It's a Joke, Son! (1947)
Kenny Delmar: Senator Claghorn
Photos
Quotes
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Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Beauregard, I've got somethin' to tell you. From now on, I'm gonna wear the pants in this family.
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, naturally, dear. I thought you were gonna tell me something new.
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : You know we've got two states down here - South Carolina and North Carolina. North Carolina? No such place. Why don't they call it Upper South Carolina? And, I can't for the life of me understand why we've got a South Dakota up North.
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : A girl named Lincoln has no right to be from Atlanta.
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Peterson - the Mailman : Anyhow, Mr. Claghorn, I want you to know that you get the most interesting mail on my whole route.
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, that's mighty nice of you to say so, sir.
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Now, son, in my plan you simply move the Mason-Dixon line up around the Great Lakes. Make Canada the North. That way, anyone who couldn't talk with a Southern drawl would have to get a passport.
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William : Is it all ready for the ladies now ?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Yeah. but are the ladies ready for it?
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : That's a joke, son. Be alert. Pay attention. Don't let em get by ya.
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Groceryman : What can we do, Mr. Claghorn?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Eliminate the North -- make the whole country South.
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [Speaking to his pet] Daisy... you're lucky to be a dog. Your trouble's are canine; mine are asinine. If you weren't a dog, I'd get a laugh on that.
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Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [to his dog] Daisy, don't you know that's a Northern apple? You wanna get distemper? Drop it!
[And the dog does]
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Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Beauregard, I could almost kiss you for that.
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Well, thank you, my dear. It's nice of you to almost wanna kiss me.
Mary Lou : Well, why don't you kiss him, momma?
Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Hmmm?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Magnolia, my blossom, prepare to defend yourself.
Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Stop it, now. Stop it!
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Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : What're you so happy about?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Oh, I'm sorry my dear. I didn't mean to be happy.
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Groceryman : Well, what about our maps, Mr. Claghorn?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Maps? Did you ever look at a map? You'll notice that all the rivers run South.
Groceryman : Well, that's only because of the shape of the earth.
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Nonsense! It's because they can't stand it up North.
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Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : If that Jeff Davis comes in this house once more, I'm gonna pop up and go home to mother.
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : [Excitedly] You will?
Mrs.Magnolia Claghorn : Oh, so you wanna get rid of me?
Senator Beauregard Claghorn : Oh, no, dear. I only said that, I said... .I must've said something.