- Kip Lurie: Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding; from this comes idiot children and more lawyers.
- Amanda Bonner: Now, you look here, Kip. I'm fighting my prejudices, but it's clear that you're behaving like a, like a--well, I'd hate to put it this way--like a *man*.
- Kip Lurie: You watch your language!
- Kip Lurie: Well, good luck tomorrow, Amanda. I'm on your side, I guess you know that. You've got me so convinced, I may even go out and become a woman. Goodnight.
- [leaves]
- Adam Bonner: And he wouldn't have far to go, either.
- Amanda Bonner: Shh!
- Adam Bonner: What's a matter?
- Kip Lurie: [steps back into the kitchen and whispers] He can hear you.
- Adam Bonner: [takes a bite out of his fake gun] Licorice. If there's anything I'm a sucker for, it's licorice.
- Beryl Caighn: She tried to shoot me.
- Adam Bonner: How do you know that?
- Beryl Caighn: Because she did it.
- Amanda Bonner: And when did you stop loving your wife? Tell the truth.
- Warren Francis Attinger: At least
- [shrugs]
- Warren Francis Attinger: 3 years.
- Amanda Bonner: Why? Tell the truth.
- Warren Francis Attinger: She started getting too fat.
- Amanda Bonner: Did you tell her about that?
- Warren Francis Attinger: Yes.
- Amanda Bonner: What happened?
- Warren Francis Attinger: She got fatter.
- Amanda Bonner: What I said was true: there's no difference between the sexes. Men, women, the same.
- Adam Bonner: They are, huh?
- Amanda Bonner: Well, maybe there is a difference, but it's a little difference.
- Adam Bonner: Well, you know as the French say...
- Amanda Bonner: What do they say?
- Adam Bonner: Vive la Difference!
- Amanda Bonner: Which means?
- Adam Bonner: Which means hooray for that little difference.
- Adam Bonner: [Adam spanks Amanda's bottom and she gets off the massage table and glares at him] What's the matter? Don't you want your rubdown? What? What are ya, sore about a little slap?
- Amanda Bonner: No.
- Adam Bonner: Well, what then?
- Amanda Bonner: [outraged] You meant that, didn't you? You *really* meant that.
- Adam Bonner: Why, no, I...
- Amanda Bonner: Yes, you did. I can tell. I know your type. I know a *slap* from a *slug*.
- Adam Bonner: Well, OK, OK... .
- Amanda Bonner: I'm not so sure it is. I'm not so sure I care to--expose myself to typical instinctive masculine brutality.
- Adam Bonner: Oh, come now.
- Amanda Bonner: And it felt not only as though you meant it, but as though you felt you had a *right* to. I can tell.
- Adam Bonner: What've you got back there? Radar equipment?
- Amanda Bonner: [addressing the court] For years, women have been ridiculed, pampered, chucked under the chin. I ask you, on behalf of us all, be fair to the fair sex.
- Adam Bonner: We'll be here a year.
- Amanda Bonner: Mr. Attinger had never touched you before this time?
- Beryl Caighn: Sure
- Amanda Bonner: Ahh!
- Beryl Caighn: We used to shake hands quite a lot.
- Amanda Bonner: I see. Did you enjoy it?
- Adam Bonner: What do you want around here, anyway?
- Kip Lurie: As if you didn't already know.
- [looks at Amanda]
- Amanda Bonner: May I remind the court of the words of the poet Congreve? "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned!"
- Amanda Bonner: I have called these few witnesses to assist me in graphically illustrating my point that woman as the equal of man is entitled to equality before the law. They have been carefully selected to testify in this case. Each representing a particular branch of American womanhood for not only one woman is on trial here but all women.
- Amanda Bonner: Deep in the heart of South America there thrives today a civilization far older than ours. A people known as the Lorcananos descended from the Amazons. In this vast tribe members of the female sex rule and govern and systematically deny equal rights to the *men* made weak and puny by years of subservience too weak to revolt. And yet how long have we lived in the shadow of a like injustice?
- Kip Lurie: I'd probably love anybody who lived right across the hall from me. It's so convenient. Is there anything worse than that awful taking a girl home and then that long trek back alone?
- Amanda Bonner: This sort of thing burns my goat.
- Adam Bonner: Your what?
- Amanda Bonner: My goat! My goat!
- Amanda Bonner: All I'm saying is, why let this deplorable system seep into our courts of law where women are supposed to be equal?
- Adam Bonner: Mostly, I think, females get advantages.
- Amanda Bonner: We don't want advantages, and we don't want prejudices.
- Adam Bonner: Oh, don't get excited, honey, and don't--oh, you're giving me the Bryn Mawr accent.
