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- Both crooks, on the pleading of the girl, determine to turn square but with the provision of turning just one more trick. The first could not foresee that the second had placed a time bomb in the safe when he went to rob it. Likewise, the second could not foresee the other was going to pay a visit to the booty after he had planted the explosive. But worse, neither could foresee that a gang of burglars were contemplating carrying off the safe and that there were police loitering nearby. All this leads to events whereby the safe is suspended from a twenty story skyscraper with a man locked inside and a time bomb threatening to go off in five minutes. The burglars on the roof did not realize they were defying the law of gravity when they attempted to pull the safe over the eaves. This was impressed on them, however, when the safe exploded. The man inside the vault also learned a lesson on the laws of gravity, and the same thing was impressed on the other crook and the girl when they least expected it.
- Whether to asphyxiate himself outright or hire someone to put him out of the world and thus relieve himself of the suspense of death, was the question Mr. McIdiot had to decide for himself after his lady friend refused to marry him. At first he decided on self-destruction, but when he attempted to throw himself into the lake, several hungry alligators cruising around it in changed his mind. He then hired the Chief Assassin of the Murderers' Association to do away with him within 12 hours. Same assassin agreed to the bargain, but meanwhile, Mr. McIdiot's lady friend decided she had made a mistake and told Mr. McIdiot she wanted him back. He went to cancel his bargain with the assassin, but unluckily he was out on a killing expedition, and Mr. McIdiot couldn't find him. To make matters worse, the Chief Assassin had a fit of remorse and decided to give up his old life. He chose the same minister to confess to who was marrying Mr. McIdiot, and the meeting was not pleasant. Mr. McIdiot ran up a high ladder, and the Chief Assassin fell off the same ladder into shallow water. Mr. McIdiot finally got the girl, but he was in such nervous condition he forgot to kiss her at the close of the wedding ceremony.
- Two hotel bell hops get into all kinds of shenanigans between dames, baths and bags of loot.
- A deadbeat father abandons his wife after she has triplets; she chases him down and exacts comic justice.
- Miss de Millyuns and her mother receive a letter from the Baron reading as follows: "I love you. My blue blood curls and gives me the goose-flesh when I think that I might be accused of wanting to marry you for your money. So I spend my days roaming in the woods waiting for the day to come." From which it might be surmised that the Baron is fond of Miss de Millyuns-which he is. But. as a matter of fact, he is more than fond of her kopecks and her rubles. Now it was perfectly true that the Baron passed much of his time roaming in the park. The park was his favorite promenade and in its leafy dells he often bowed profoundly to the ladies of fashion who passed by. Being new to the ways of American women, the Baron little realized that he was flirting with a maid when lie made the acquaintance of a pretty miss in the park. The maid invited him to what supposedly was her home, but, as a matter of fact, it was the home of Miss de Millyun, where she was employed. Realizing that if he was to call upon the Fifth Avenue heiress. he would need some money, the Baron, who was absolutely penniless in his own name, "touched" a park dilettante for a few simoleons. Upon calling at the Fifth Avenue address given to him by the flirtatious maid, the Baron finds himself in the home of the de Millyuns. Mamma de Millyuns presumes, of course, that the Baron has come to call either upon herself or her daughter. She makes the Baron as comfortable as she can, sends out for wine and cigarettes and puts a pillow underneath his feet. Reggie, the wealthy scion of an old Knickerbocker family, who sincerely loves Miss de Millyun, notes that he is being superseded in the affections of the heiress and decides to propose at once. He does so, but both mamma and her daughter are so infatuated with the charming manners of the Baron that Reggie is abruptly asked to leave their home. Reggie gets a good look at the Baron, however, and recognizes him as the man who borrowed two dollars from him in the park. He calls the Baron's attention to the fact and when the latter indignantly denies having received the loan hostilities are imminent. Reggie is a gentleman, however, and he restrains his wrath. Discouraged by his throw-down, he goes into the next room and is about to waft himself into the Elysian fields when the butler interferes and takes the pistol away from him. Reggie struggles desperately to make an angel of himself and in the struggle the pistol goes off. Six bullets go through the curtain and attack the Baron in a painful spot. Mamma de Millyuns also receives several stray lead pellets in embarrassing places and the house is soon in an uproar. In the excitement the Baron sees an opportunity to get the millions of the family without marrying the daughter of the house. He makes for the family safe. While Mamma de Millyun is running around displaying her anxiety the Baron tampers with the big lock on the strong box. He gets the safe open and is about to make off with the yellow backs with which the safe is filled, when the maid with whom he flirted in the park sees him at his nefarious work and determines to get some of the bills herself. She projects herself on the Baron and snatches half a million from him. Reggie in the next room, struggling with the butter, loads his gun up again and determines that if he must die he will take everybody in the neighborhood through the Pearly Gates with him. He shoots through the curtains and partitions and another of the bullets turns a corner and bites a piece out of the Baron's trousers. The Baron feels that he has been unfairly taken advantage of and drops his roll. The corner cop hears the shots and sends in a call for the reserves. The patrol wagon rolls up a few minutes later just at the moment Reggie is emptying his fifth box of cartridges. The dum-dum bullets at once take an instinctive dislike for the cops and the latter meet with a hot reception. Feeling that they have stepped into a hostile arsenal, the cops pull their own guns and start peppering away. When they finish with their ammunition they start in with their clubs and the guests at Miss de Millyun's reception make their first acquaintance with the business end of a police billy. Meanwhile the heiress, feeling that Reggie is the only true friend she has. after all. rushes into his welcoming arms, while the Baron beats it precipitately.
