvre.
- Shake: Our special hors d'oeuvre
- Mr. Boogalow: My special hors d'oeuvre. The apple!
- Shake: Bring the master's special hors d'oeuvre - the apple!
- Mr. Boogalow: [presents it to Bibi] Don't be afraid. Taste it.
- Dandi, Pandi: [singing] Oo-ah, Lure them into chains, Oh-ah
- Mr. Boogalow: Whip them till they're tame
- Shake: Oh-ah, They'll learn to love their pain...
- Pandi: [singing] Make it harder, And harder, And faster, And faster, And when you think you can't keep it up, I'll take you deeper, And deeper, And tighter, And tighter, And drain every drop of your love...
- Pandi: [singing] Let me tempt you, And tease you, And hold you, And squeeze you, And feel every inch of your love, Let me show you things, You never dreamed of, Oooo Ooooo, Coming, Coming for you, Now, I'm coming, Coming for you...
- Mr. Boogalow: Who the hell are they?
- Shake: They're nobodies. I swear. They're just a couple of kids from Moose Jaw.
- Mr. Boogalow: Moose where?