Funny dialogues
Which hilarious conversation is your favorite?
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- DirectorWill GluckStarsEmma StoneAmanda BynesPenn BadgleyWhen Olive lies to her best friend about losing her virginity to one of the college boys, a girl overhears their conversation. Soon, her story spreads across the entire school like wildfire.Chip: I like your pants.
Olive: Thank you! They're Costco. You can have them when you're a little taller if you want.
Chip: I'm never gonna go through puberty.
Rosemary: Of course you will, baby, but we're a family of late bloomers - I didn't until I was 14, and nor did Olive.
Chip: Why does that matter? I'm adopted!
Dill: [slams his fist on the kitchen cabinet] What? Oh my God! Who told you? Guys, we were going to do this at the right time!
[a little later at the kitchen table]
Dill: [to Chip] Where are you from originally? - DirectorAnne FletcherStarsSandra BullockRyan ReynoldsMary SteenburgenA pushy boss forces her young assistant to marry her in order to keep her visa status in the U.S. and avoid deportation to Canada.[Margaret looks down the 9-step ladder]
Andrew Paxton: Come on...
[Margaret starts for the ladder resignedly]
Andrew Paxton: Come on, here we go.
[Margaret puts her tote bag down on the ground and gets on the ladder, trying to find her footing in high heels and a skirt]
Andrew Paxton: [looking up at Margaret] Looking good, boss. Take your time though.
Margaret Tate: Shh! [takes her bag off the ground and back on her arm]
Andrew Paxton: [puts her hand on Margaret's butt] Just give you a little hand here.
Margaret Tate: Hand. Off. A**. Off a**.
Andrew Paxton: [removes his hand] There you go.
[Margaret tries to find the next step]
Andrew Paxton: You're there.
[Margaret tries to find the pier with her foot, finally finds it, and gets off the ladder]
Andrew Paxton: Congratulations. I'm a hundred years old now. - DirectorRob ReinerStarsCary ElwesMandy PatinkinRobin WrightA bedridden boy's grandfather reads him the story of a farmboy-turned-pirate who encounters numerous obstacles, enemies and allies in his quest to be reunited with his true love.Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Westley: You're that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons. - DirectorTrey ParkerStarsTrey ParkerMatt StoneMary Kay BergmanWhen Stan Marsh and his friends go see an R-rated movie, they start cursing and their parents think that Canada is to blame.Eric Cartman: Kyle, all those times I said you were a big dumb Jew, I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle Broflovski: Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman.
Eric Cartman: No no, Kyle, don't be so hard on yourself. - DirectorQuentin TarantinoStarsJohn TravoltaUma ThurmanSamuel L. JacksonThe lives of two mob hitmen, a boxer, a gangster and his wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of violence and redemption.Jules Winnfield: Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: What country are you from?
Brett: What? What? Wh...
Jules Winnfield: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: English, mother*****r do you speak it?
Brett: Yes! Yes!
Jules Winnfield: Then you know what I'm sayin'!
Brett: Yes!
Jules Winnfield: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: Say "what" again. Say "what" again, I dare you, I double dare you mother*****r say "what" one more Goddamn time! - DirectorShane BlackStarsRussell CroweRyan GoslingAngourie RiceIn 1970s Los Angeles, a mismatched pair of private eyes investigate a missing girl and the mysterious death of a porn star.Judith Kuttner: Well my situation is very delicate.
Jackson Healy: I… That’s where I know you from, right, the TV. You’re prosecuting that car company thing.
Judith Kuttner: The lawsuit of the catalytic converter, yes, that’s half my day. The other half I spend on pornography.
Holland March: What kind? Like which films? What’s your favorite? - DirectorGuy RitchieStarsJason FlemyngDexter FletcherNick MoranEddy persuades his three pals to pool money for a vital poker game against a powerful local mobster, Hatchet Harry. Eddy loses, after which Harry gives him a week to pay back 500,000 pounds.Winston: What is that?
Willie: That's Gloria.
Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
Willie: Fertilizer.
Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer... - DirectorAlan TaylorStarsChris HemsworthNatalie PortmanTom HiddlestonWhen the Dark Elves attempt to plunge the universe into darkness, Thor must embark on a perilous and personal journey that will reunite him with doctor Jane Foster.[Jane and Selvig appear through a portal and catch Darcy kissing Ian]
Jane Foster: Darcy!
Darcy Lewis: [drops Ian to the ground] Jane!
Erik Selvig: Ian!
Ian Boothby: Selvig!
Darcy Lewis: [sees Mjölnir fly by] Mew-mew! - DirectorJoss WhedonStarsRobert Downey Jr.Chris EvansScarlett JohanssonEarth's mightiest heroes must come together and learn to fight as a team if they are going to stop the mischievous Loki and his alien army from enslaving humanity.Bruce Banner: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Have a care how you speak! Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard and he is my brother!
Black Widow: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted. - DirectorGlenn FicarraJohn RequaStarsSteve CarellRyan GoslingJulianne MooreA middle-aged husband's life changes dramatically when his wife asks him for a divorce. He seeks to rediscover his manhood with the help of a newfound friend, Jacob, learning to pick up girls at bars.Hannah: Take off your shirt!
Jacob Palmer: Why?
Hannah: Will you take off your shirt?