- That old guy, Father Neptune, certainly knew a thing or two when he picked out the ocean to live. Ferdy Fishcake had it on Neptune, though, for though he had a fright of a wife, he was easing himself into forgetfulness by taking a few days' vacation with her at the beach. And the sights he saw. They almost made him forget this wife. He burrowed under the sand to get near Lotta Pepp and when his wife woke up she thought he was gone for good. So she hired a detective and they started a search which complicated itself so many times in hotels and cast suspicion on so many marriage vows that we can't bear to tell about it.
- A fire hose with 100 pounds pressure, some silk hose of summer weight, a theater, the police officer, and two bachelors who flirted to excess, were the disturbing elements in the story. A new wife, who had been an actress and had too many callers, was the cause, and a man shooting up in the air on a stream of water was the effect. There were other effects just as striking and more numerous. It all started when the actress-wife gave a midnight party to her former associates and Bill and Mr. Jowlish tried to horn in on the revelry. Her husband also thought he would have a quiet little party with soubrette Violet Vere de Vere, but she invited him to the same one his wife was giving. As is known, meetings like this lead to murder. The killing started with mere pistols, but rapidly branched out until fire hose, silk hose, cops, explosions, geysers, and volcanoes were in the itinerary. Never since have the bachelors flirted, nor the wife given parties. And also never since has the police captain talked to actresses.
- The stenographer was entirely too pretty for the equilibrium of the office force, and both clerks and the boss found themselves off balance. The boss had the advantage of authority in the office, but unluckily he didn't have the same at home, and when his spouse happened in and interrupted a little conversation he was having with the stenographer, said stenographer went out by express orders of the wife. This didn't help matters, however, as Gertie came back in boy's clothes, got her old job back, and also got Wifey stuck on her. The ensuing trouble is best left untold, with the exception of a secret meeting at the café, an intercepted note, and an important disclosure just at the wrong time. The whole affair would have been far better if Wifey had not attempted to take over the office under her management and Gertie had not imagined she could get away with the men's clothes effect.
- At a girl's school, two young men make efforts to elope with the same girl.
- A dishonest undertaker stirs up droll, laughable tragedy between two devoted husbands and their loyal wives in his attempt to build up an insurance sideline when the undertaker business fails.
- Billie enjoys flirting with the ladies, and so does Henry, although he's married. Trouble erupts when both men bring dates to the same beer garden, and Billie's date turns out to be Henry's wife.
- Events which transpire in the lives of flirts are often best not recorded, but the history of Hank and his boss should be given as an example of very raw work. It started when Hank kissed his wife in the park and went to work. As he came in the boss went out, and didn't stop until he was in the park and succumbing to his weakness for flirting. Unluckily, they didn't allow flirting in that park, and the boss was pinched, together with the lady he was flirting with. The boss phoned for Hank to come over to the station and bail him out. Hank came, but discovered it was his own wife whom the boss had managed to get pinched. He bailed his wife and sent her home, but not so the boss. He was left to rot in a foul dungeon. Hank went to the park to brood over the shame which had overtaken his family when the boss's wife breezed in. She saw Hank and then and there decided she wanted him. Hank didn't want to flirt at all, but a nearby officer thought he did, and pinched them both. They were put in a cell right next to the boss, but they didn't know it, and neither did the boss until he broke through and found himself in a cell with his wife and another man. Naturally the boss lost his temper, and so did Hank. When the excitement had subsided, cells were violated, officers were injured and the judge was grossly insulted.
