12 Thumbs-Down Reasons Why I Couldn't Trust Roger Ebert
Making a list of what verdicts of a particular film critic are most at odds with your own is a great way to put your tastes in perspective for others. Here are the thumbs-down verdicts of Roger Ebert that I’m gladdest that I disregarded. (There are just too many “thumbs-up” verdicts of his that I disagree with to deal with all of them. Just remember that he rated SPEED 2 higher than all of these.)
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- DirectorJohn McTiernanStarsBruce WillisAlan RickmanBonnie BedeliaA New York City police officer tries to save his estranged wife and several others taken hostage by terrorists during a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles."Inappropriate and wrongheaded interruptions reveal the fragile nature of the plot and prevent it from working."
- DirectorJohn BoormanStarsJon VoightBurt ReynoldsNed BeattyIntent on seeing the Cahulawassee River before it's dammed and turned into a lake, outdoor fanatic Lewis Medlock takes his friends on a canoeing trip they'll never forget into the dangerous American back-country."What James Dickey has given us here is a fantasy about violence, not a realistic consideration of it."
- DirectorDavid FincherStarsBrad PittEdward NortonMeat LoafAn insomniac office worker and a devil-may-care soap maker form an underground fight club that evolves into much more."When you see good actors in a project like this, you wonder if they signed up as an alternative to canyoneering."
- DirectorStanley KubrickStarsMatthew ModineR. Lee ErmeyVincent D'OnofrioA pragmatic U.S. Marine observes the dehumanizing effects the Vietnam War has on his fellow recruits from their brutal boot camp training to the bloody street fighting in Hue."This is a strangely shapeless film from the man whose work usually imposes a ferociously consistent vision on his material."
- DirectorDavid LynchStarsIsabella RosselliniKyle MacLachlanDennis HopperThe discovery of a severed human ear found in a field leads a young man on an investigation related to a beautiful, mysterious nightclub singer and a group of psychopathic criminals who have kidnapped her child."It made me feel pity for the actors who worked in it and anger at the director for taking liberties with them." (Translation: "I'LL defend your honor, Isabella!")
- DirectorLuc BessonStarsJean RenoGary OldmanNatalie Portman12-year-old Mathilda is reluctantly taken in by Léon, a professional assassin, after her family is murdered. An unusual relationship forms as she becomes his protégée and learns the assassin's trade."Always at the back of my mind was the troubled thought that there was something wrong about placing a 12-year-old character in the middle of this action."
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsMichael DouglasSharon StoneGeorge DzundzaA violent police detective investigates a brutal murder that might involve a manipulative and seductive novelist."This is not a movie where the outcome depends upon the personality or behavior of the characters. It's just a wind-up machine to jerk us around."
- DirectorQuentin TarantinoStarsHarvey KeitelTim RothMichael MadsenWhen a simple jewelry heist goes horribly wrong, the surviving criminals begin to suspect that one of them is a police informant."Having created the characters and fashioned the outline, Tarantino doesn't do much with his characters except to let them talk too much."
- DirectorBryan SingerStarsKevin SpaceyGabriel ByrneChazz PalminteriThe sole survivor of a pier shoot-out tells the story of how a notorious criminal influenced the events that began with five criminals meeting in a seemingly random police lineup."To the degree that I do understand, I don't care."
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsRussell CroweJoaquin PhoenixConnie NielsenA former Roman General sets out to exact vengeance against the corrupt emperor who murdered his family and sent him into slavery."The film looks muddy, fuzzy, and indistinct. The story line is 'Rocky' on downers."
- DirectorGuy RitchieStarsJason StathamBrad PittStephen GrahamUnscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond."The movie is not boring, but it doesn't build and it doesn't arrive anywhere."
- DirectorAmy HeckerlingStarsSean PennJennifer Jason LeighJudge ReinholdA group of Southern California high school students are enjoying their most important subjects: sex, drugs and rock n' roll."The whole movie is a failure of taste, tone, and nerve ... the waste of a good cast on erratic, offensive material that hasn't been thought through, or maybe even thought about."