Robin Hood (1973)
Terry-Thomas: Sir Hiss - A Snake
Photos
Quotes
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[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
Hiss : I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
Hiss : Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
Hiss : Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John : Ahh! Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
Prince John : I've got a dirty thumb.
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[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
Sheriff of Nottingham : He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[to Sir Hiss]
Sheriff of Nottingham : [speaking] Am I right?
Hiss : [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
[lowers his voice]
Hiss : [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
Hiss : The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
Sheriff of Nottingham : Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measly, Weaseling.
Prince John : [shouts] Enough!
[throws the glass jug at the sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
Sheriff of Nottingham : But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
Prince John : Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
Prince John : Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.
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[after being stuffed into a barrel full of ale]
Hiss : Please! Please! I don't drink!
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Hiss : A perfect fit, Sire! Looks most becoming! You look regal, dignified, sincere, masterful, noble...
Prince John : Don't overdo it, Hiss!
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Little John : [after sitting on Hiss] Oh, excuse me, Buster.
Hiss : Buster? You, sir, have taken my seat!
Prince John : [laughs] Hiss, with you around, who needs a court jester?
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Prince John : [Robin Hood and Skippy mocked Prince John after another trap failed] Oh, no! It's so miserably unfair!
Hiss : Well, I tried to tell you, but no, no, no. You wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And NOW look what you've done to your mother's castle.
Prince John : [screams at the sight of his burning castle, with a stick in hand] Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and chases Sir Hiss]
Prince John : Hold still!
Hiss : Sire, no!
Prince John : You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Aggravating asp!
Hiss : Save me!
Prince John : Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!
Hiss : Help! He's gone stark raving MAD!
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Prince John : One more hiss out of you uhm Hiss. And you are walking to Nottingham.
Hiss : [to himself] Snakes don't walk, they slither. Hmph. So there.
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Prince John : Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! Ah-hah! Ah-hah!
Hiss : Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.
[chuckles]
Prince John : To coin a phrase, my dear counselor, rob the poor to give the rich.
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Prince John : Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
Hiss : Coming, coming.
[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
Hiss : Oh! there you are, old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
Prince John : Robin Hood?
[screams angrily]
Prince John : [ties Hiss around a pole]
Prince John : Get out of that, if you can.
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Prince John : Robbed! I've been robbed! Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
[clears his throat]
Prince John : I've been robbed.
Hiss : Of course you've been robbed!
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Hiss : [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
[starts to hypnotize him]
Hiss : Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
Prince John : [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
Hiss : Well, I was only trying to help.
Prince John : I wonder. Silly serpent.
Hiss : Silly serpent?
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Hiss : How nobly King Richard's crown sits on your royal brow.
Prince John : Doesn't it? King Richard?
[wrings Hiss' neck]
Prince John : I told you never to mention my brother's name!
Hiss : A mere slip of the forked tongue, Sire.
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Prince John : My trap is baited and set! And then, revenge! Ahh.
[screams so loud it almost blows off Hiss' skin]
Prince John : Revenge!
Hiss : Shh! Not so loud, sire! Remember, only you and I know, and your secret is my secret.
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Hiss : Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh, and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
Prince John : [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on... Did you say Friar Tuck?
Hiss : Did I? Y-yes, I did.
Prince John : Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
Hiss : Another trap?
Prince John : Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
Hiss : B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
Prince John : Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
[laughs evilly]
Prince John : my men will be ready.
[laughs evilly]
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Hiss : What cheek! Creepy? Buster? Long one? Who does that dupey duke think he is?
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Hiss : Sire, sire, they may be bandits.
Prince John : Oh, poppycock. Female bandits? What next? Rubbish. Um, um, my dear ladies, you have my permission to kiss the royal hands. Whichever you like, first.
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Prince John : That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!
Hiss : I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.
Prince John : Enough!
[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]
Prince John : Hiss, you deliberately dodged.
Hiss : But, but, but Sire, please.
Prince John : Stop sniveling and hold still.
[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]
Hiss : [dazed] Thank you, Sire.
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Hiss : [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]
Prince John : [screams and chuckles] Hiss, oh, you have hissed your last hiss.
Hiss : [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]
Prince John : Suspicious snake.
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Prince John : What is the next stop, Sir Hiss?
Hiss : Let's see. I. Oh, the next stop is Nottingham, sire.