- Amanda Bonner: Now, look, all I'm trying to say is that there are lots of things that a man can do and in society's eyes, it's all hunky-dory. A woman does the same thing--the same, mind you--and she's an outcast.
- Adam Bonner: Finished?
- Amanda Bonner: No. Now I'm not blaming you personally, Adam, because this is so.
- Adam Bonner: Oh, well, that's awfully large of you.
- Amanda Bonner: Now, when did you begin to suspect that you were losing your husband's affection?
- Doris Attinger: Um, when he stopped battin' me around.
- Amanda Bonner: When was that?
- Doris Attinger: Eleven months ago. March 14.
- Amanda Bonner: He struck you?
- Doris Attinger: First time, he broke a tooth. My tooth.
- Adam Bonner: Why did you marry her?
- Warren Francis Attinger: How should I know? Who knows? Why'd you marry yours? Does anybody know?
- Amanda Bonner: What do you think of a man who's unfaithful to his wife?
- Grace: Not nice, but...
- Amanda Bonner: All right, now, what about a woman who's unfaithful to her husband?
- Grace: Something terrible.
- Amanda Bonner: Aha!
- Grace: Aha what?
- Amanda Bonner: Why the difference? Why the difference? Why not nice if he does it and something terrible if she does it?
- Grace: I don't make the rules.
- Amanda Bonner: Sure you do. We all do.
- Amanda Bonner: Why? Why? What's so funny?
- Adam Bonner: Nothin'. You just sound cute when you get causey.
- Amanda Bonner: You're not gonna put this poor girl away just because she had the misfortune to be born a female.
- Adam Bonner: I am going to cut you into 12 little pieces and feed you to the jury, so get prepared for it.
- Amanda Bonner: [turns off the light, takes off her robe] Goodnight, Pinky.
- [kiss]
- Adam Bonner: Aww, goodnight.
- Amanda Bonner: May it please the court, I submit that my entire line of defense is based on the proposition that persons of the female sex should be dealt with, before the law as the equals of persons of the male sex. I submit that I cannot hope to argue this line before minds hostile to and prejudiced against the female sex.
- Amanda Bonner: Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
- Adam Bonner: Give you a real rubdown later if you'll give me one.
- Amanda Bonner: Yeah, Adam!
- Amanda Bonner: Pinky.
- Adam Bonner: Calling me?
- Amanda Bonner: What's that?
- Adam Bonner: Just the best hat in the world - for the best head.
- Adam Bonner: Where do you wanna go tonight?
- Amanda Bonner: No place. I wanna stay home tonight.
- Adam Bonner: What?
- Amanda Bonner: Would you mind?
- Adam Bonner: What?
- Amanda Bonner: Please?
- Adam Bonner: Well, I don't know.
- Amanda Bonner: Cook up something ourselves. Something exotic! How would you care for some of that?
- Adam Bonner: Oh, I would.
- Amanda Bonner: Of what?
- Adam Bonner: What you said.
- Amanda Bonner: Did you ever question him about his behavior?
- Doris Attinger: Certainly.
- Amanda Bonner: Did he offer any explanation?
- Doris Attinger: Certainly. He told me to shut up and mind my own business.
- Amanda Bonner: You feel Pinky, cranky? You feel cranky, Pinky?
- Adam Bonner: Hmm?
- Amanda Bonner: You feel cranky, Pinky?
- Kip Lurie: Hello, you well-known thing, you.
- Adam Bonner: How are you?
- Kip Lurie: You just ask that because you can't think of anything else to say. You don't care whether I live or die.
- Doris Attinger: I says, "Listen, Warren." I says, "You can't have it both ways, you know. So make up your mind and don't try to make some kind of part-timer out of me." So he says, "Bite your tongue, fatso."
- Adam Bonner: You're having the wrong kind of fun down in that courtroom. You're shaking the law by the tail and I don't like it!
- Warren Francis Attinger: Mr. Attinger, did you ever--strike your wife?
- Warren Francis Attinger: Not much.
- Amanda Bonner: Tell the jury yes or no. Yeah.
- Warren Francis Attinger: Yeah.
- Amanda Bonner: Knock her down?
- Warren Francis Attinger: What?
- Amanda Bonner: You heard me. Did you ever knock her down? Tell the truth.
- Warren Francis Attinger: Maybe a couple of times, she tripped or slipped.
- Amanda Bonner: Scold her?
- Warren Francis Attinger: Well...
- Amanda Bonner: Tell the jury yes or no.
- Warren Francis Attinger: Yeah.
- Amanda Bonner: Stay out all night.
- Warren Francis Attinger: Yep.
- Amanda Bonner: Do you consider yourself a good husband?'
- Warren Francis Attinger: Yes.
- Amanda Bonner: That's all.