- Phil steals pie from his little sister, and breaks her Teddy Bear. When he makes her cry, her parents try to pacify her by putting money in her bank, and then Phil schemes to steal the bank. For this pa kicks him out, and he wanders into the cruel world. Claude Worcestershire and Tabasco Lil read in the paper that the station master is to receive a consignment of $2,000,000. This determines them to stop at Beetville. Phil is in the billiard parlor when the villain and villainess arrive. The sheriff throws Bill out, and falls a victim to the charms of Lil. Phil enters a saloon, where he vainly tries to take some free lunch from the counter. But the proprietor has a sliding cover for it which works by a push button, and Phil is foiled. Salvation Liz appears with her concertina, and starts right in to convert Phil. She is successful, and he joins in the singing. She leads him to his home and begs forgiveness for him. He meets Tabasco Lil, who decoys him into going for a walk. She gets him to climb a tree for her, and goes off and leaves him there. Then she tries the same tactics on his father, the station master, so that Claude can get to the safe. Phil manages to get down by sawing off the bough and falling with it. In the meantime Claude has opened the safe, and is waiting for Lil to make a getaway. Phil has converted Lil, and she leads him to the station to fight Claude. While they fight she gets into the safe with their guns. Claude ties a rope to the safe, after knocking out Phil, and tying him to the track. He jumps on a passing train, and the safe pulls the whole station after the train, while Claude holds the rope. Salvation Liz saves Phil, and on a hand car they pursue the flying station. Phil climbs on the roof and cuts the rope. He drags Lil out of the safe just as a train comes and crashes through station and all.
- Reggie was to take his gal Gertie riding. Hank was stuck on Gertie because Gertie had given him an indifferent smile that Hank had taken seriously. When Hank saw Gertie going with Reggie he resolved that they all should die, and he took the chauffeur's place. If Hank had only killed himself, or even Gertie and Reggie immediately, the slaughter would not have been on such a large scale. But when wet pavements, careless pedestrians, cops, traffic, citizens and other impediments get in the way, the result went beyond expectations. Also, Hank tore off the side of a house in which a respectable citizen and his wife were sleeping. They were forced to run out in the yard in negligee. Hank's plan of murder took longer than expected, as he did not reach the pier until after several miles of skidding streets and many squads of pursuing policemen. The delay was worth it, as Hank treated everybody to the biggest thrill of their lives. The auto went straight over the pier, but Hank went under. Reggie and Gertie came up on a tire, but as for Hank, he never did come up.
- The tramping troupers arrive at Punkville Centre, and put up at the boarding house, which is run by the strong-minded landlady and her henpecked husband, Phil. He is maid-of-all-work, and she takes the money. He is much attracted by the actress who plays Little Eva, and Merta is jealous. That night they are to give a performance of "Uncle Tom's Cabin." Phil is head cook and bottle-washer at the theater too, and has to be property man, curtain man, stage manager, ticket taker and everything else but actor. It is he who brings on the soap boxes which do duty as cakes of ice in the river. It is he who barks like hounds on the trail, and who has to shove on the cardboard dogs which pursue Eliza. He has to hurry aloft to drop snow on the sad scene. Little Eva appears fascinatingly gowned in a short fluffy frock and a big hair ribbon. Phil can't resist her, and neglects his manifold duties to talk to her. She begins to play tag with him, and chases him into the midst of Uncle Tom's most touching scene. Merta gets wild. She leaves the audience and is about to jump over the footlights to get after Phil. It is time for Eva to die, but she is way up above the stage, eating candy with Phil. Merta jumps on the stage, and hunts for Phil. She interferes considerably with the action, but when Eva cannot be found, the actor who played Eliza grabs Merta, puts a nightgown over her head, and tells her to so on and die. Legree tries to give her the words, but she is struck with stage fright. She is yanked up into heaven, where she promptly discovers Eva and Phil. In their surprise the men let her fall, and she clutches Phil. They land on the stage together, while Eva laughs at them. This is too much. The audience gives chase and the Tramping Troupe is run out of town.
