- [correctly guessing a prank call that involved samples of his own voice talking to him was made by Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] How stupid do you think I am? This is a number of our company calling me and I am talking to myself. Who, besides Klaas Heufer-Umlauf, has so much time to deal with such nonsense in order to delight himself by cutting snippets from what was probably a podcast I just did with Paul [Ripke] and calling me using them?!
- [after Klaas Heufer-Umlauf confirmed he was the person behind a prank call to Joko that involved samples of Joko's own voice talking to him] Find yourself a different hobby!
- [on creating a Circus Halligalli (2013) "Longest Day" challenge for Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] Another thing Klaas is unbelievably uncomfortable with are shopping centers. There are lots of people who are shopping in those, and both shopping and lots of people are things he finds super horrible.
- [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf: Have you ever smoked in your life?] Yes, indeed. From ages 16 to 16 and a half. I had this deal at home that, if I didn't drink and smoke until I was 18, the expenses for my driving license would be covered. Yeah, I paid for that myself in the end.
- [to Klaas Heufer-Umlauf while sitting unnecessarily close to him during a Circus Halligalli (2013) challenge which involved both of them locked up in a small box, attempting to get each other to leave the box first through various means] I never sat this close to you. You have really beautiful ears. [Klaas: Stop it now, please. [covers face with hands] Oh God, I wish I was dead.]
- I am incredibly grateful to have met this person [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf]. [...] The greatest happiness.
- [2012] I just finished the coke bottle you [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] left on my desk on Friday. In your face, you asshole.
- Klaas and I are so different from each other that it is not possible to be any more different.
- Wicked, Klaas Heufer-Umlauf replied to my tweet [followed by seven identical shocked emojis]
- [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf, on the 2012 Echo awards: Very good show. There is nothing to complain about.] You spent 70% of the show outside, smoking...
- [on dealing with Klaas Heufer-Umlauf's heavy smoking] He actually leaves the room when he wants to smoke.
- Klaas really is a friend I would not want to do without.
- [on the Circus Halligalli (2013) "Being Quiet" challenge during which he and Klaas Heufer-Umlauf must not exceed the maximum volume of 30 decibel or the respective opponent is being awarded money that will be donated] Being quiet. That is so absurdly difficult, because in your head, you are loud the entire time.
- [tasked on Circus Halligalli (2013) to present the next clip in a lascivious way] You know this, I am the guy who is always called the loud one of us two. Yet I am not only loud - I am sometimes, of course - but also quiet. And he here [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] is the guy who is always considered the quiet one. But he is also able to be loud, if you know what I mean.
- [on the Circus Halligalli (2013) "Being Quiet" challenge] I know Klaas thinks I can't be quiet, but this time I am prepared and I have firmly decided that I will win this thing by miles, with no compromises.
- At the end of the day, nobody knows me better than Klaas, and I believe he feels the same vice versa.
- Well, I think I keep getting more attractive with age.
- [on career aspirations while still at school and his vocational training which he did not finish] I really didn't know what to do with my life.
- [on his mother, who died when he was 6] I would give away everything to get her back.
- [2015, noticing Klaas Heufer-Umlauf is about to light up a cigarette in the Circus Halligalli (2013) studio despite the smoking ban after he was tasked to do so by Sido as part of "Wenn ich Sie wäre" ("If I were you")] Are you mad?! [Klaas, lighting up and exhaling without a wince as Joko continues to stare at him in disbelief: Mmm!]
- There are some things which are simply... you simply don't do them. Something like farting in an elevator, for example. That's disgusting. [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf: No, you don't do that. Only among good friends.] Only then, yes. Or in my car, like you always do!
- I already had my first glasses when I was attending school, but back then I only needed them because I was always sitting at the very back of the classroom and couldn't read what was being written on the blackboard in the front.
- Klaas is the one who actually puts a lot of thought into things and I am the one who then says, 'I don't care'. [Katrin Bauerfeind: You laugh.] I laugh, exactly. And that is the secret recipe. [Klaas: Pinky and the Brain.]
- [asked if he talks about fashion with Klaas Heufer-Umlauf or other men] You can't talk about fashion with Klaas because he hasn't got any taste. [laughs] Apart from that, fashion isn't exactly the main topic in a friendship among boys either.
