- Joseph P. Kotcher: [about his wife and baby son in the car] She covered all the windows every time she changed him. I don't know why, I don't know what harm it would do people seeing his little pink pecker at 25 miles an hour, but she covered the windows every time.
- [Kotch is being given a psychological exam by an obnoxious psychiatrist]
- Dr. McKernan: Do you like "Alice In Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll?
- Joseph P. Kotcher: I wouldn't like it by anyone else.
- [During the psychological exam, Kotch is shown a Rorschark ink drawing and asked to describe what he sees in it]
- Joseph P. Kotcher: An inexperienced spermatozoon, about fifteen years old, asking directions to the nearest fallopian tube.
- Peter Stiel: [offended by Mr. Kotcher calling him "Peter Herzenstiel"] Just "Stiel". S - T - I - E - L.