- Anne had three suitors, Bill, the choice of her dad, Frank, the choice of her mother, and Johnnie, the choice of her own heart. She stood it as long as she could, and then she took matters into her own hands. She sent Frank word to disguise as a woman, and they would elope that night. At the same time she sent word to Bill to do the same thing. Bill and Frank then eloped with each other, and she ran off with Johnnie.
- Two men who seek the same girl are switched back and forth in the wedding ceremony.
- The Fire Chief's daughter is sought after by three suitors.
- A man is a stowaway on a vessel loaded with birds, monkeys, snakes, and other animals. He is discovered and forced to act as cook.
- Bill, as a leader of the blackhanders, should have known better than to double-cross his pals, but that is what he did and he landed behind the bars for good and all time. Bill wrote some very strong letters to the warden threatening some terrible things if some of the gang were not allowed to escape, but the warden was a fearless man and paid no attention to the threats. Bill was slow to act and the gang themselves took things in their own hands and kidnapped the pretty daughter of the warden. Bill rescued her from them and turned his whole gang over to the authorities. The gang in turn squealed on Bill and he landed behind the bars. But it was a sad day for the officials in the prison when Bill landed for he immediately began to disrespect all prison rules.
- She was just a poor, but honest girl, out looking for a job, when she happened to see the L-KO Film Company offices, and dropped in to secure a job. They did not think much of her work in a tryout as an actress, but when she told them of the number of little mouths she had to feed the manager took pity on her and gave her a job as janitress. Her ambitions were far above the job, and when she discovered an old discarded newspaper, telling of a big floral parade in which the L-KO Company was to participate, she decided that with the assistance of the head janitor they ought to be able to walk away with the parts to be portrayed. After some persuasion, the janitor decides to join her in the impersonation. They arrive at the scene of the parade after donning the apparel of the other actors and actresses. But there was something doing when the actors and actresses who had been chosen by the L-KO to do the work discover that someone had stolen their wardrobes.
- "I want a plain soda without chocolate flavor," chirped Liberty Bell, the silver-tongued gong of Muchroom Manor, to G. Wattaface, the swiftest shooting soda squirter in the whole state. "We're all out of chocolate, but I can give you one without vanilla flavor," sighed the lover, and just then something happened, in walked father. Father, though a rabid prohibitionist always made it a point not to practice what he preached, so he ordered his daughter without, while he imbibed within his daily "medicine." One night Sylvester Shellfish, a he-vampire, spied Wattaface depositing a note intended for Liberty Bell in the hollow of a tree, and conveyed the information to father, who had already severed diplomatic relations with the young soda dispenser. But Wattaface was the original stick-to-it-kid, so he managed to free Liberty from her father's grasp, and elope with her to Allaboola. General Beetlebuzzer, of the Allaboola Army, goes courting, but when Wattaface butts in and tries to help him make love to the Allaboola queen, Beetlebuzzer becomes indignant and gets his army of seven braves to wipe Wattaface off the map. Liberty sends a telegram asking her father to get the army and navy to help them. This he does, and when he arrives at Allaboola the army and navy are already there. Wattaface is about to be shot when father arrives, and, not knowing whose life he was about to save, disposes of the army in lightning fashion. He is about to shake hands with the wronged man, when he discovers that he saved the life of the villain who had kidnapped his daughter. Just then healthy bomb, which had strayed from the fold, rushes up to them, and bids them both a fond farewell and a pleasant journey.
- The artists were trying to paint September mornings one September morning, but it soon developed into a September evening with a good night attached, when one of them tried to sell a bum painting to a shrewd dealer and the other tried to paint a model against her will. This unpleasantness was soon over, however, and the artists got into a Grecian garden where some dancing girls were running around with a smile and some jewelry on, and a gentleman was trying to take snapshots with a camera. The gentleman and the artists tried to look at the ladies simultaneously and as there was only room for one spectator there arose a dispute as to who should gain the vantage point. This dispute was not polite and the three gentlemen start to chase one another about among the poison ivy and whortleberry vines. The dancers remained unembarrassed, but some conscientious policemen thought they were indecent and attempted to hold overcoats over them out of respect for the public morals. The ladies thought differently and ditched the policemen in the cold lake and went back to dance in the sunlight. Things were almost smooth and delightful again when the art dealer appeared and insisted with a Krupp gun the artist could hardly refuse. The other artist was confronted with some little past professional dirty work that he indulged in at one time, and this little affair was unpleasant. The only ones who remained unruffled were the dancing girls, who continued to sport in the sun.