[Jacob removes his shirt]
Hannah: Seriously!? It's like you're photoshopped! - DirectorJean-Baptiste AndreaStarsDavid SchwimmerSimon PeggAlice EveA frustrated, unemployed professor joins forces with a scammer and a friend of his in a blackmailing scheme.Charlie: I put him in the septic tank
Gus: Who?
Charlie: The corpse.
Gus: What corpse?
Charlie: The reverend's corpse.
Gus: He wasn't a corpse when I left him Charlie!
[Charlie freaks out]
Charlie: Can't we get him out of the tank?
Gus: Well yeah how long has been down there breathing liquid sh*t?
Charlie: Ten minutes, tops. - DirectorGary WinickStarsAmanda SeyfriedGael García BernalVanessa RedgraveSophie travels to Verona where she finds an old unanswered letter asking for love advice. She answers it and when the recipient shows up along with her grumpy grandson, they head off to find the old long lost love while a young love sparksCharlie: Wait, wait. You're not engaged?
Sophie: No... But it's too late! Clearly, it's too late. And it really doesn't matter anymore because... honestly? I love you. laughing through tears I can't believe I just said that, but I do, I love you. But it doesn't, I mean it shouldn't matter to you because you're here with Patricia...
Charlie: Patricia?
Sophie: And you should be back with her right now.
Charlie: Patricia is my cousin! She's my cousin!
Sophie: [pauses, confused] How is that legal? - DirectorMartin McDonaghStarsColin FarrellWoody HarrelsonSam RockwellA struggling screenwriter inadvertently becomes entangled in the Los Angeles criminal underworld after his oddball friends kidnap a gangster's beloved Shih Tzu.Billy: How's the Seven Psychopaths coming, Marty?
Marty: Slow, slow. I've got the title, y'know... just haven't been able to come up with all the psychopaths yet.
Billy: How many you got?
Marty: One. And he ain't really much of a psychopath. He's more of a... kind of a Buddhist.
Billy: A Buddhist?
Marty: Yeah, I'm sick of all these stereotypical Hollywood murderer scumbag type psychopath movies. I don't want it to be one more film about guys with guns in their hands. I want it... overall... to be about love... and peace. But it still has to be about these seven psychopaths, so this Buddhist psychopath, he... he doesn't believe in violence. I don't know what the ***k he's going to do in the movie. - DirectorJason ReitmanStarsGeorge ClooneyVera FarmigaAnna KendrickRyan's job is to travel around the country firing off people. When his boss hires Natalie, who proposes firing people via video conference, he tries to convince her that her method is a mistake.Ryan Bingham: You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?
Natalie Keener: Yes.
Ryan Bingham: Right. I don't. - DirectorDavid Gordon GreenStarsDanny McBrideNatalie PortmanJames FrancoWhen Prince Fabious's bride is kidnapped, he goes on a quest to rescue her... accompanied by his lazy useless brother Thadeous.[in the middle of battle as Thadeous tries to free Belladonna from the bed to which she's tied]
Leezar: Step away from my virgin!
Thadeous: She's my brother's virgin. If you want to ***k her, you'll have to ***k me first! - DirectorEvan GoldbergSeth RogenStarsJames FrancoSeth RogenRandall ParkDave Skylark and his producer Aaron Rapaport run the celebrity tabloid show "Skylark Tonight". When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Jong-Un Kim, they are recruited by the CIA to assassinate him.Dave Skylark: This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo. But you're just... Boromir!
Aaron Rapaport: I don't know who the ***k that is!
Dave Skylark: "I don't know who Boromir is", that's such a Boromir thing to say! - DirectorGore VerbinskiStarsJohnny DeppGeoffrey RushOrlando BloomBlacksmith Will Turner teams up with eccentric pirate "Captain" Jack Sparrow to save his love, the governor's daughter, from Jack's former pirate allies, who are now undead.Jack Sparrow: Scarlet!
[Scarlet slaps him]
Jack Sparrow: I'm not sure I deserved that.
[a blond woman approaches]
Jack Sparrow: Giselle!
Giselle: Who was she?
Jack Sparrow: What?
[Giselle slaps him]
Jack Sparrow: I may have deserved that.
Later...
Jack Sparrow: Anamaria!
[Anamaria slaps Jack]
Will Turner: I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved. - DirectorJustin LinStarsChris PineZachary QuintoKarl UrbanThe crew of the USS Enterprise explores the furthest reaches of uncharted space, where they encounter a new ruthless enemy, who puts them, and everything the Federation stands for, to the test.Dr. McCoy: [after removing shrapnel from Spock] Yeah, they say it hurts less if it's a surprise.
Spock: If I may adopt a parlance with which you are familiar, I can confirm that theory to be horsesh*t. - DirectorKelly Fremon CraigStarsHailee SteinfeldHaley Lu RichardsonBlake JennerHigh-school life gets even more unbearable for Nadine when her best friend, Krista, starts dating her older brother.Hey... Wake up. You had a brain operation. It worked! They've made you pleasant and agreeable.
- DirectorEdgar WrightStarsSimon PeggNick FrostKate AshfieldThe uneventful, aimless lives of a London electronics salesman and his layabout roommate are disrupted by the zombie apocalypse.