- [Late Night Berlin (2018), to Klaas Heufer-Umlauf who is cuddling a Golden Retriever puppy] I wouldn't know now who I find cuter, you or the puppy!
- People think I am happy because I laugh a lot. Yet I am not happy.
- Thank God I met Klaas at some point. Alone I would simply be a brain amoeba.
- I hate unpunctual people. Klaas is always unpunctual. But him I don't hate! For him, we always had a special regulation during filming so he wouldn't be tardy.
- And this one really has to say: Klaas is adorable when it comes to taking care of people. In all seriousness. There is nobody who is more affectionate than Klaas when it comes to helping someone who isn't feeling well at that moment, who needs help in some way at that moment. He took care of me as if I were 2 years old and completely lost.
- I can't imagine anything nicer than smoking a cigarette in the car with Klaas (if I did smoke).
- Klaas doesn't have weaknesses. This is also the reason why I enjoy spending time with him so much.
- [What is the most important favor for friends Klaas has ever done to you?] It's small things, for example, when he leaves the room to smoke somewhere else. He also tickled me just before the interview so that I am in a good mood.
- We [himself and Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] value each other for the qualities the respective other doesn't have and have already spent incredibly funny, incredibly exhausting, exciting and drunk moments together and experienced a lot of stories that unfortunately cannot be told here.
- I would give away everything to have my mother around. To hear the sentence once that she would be proud of me, it would mean everything to me.
- My father and I, we love each other very much, but my father is not the type who can show it. Maybe this is also the very reason why I am such an emotional guy who then always wants to hug everyone, because I don't want just that.
- [Jakob Lundt: What are you actually doing on a typical Sunday?] At the moment, I am searching for a bathrobe online.
- Klaas often says to me: You can't wear that. Then I say: I don't think you are the guy who is able to judge what I can't wear. Look how you're dressed!
- I once danced on the table in a club in Hamburg. My pants were already hanging off the backs of my knees because I had done a kind of fake striptease for my friends. Suddenly a mate points at my underpants - I thought he wanted to tell me that we are wearing the same underpants. This was not the case. The two buttons on my shorts were undone... Please imagine the rest of it yourself.
- [Pub quiz question: What do the buildings of the federal state parliaments of Brandenburg, Lower Saxony, Mecklenburg-Vorpommern and Hesse have in common?] They all have roofs.
- [2015] Klaas and I, we have been experiencing a lot for six years now. This forms bonds. I know Klaas sometimes has difficulties showing that.
- [2011] But if I have learned one thing, then it's to never give up dreams.
- Virtually every time I wake up, everything is always awesome, and then I think about who I am and what I do for a living and then I think to myself: Oh no, shit!
- I gotta pee like a gelding!
- We [himself and Klaas Heufer-Umlauf] met each other at MTV/Viva. We sat opposite each other, talked to one another and at some point scheduled to meet for a movie night. [Klaas: We watched a Helge Schneider movie.] Yes, that's right. We hardly talked to each other, instead only watching the movie, drinking beer - and then I left. I then knew: He is a peculiar guy, but good and affectionate in his own way. We properly found our way to one another when we hosted the first show together.
- Klaas needs a third level in his jokes though. But I know by now how to make the little man laugh when he is in a bad mood.
- [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf: Tell me, do you think these people are completely daft?] Yes, of course. They are watching our show, so they can't be perfectly normal.
- It's a special type of friendship. We hardly saw each other during the last eight weeks, and this morning Klaas left a message on my mailbox: 'Mr Winterscheidt, there is no reason for my call, but we have not spoken to each other for so long, I just wanted to hear your voice, could you please call me?'
- If we don't see each other for three days, things are getting a bit melancholy once you meet each other again, you embrace each other and rejoice. Nobody ever believes that we are friends, but Klaas is a really nice, great guy.
- I know that, in Klaas, I have someone by my side who is completely on the same wavelength in the right moments.
- [2012] [Klaas Heufer-Umlauf: How many times did you already think, 'Dude, don't lose it now'?] There were moments but I can count them on one hand. It always has something to do with us being able to experience a lot of things for the first time, and most of the time you are somewhat more impressed than I am. You however also always extract a completely different energy from this. But sometimes I think: 'Alright, now take a deep breath, Klausi - ultimately, all of this is just for show.'
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