- The head waiter of the "All Inn" has a lovely wife, who is the star of the cabaret. Dan is a frequenter of it. He sees the lovely singer and falls in love with her. Mrs. Dan leaves home for a visit and Dan invites the charmer and other guests to his house. They all develop a mysterious illness, which results in spots all over the face. Even the cat is afflicted with it. The Health Department quarantines the house, and when Mrs. Dan returns she finds it hard to get into her own home. She enters at last, as does the head waiter, husband of the charmer. Dan has a hard time to explain the identity of his afflicted guests. The head waiter is unconvinced, and a chase on horseback, in which the doctor joins, ends the picture.
- Father, with two other old fossils, was sitting in the park for an airing. A swell dame appeared and the other two edged Father out and went over and got acquainted. Just as they were getting along nicely, the lady's escort appeared. The guilty pair made a hasty exit, but the escort followed them up and slapped their faces. Father was congratulating himself that he remained out of the affair, when the escort noticed him and gave him a slap for good measure. He was knocked into a young chap who didn't like being bumped into. He told Father so, emphasizing his dislike with a smack on the jaw. Father went home and daughter insisted that he meet her new sweetheart. Father was introduced, but the sweetheart was the young chap who had smacked him. Sweetheart was ordered out, but he went home and disguised as a girl to come back to the house. When Father set eyes on him he thought him a girl. So did Hank, the park escort, and they both tried to elope with him. This led to disagreements. A taxi ran away, and Hank was hung up on a hot trolley wire. There was a marriage, but neither Father nor Hank was the bridegroom.
- Nobody suspected that the village loafer had a past until a tall stranger appeared one day and shot him in a bar room. The posse captured him and were about to hang him, until he exclaimed, "Wait, I'll tell you why I shot him!" It seems that they were boys together, pals until the girl appeared. The stranger won her and thought he would be happy, but he had not figured on his friend's perfidy and fleas. His false friend put the fleas in his wedding clothes, which made the groom act so strangely that the bride threw him over and he had to run over the hills in his underwear, having removed his clothing to hunt for the hoppers. The false one married the girl and the other swore he would scour the earth until he found and killed the traitor. This tale moved the posse and they let him go. The village loafer came to life and the stranger got one look at the erstwhile sweetheart. One look was enough, and he was glad he had not married her and also have to live with the wench many years more. This was better than an assassination.
- Billie Ritchie, who is blessed with a numerous family, many bills and a small income, has great trouble in avoiding his many creditors. His adventures are too numerous to mention. He is rather attracted to a neighbor who has a jealous husband, but his efforts to see her are interrupted by a mysterious man, who finally corners Billy and tells him that he wishes to hand him a legacy. Billy, who has employed various subterfuges in order to get a chance to talk to his fair neighbor, at last sees his opportunity and arranges with her to meet him at the telephone company's masquerade. The wires get crossed and wifie becomes suspicious. She goes to the ball followed by her large family. These she masks and mixes in with the guests. Her husband's gay actions finally cause him to become a storm center and in order to escape a mobilization of angry husbands he has to flee across the telegraph wires. They follow him and he is captured and punished after a spirited chase.
- Father and son are very much grieved over the loss of a recently-departed one, but they forget their own grief when they find that their neighbors, Mrs. Whosis and her beautiful daughter, are in the same fix. Father and mother are getting along beautifully with their flirtation when the dear little children interfere. Father and Mrs. Whosis decide to take the children to the park and easily get them away by giving them nickels and sending them for ice cream. Father wishes to make quite a hit with Mrs. Whosis and decides that he will purchase a beautiful present for her. He has hardly made the purchase before he is relieved of it by another admirer of Mrs. Whosis who also is trying to make a hit with the new widow. Father, however, gets the necklace back and presents it to the widow and everybody is happy in the end.
- A socially ambitious wife tries to persuade her husband to attend a society ball, even though he doesn't want to go. She finally convinces him by promising to take along a neighbor couple. However, in case he might need a little "comforting" at the ball, he takes along a flask of liquor. Once he gets there, he gets bored and starts taking "sips" from the flask. Pretty soon the flask is empty, and he's blitzed. Complications ensue.
- The star boarder took up more of the wife's attention than any of the others. The husband couldn't stand it and wrote his wife a note warning her she'd find his body at the bottom of the lake. He thought this would make her feel bad, but it didn't--it made her feel so good that she celebrated by flirting with the star boarder. Meanwhile, husband was about to throw himself to the fishes when a strange influence made him walk across the water and into Madame La Rue's, the Mystic of the East. He got a job there as assistant spook and everything went all right until wifey and the star boarder happened to take a look into the future. They got more than one look and saw some unpleasant things. Hubby was in the spook closet and impersonated a spirit so thoroughly that everyone thought they were in--well, not heaven. The star boarder lost his new friend, the husband got back his wife, and the cops copped some other parties. That was the last time husband ever attempted suicide.
- Gale plays a farm maiden who joins a moving-picture company; Hughie is her country lover. This short shows to what lengths a girl will go to get into the film industry.
- The Goldfingers have just inherited a large fortune and moved into a $5,000 apartment. Everything goes fine with them. A number of young men are suitors for Rosie's hand, but, of course, she has her favorite. Dr. O'Briensky seems to have the best lead. A. Cross Leech, a "box-fighter" of some fame, interrupts the even tenor of the household when he butts into the courtship of Dr. O'Briensky and Rosie. He ousts the Doctor, who is not much on the fight. But Grandpa Goldfinger, who is always there with the bright idea, suggests that they secure the services of one Mike McGinnis, the Irish terror, to oust the Jewish lion. The Irisher arrives on the scene and soon has the Jewish lion on the run. But there is where the whole trouble began. Rosie looked so good to the terror that he decided he would make his home in the Goldfinger apartment. Father Goldfinger's pleading had no effect on the terror, who stayed and stayed. Police were called in to oust him, but they all beat a hasty retreat. The terror was proud of his ability to play the piano and throughout the entire night he sang and played all his favorite airs, much to the chagrin of the Jewish family. In the early morning, A. Cross Leech, after a night of anguish, presents himself at the Goldfinger apartment, and this time he is welcomed. They urge him to try and help get the terror out. He at first wishes to beat a hasty retreat, but the sight of the good old coin of the realm changes his opinion and by a ruse he gets the terror outside and wins the bet. But the Irisher was not to be downed so easily. Mike returned and challenged the Jewish lion to battle, which was to take place at two. The battle was a hard one and after repeated knock downs the fight was stopped by a gent without a cent, who scrambled into the ring and brought the whole house down to assist. The ring collapsed precipitating Irish and Jews together, and a grand free-for-all international fight followed.
- The oil magnate owns extensive oil well properties, has a daughter and a villainous partner in whom he trusts. The latter bribes the foreman to deceive the magnate. This man tells his employer to sell out as the wells are rapidly drying and ruin faces him. This saddens the old man, who returns home with his partner and does not suspect his treachery. The oil magnate's daughter loves Billy, a jockey. The partner has an idea and induces the old oil magnate to bet on Billy's mount, and then he tries to bribe Bill, who refuses to be corrupted. Then Bill has to hurry to the track and borrows a seedy fire horse. He arrives in time to learn of a plot to throw the race, slugs the tricky jockey and starts away in the race with the fire horse. He knows its speed. The villain has persuaded his partner to make a heavy bet with him. Bill, on the fire horse, speeds to the front and the villain almost collapses as he realizes he is going to lose his bet. At this moment a fire, which started in the waste paper basket, has assumed such proportions that the department is called out. Bill's horse hears the bells and leaps the track fence and speeds down the road after the engines, and Bill is powerless to restrain him. The family are dismayed when they see their horse bolt the track. They are hastily summoned to their burning home and mourn the loss of their securities and cash, but Bill, who has been carried after the fire engines, rushes in the house and saves the valuables. Thus the villains are discomfited and their schemes exposed.
- Billy Bingo is entertained a bevy of beauties at a house party while his father is away.
- Mert, the station agent, loved Al the foreman, and Mert's father, the engineer, loved Al's mother, and Al loved Mert, and Al's mother loved Mert's father. However, Mert's father did not love Al, and Al's mother did not love Mert, so that kept things from being monotonous. Al invited Mert to the soda fountain, but when Mert found that he had no money she suspected that the attraction was Babe the dispenser of liquid refreshment. Herein she wronged Al's honest soul. Al found Mert's father making love to his mother and threw flour at them. Just then the train arrived, and with it Terrible Ted, the He-Vampire. Ma and Pa were sitting a truck, and Al sneaked up and tied it to the train as it pulled out. However, the end of the rope caught his foot and he was hauled along the track till Pa cut the rope and they all came home. Mert was making making eyes at Ted. His idea was to get into the safe while she flagged the train. He and his confederates had almost succeeded, when Mert managed to grab the bad in which they had placed the money and pull it up through a trap in the ceiling. They discovered her and pursued her to the roof. She jumped off, but they got her, and put her in a trunk. They then loaded the trunk onto a passing train. Al and Babe went to the rescue on a handcar. All of them arrived in the Great City, and the trunk with Mert inside was taken to a room. Al and Babe arrived, and Mert, looking out of the window, saw them. She wrote a note which she placed in the water pitcher and threw out of the window. Al snatched a bow and arrow from a child and shot a reply to her. He sent up a rope and Mert lowered the money to him. She then slid down the rope after tying it to the bed, and they all went off on the handcar, pursued by the villains in an auto. But the handcar reached the station first. Ted was not to be foiled, and be subdued them all with chloroform. She grabbed him, threw him off the train, and then returned with the money. Moving Picture World, October 27, 1917
- Hy Ball and Glasser Beer, owners of a hair dressing parlor, fall in love with one of their customers and exceed the speed limit in proposing to her.
- The village beauty is satisfied with her beau Fatty until Uncle Tom's barnstormers hit town and she meets Simon LaGree, who aims to make an impression on the country lass by supplying her with passes to the show. Torn with jealousy, Fatty threatens to kill himself, but changes his mind and decides to take in the show too. The entire town turns out to the performance. The little country lass gets a wonderful thrill when he comes before the curtain bowing and tossing her a rose. She forgets Fatty, but he makes his presence known by throwing a pie in Simon LaGree's face. Poor Fatty, believing that by becoming an actor he can win back the affections of the fair maiden, procures a copy of the play, and starts rehearsing. At the Opera House the play is pushed forward by the property man and assistant props, running on through the thrilling escape of Eliza over the ice, the pursuit by the bloodhounds, to the tragic death of Little Eva, whose ascent to Heaven is ruined when the property man slips on the rope that hauls her up, and he lands on the stage. This last blunder is too much for Simon LaGree. He rushes into the wings blaming the breaking-up of the show on assistant props, who, feeling that he is wrongly accused, comes back with his lists. Drawing a revolver, Simon LaGree goes after assistant props. At the sight of the revolver the audience, with the exception of the town sheriffs, who jump bravely onto the stage, beats a hasty and disorderly retreat. Finding the armed sheriffs at their heels, the entire troupe forget their quarrel, take a stand together against the town's sheriffs, and succeed in routing the town sheriffs, temporarily. Hastening home, the beauty and her friends hear the ravings of Fatty endeavoring to become an actor. Believing him to be one of the troupe, they make a rush to drive him out of the house. Frightened, poor Fatty tries to make a getaway through the window, but he falls into a hogshead, which, becoming overturned, starts rolling down the hill. The beauty and her friends start out at full speed after the hogshead. The sheriffs, having cornered the Uncle Tom's Cabin troupe on the edge of a steep bank, see the hogshead and the crowd rushing toward them, and in their efforts to avoid a collision, all are thrown down the bank. The beauty and her friends are heaped on top of the troupe and the sheriffs, the hogshead landing beside them, the force of its fall and weight of Fatty breaking it to pieces. The property man, by some miracle escaping the slide down the bank, looks over the still forms and. grasping a stave of the hogshead, endeavors to bury them as they lie.
- Billie took out a policy which worked two ways. It was good for a loan of $3.75 or $500 in case of fire. He tried to collect on both clauses but had not counted on rivals and sweethearts. His rival extinguished Billie's insurance blaze and to cop Billie's troubles an ostrich swallowed the bracelet he had bought for his girl. In addition, an unkind note he had written in his rival's name fell into hostile hands and was read by unfriendly eyes. When the fire department and hoses had their turn, Billie found himself completely cured of any inclination to realize on fire insurance policies.